As if the car that ran on water and which was touted as a great technological breakthrough, not only by our all-knowing and arrogant TV anchors, but also by our leading bum makers was not enough, the vice chancellor of Pakistan’s best-known university has lent his sagacious voice to the conspiracy theory that the raid that killed Osama Bin Laden in Abbottabad on the night between May 1st/2nd was a fraud enacted by the Americans.
Inter alia: ‘Pakistan’s intelligence agencies exhumed the body of Osama Bin Laden and handed it over to the United States (US) in 2006 after conducting DNA test while the recent Abbottabad incident had been fabricated to pressurise and defame Pakistan’. The VC said this while addressing a ‘special seminar organised by PU Academic Staff Association (PUASA) on “9/11 and World War III”’.
So then, everybody and Charlie’s Aunt are wrong: including our ‘intelligence agencies’; the brass hats who are even today attempting to wipe the egg off their faces; Osama’s wives and children who saw him being killed; the Abbottabad Commission which has suddenly got tongue-tied as the extent of the shemozzle becomes apparent; the commentators; the various hospitals where his latest wife was bearing him four children while in hiding in Pakistan including two in the government hospital in Abbottabad, post-2006. How Osama begot these children after he had died in 2006 according to the professor, only he can tell us.
So, everyone is wrong and Professor Mujahid Kamran is right. In which case of course, Dr Shakil Afridi was wrongly apprehended and sentenced actually for working for the Americans in helping trace Bin Laden, but in fact under charges that had nothing to do with Osama’s eventual unearthing; our brass hats were wrong in venting their fury on the Americans for carrying out the raid because they had already handed his body to them in 2006; Hussain Haqqani was wrongly implicated in a case of possible treason: no finding Osama; no red faces in GHQ; no danger of a coup; no Memo to Mike Mullen; no ‘Mammogate’.
Professor Kamran is a serious academic and obviously has information no one else has: I would urge him to let the nation in on what he knows about Osama’s body’s handover to the Americans in 2006 by our ‘intelligence agencies’ and put history right. He will have done a great service to Pakistan and its hurt pride and ‘violated’ sovereignty. All is well that ends well. Thank you Professor.
Staying on message about this being Cloud Cuckooland, we now come to the not-so-curious case of Agha Waqar who belongs to Khairpur in Sindh and became an instant media celebrity on our leading channels, pumped up by support from the senior and junior fathers of our bum, Drs AQ Khan and Samar Mubarakmand. No matter what sense Drs Pervez Hoodbhoy and Attaur Rehman tried to talk, they were drowned out in a cacophony orchestrated by the Ghairat Brigades shouting out loud about how an eminent Pakistani scientist (yes, Master Agha Waqar, none other) was being denied recognition by the cabal of anti-Pakistan countries/agencies: America/Israel/India; CIA/Mossad/RAW, because he had exploded all the myths put forward by Jew and Christian scientists.
Let me quote from Pervez Hoodbhoy’s article “The water car fraud” that appeared on these pages on August 2nd, 2012: “So, what is the problem? It’s that the laws of physics, in particular a fundamental scientific principle known as the Second Law of Thermodynamics, impose inviolable constraints. Every machine constructed anywhere uses the Second Law. This is something that I learned in my first year as a student at MIT and have taught for 40 years. No serious scientist would dream of challenging the Second Law. Agha Waqar Ahmad’s ‘water kit’, if one believes science to be right, simply cannot work. What the inventor, the ministers, the anchors and scientists claim on TV is wrong.”
On September 4, 2012, exactly two days after Dr Hoodbhoy’s seminal article, it was reported by an English language daily that Waqar was a crook and a bank robber to boot who was in the Sindh police service since many years but had not ever reported for the various duties he had been deputed for. And that he had been arrested and charged with armed robbery and possession of illegal and unlicensed arms. Curiously, we have heard nothing further about this crook and apparent criminal, his ardent supporters on the TV channels quiet as hibernating dormice.
I suppose flying the banner of the Citadel of Islam whilst proclaiming the crook’s great discovery, they are dumbstruck just as they were when the Americans flew into Abbottabad and took out the most wanted man in the world. It is cruel, I know, but one had the most fun seeing them sputter with impotent rage at those they were used to praising to the skies. Still staying on subject that this is Cloud Cuckooland, why does every third-rate crook and imbecile who dares to blaspheme our Holy Prophet (pbuh) rile us up so much that we set fire to our own country? That Nakoula fellow who, too, is a crook and former jailbird, strung together a disgusting, filthy, scrappy film, and we are killing our own selves? As far as I am concerned it has only made my love for my Prophet (pbuh) that much stronger; but I would not force someone to close down his business to protest as happened in Hyderabad, and then have a case of blasphemy registered against him.
