10 things I hate about newspapers

Treati­ng us like imbeci­les. The headli­ne, sub-heading and first paragr­aph of a report all say the same thing!

1.   Treating us like imbeciles. The headline, sub-head and first paragraph of a report all say the same thing. We realise its news that some low-level political functionary nursed a wounded bird in a park but do we have to be told that thrice?

2.   All those words. Given that all the information we need is contained in the headline, it really isn’t necessary for an article to drone on for another 16 paragraphs. The reporter may think he’s a literary genius but even Tolstoy knew when to stop.

3.  The short-term memory. For days, newspapers will whip up anger about something that’s stuck in their craw. Then they will forget all about it. Newspapers are like your senile uncle in that way.

4.   The false equivalence. Here’s how newspapers probably reported World War II. “Gandhi denounced the Nazis as evil, racist scum. However, Hitler denied those charges as baseless.” Just because there are two sides to every story doesn’t mean they are both equally valid.

5.  Constant self-aggrandisement. Sure, it’s great that the New York Times won another dozen Pulitzer’s. But does that really belong on the front page of the NYT over the famine that is ravaging Somalia?

6.  Phony moral outrage. Journalists love portraying themselves as cynical hacks who have seen it all. Yet newspapers are dripping with anger and ranting over some politician who got caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

7.  Love of acronyms. “FATA will get WAPDA services thanks to PPP, says EDO.” Thanks for making that clear.

8.  “Please turn to page xx” No story is important enough to make us search the rest of the newspaper to see how it turns out.

9.  The bogus trends. Just because one pet owner has dressed his dog in a bow tie does not make it a phenomenon. Give facts and statistics; don’t assume it’s a trend because your friend is doing it.

10.  The love of alliteration. It doesn’t matter if a headline makes sense. Newspaper staffers prefer the poetic truth of alliteration rather than, you know, actual truth.

Published in The Express Tribune October 24^th, 210.