The saddest, most absurd, almost terrifying part is that the police at the highest level say there is no case of blasphemy against the man but that it was nonetheless registered against him because the crowd ‘forced’ the police to do so. Where are we headed friends? Did anyone stop to ask if the man was waiting for a new shipment of perishable goods? Did anyone bother to ask if he was going to soon shutter his shop and go home to tend to his sick mother? Where are we headed, for God’s sake?
We are dead in the water.
Yes we are: more people who wrote comments on the report about Waqar being a crook believed it was all a conspiracy to malign him.
Published in The Express Tribune, September 21st, 2012.
COMMENTS (44)
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Shafisahab, there may be an infinitesimally small chance of Agha Waqar being Copernicus of 21st Century!
Many of us knew, from the word go, that water car was a fraud. You just had to goggle it. We also knew that TV anchors made fool of themselves. We then had Hoodbuoy tell us he learned these laws of physics in his first year at "MIT." We are impressed he went to MIT ... rest of us learned the same from any number of average colleges. And you, sir, call Hoodbuoy's article "seminal." You should check the meaning of this word in a dictionary. Your mocking of "bum" scientists is fair. But you should also check Hoodbuoy's misplaced and childish views on Pak's nuclear program. Pls read what he was saying 15 years ago and do another piece. Hoodbouy's perspective was about as impressive as that of water car crook's.
@author: Please keep up your good work of shredding the light sir. It always heartening to see some sane voices on the other side of the border... Makes us Indians believe that someone is still there trying to tell people the truth... (or rather shout the truth for the deaf).
An excellent article as usual, anyway Mr.Agha Waqar idea is not original, I asked a professor at Kansas State University about this so called miracle which our esteemed Dr.AQKhan has vouched for is nothing new, old wine in a new bottle. This is an old tried technology which has been discarded for decades. Yes, technically a car could run on Hydrogen gas and but hydrogen is very explosive and can not be manufactured by synthesizing water into Oxygen and Hydrogen in the car with out causing tremendous amount of danger to the occupants of the car, therefore it was discarded.Dr.Hoodbhoy could have been magnanimous to this crook in his critique. Coming back to another crook,Nakoula, why is it so easy for us get bated, people bate us and we fall for it and start destroying property and killing of our own. Did it ever occur to anyone that during our prophet Mohammad's (pbuh) life time there were people who had nothing but hate for him bu he always forgave them because they were unbelievers and did not know better. Why can't we follow his path and have our love for him in our hearts and should not sway by some thugs in other countries which profess to have free speech enshrined in their constitution.
An excellent article as usual, anyway Mr.Agha Waqar's idea is not original, I asked a professor at Kansas State University about this so called miracle which our esteemed Dr.AQKhan has vouched for is nothing new,but old wine in a new bottle. This is an old tried technology which has been discarded for decades. Yes, technically a car could run on Hydrogen gas and but hydrogen is very explosive and can not be manufactured by synthesizing water into Oxygen and Hydrogen within the automobile without causing tremendous amount of danger to the occupants of the automobile, therefore it was discarded.Dr.Hoodbhoy could have been magnanimous to this crook Mr.Waqar in his critique. Coming back to another crook,Nakoula, why is it so easy for us to get bated, people bate us and we fall for it and start destroying property and killing of our own. Did it ever occur to anyone that during our prophet Mohammad's (pbuh) life time there were people who had nothing but hate for him and tried to harm him but he always forgave them because they were unbelievers and did not know better. Why can't we follow his path and have our love for him in our hearts and should not sway by some thugs in other countries which profess to have free speech enshrined in their constitution.
I own a cow, everyday the cow gives milk and it feeds on nothing else but the same milk that it gives. Inside the cow's stomach, the milk undergoes electrolysis, resonance and some other crap and thus magically somehow the cow gives 4 liters of milk even thou it drinks just 2. Guess what if you believe this story, you might be the next "AGHA WAQAR" and the fellow countrymen and media outlets will praise you for being a genius inventor.
@ks saheb while its easy to ridicule..though justly the evils...is not your duty to provide suggestions to correct them? criticism just for the sake of it can not change anything.
Dear Kamran Shafi. I am not saying that Osama bin Laden was not in Pakistan, or that he did not have a miraculous recovery from deadly Marfan Disease, but I certainly am not aware of any evidence that the Americans kidnapped him and dropped his body in the Indian Ocean. Are you? If you have not got a body you have nothing as far as evidence is concerned.
@Jat:
Many thanks Sir, for your kind words and sage advice.
Every day when I open ET and other web-sites connected with Pakistan my heart bleeds, and all I can do in my helplessness is to shout out, "What the devil are you doing with my beloved motherland?" Many a time I pick up enough courage and tell them what to do to save themselves and my motherland. But if my earnest screams pass through the moderators, no one listens to them.
I know I must do something, all by myself as you advise, but I am scared of going and talking to the people of Pakistan at this ripe old age of 76, for fear of my life. The memories of my escape from Sukkho village of Rawalpindi district, to save my life and my beliefs, way back at the age of 11, still haunt me.
Will someone please help me save my motherland and its people?
KS Saheb Great piece Thanks
@John B: Is this demented VC related to politicians as he is not thrown out yet?
Who cares, as long as Osama's dead were happy. Move on in life major.
Spot on Sir, spot on. You ask : Why are we so stupid ? Answer : They've worked hard to get us wehere we are.
@wonderer: We feel for you. But the general populace should not have been a mute spectator to all manner of brutality in the garb of security and religion, for so long. Are you waiting for someone or something to come and rescue you ? Dear Sirs, you will have to do that all by yourself.
@aysha: So true...
Very good and thought provoking. Keep it up Mr. Shafi
@Manzoor: In any sensible academia, the senate will ask for the resignation of the Vice chancellor. He is not fit to lead the university.
University is a place of high learning, inquisitive thoughts and exploration of new ideas.
The VC brought the faculty and the students to the dark ages by using his pulpit to curb the commonsense. Shame of it all no faculty who were in the audience questioned his preposterous claim.
If a VC can stoop to this level, what is the point of education in PAK? Now the world understands why all the fanatical activities are emanating from punjab in PAK.
Does any one know wether to cry or laugh? I do not.
We are just turning into a rudderless, mindless crowd, willing to protest and burn at just about anything and everything. The pathetic film which is clearly nothing but a manifestation of a filthy mind, should not be dignified with a response, let alone getting out in the streets and creating chaos burning our own property.
From VC to vendor, all we know is to blame the entire universe but ourselves for how things have turned out for Pakistan. I think losing sense at large is some sort of wrath of Allah
Marvelous not one single comment disagreeing with your article no one disagrees with any of the comments either. The sane must be at home today the rest is likely burning tires or maybe worse. The most telling of the story is that you still have to write it. But you gave hope at least.
Dear Kamran Shafi,
Excellent article. I always love to read your articles. They are full of truths and for the good of your nation. Keep it up.
KS Sahib you have outdone yourselves with this Op Ed. With the level of intelligence our VC and top scientist are showing makes me feel ashamed of belonging to those schools. No wonder our degrees are not recognized and our passports are looked at with disdain. How can these bozos get visa from any Western country after cooking up these stories? Pakistan handed over OBL's body to the US in 2006. However, both Bush and Republican Party were too modest to take any credit and lost the next elections miserably. During all the 2008 campaign candidate Obama kept hammering the Republicans for not finding OBL and they kept taking it quietly on the chin while the great VC of Pakistan knew the facts the whole American nation did not know. Just like the water powered car that Pakistanis know but the world does not. In addition the VC said the US raid was only staged to defame Pakistan. However, our army chief, ISI, ISPR and all the generals are quiet and supporting the US claims! Not a single voice from the deep state contradicted the US claim, why? Is every official or the army, ISI, ISPR and other forces a foreign agent?
Great article. Nice points about Osama.
@wajahat, Thanks for enriching my vvocabulary with the phrase "Zombie Club" which I came across for the first time! With Hamid Gil as its "President for life" & 'Dr AQ' et al as its "Professeurs Emiratus", it has bright future indeed!
excellant analysis.
I had forgotten the meaning of “cloud cuckoo land”: it’s not a phrase that we use every day. COED gives the meaning of this phrase as “a state of absurdly over-optimistic absurdity”. The author has successfully made his points. He has also put us wise on a number of matters. Thank you, Sir. The State of Pakistan has lived in a world of its own imagination from the moment of its birth. Whatever realism was there passed when the Qaed e Azam left us. After him it has been one long story of descent down the path to fanaticism, fundamentalism, extremism, and finally terror. How this will end is anybody’s guess. I would beg of everybody who reads this to send a word around that Pakistan needs to wake up from its somnombulist ways and come back to earth. Just as Aristophanes’ birds made the cloud cuckoo land, Pakistan’s ordinary people are being regaled with stories and expectations of a country which is one of the decision makers of the world. Within its own borders, Pakistan sure is a State that takes its own decisions in its own best lights. But in the comity of nations Pakistan is seen as a deceitful and double-dealing nation which additionally goes on hobnobbing with terror and extremism. If things go on like this, a future of assured tragedy awaits its people. There is still time. Someone in Pakistan should wake up to save the country from its Zardaris and Sharifs and Musharrafs. Pakistan needs realistic leaders who see both its limitations and opportunities. V. C. Bhutani, Delhi, India, 21 Sep 2012, 0535 IST
K.Shafi Saheb, I don't know how to praise you, because when it comes to expressing myself, it really becomes difficult for me to find appropriate words. Writing a simple e-mail becomes a huge headache for me. First thing that comes in my mind is that you are a genius in the art of expression, because, with such a little number of words and sentences, you have not only successfully, but also honestly, analyzed the deplorable situation of the local people with rational minds and despicable incidents that took place in Pakistan during the last two weeks. But that is not the only thing that I appreciate about you. I admire you, because, the courage with which you write such an opinion piece in a country, where a businessman can be booked under the dreadful blasphemy laws, which carry death sentence just for refusing to participate in a protest rally, is really a daunting task. I must also commend the Pak newspapers like the ET, Dawn and The Times for giving space in their pages to the opinions of the people such as you. Thank you, God bless you.
Sir, Thank you for your writings which also helps me to better learn the English Language. Thank you for using the word" shemozzle ". Today I learnt it's correct meaning : SHEMOZZLE definition : n. A state of chaos or confusion; a muddle Thank you Sir and thank you Tribune.
PS. I asked a friend of mine if he knew the meaning of shemozzle.I nearly fainted when he said that it was part of the female anatomy !!!
I am sure there are thousands of Pakistani students and professionals applying for visas, seats, citizenships , etc at foreign countries / foreign universities. Once of their basic document is their Pakistani Educational Qualifications and Certificates.
Imagine what the admissions office or the foreign immigrant official thinking of while evaluating the applicant's qualifications---- if their most respected universities' VC talks of such crap!!!
Pakistan has become an ostrich with head in the sand. Everyone is wrong or it is a CIA/RAW conspiracy when someone tries to show them the light. I still remember...my grand parents used to say that all wealthy people migrated to Pakistan and they are very rich and advanced. I hope he can see now what has happened to very same Pakistan. Very sad indeed!!
Well said. It is a sad commentary on the current state of the Pakistani mind (hollow & reptilian). As a Pakistani, it is painful to admit that we are deservedly the laughing stock of the world.
Kamran Shafi Saheb,
Once again very well written piece. You know sir! Everything is a conspiracy against us and our innocent nation. Alas, when will we come out of this state of denial?
Soon the author will be blamed as as paid agent of CIA/ Mossad/ RAW. How dare is he in questioning the intelligence of the VC and the scientists and the mullahs.
Shafi Sahib,
Another Great Article.
Dear Kamran Sahib,
Salute you for your courage to show the mirror to these fools. However I can give one possible explanation for the following sentence in the column; "How Osama begot these children after he had died in 2006 according to the professor, only he can tell us." It might be that OBL died as claimed by 'Professor Dr.' Mujahid Kamran but his neighbors were not dead, I think you can guess the answer.
Well said. Agree with you.
Kamran Shafi Vc of punjab univarsity and his theory on OBL justifies the poor state of higher education in Pakistan Media is, of the crooks, by the crooks,for the crooks. And blasphemy protest instead of burning own property the best reaction should have been sending more darood sharif on holy prophet(pubh)'. Excellant article regards. .
All these people protesting, attacking public and private property in Pakistan, what do they wish to achieve? If given the opportunity, will they go to war or take the green card? Hollow pride, intolerance and lack of basic manners is that how we wish to be known? Good piece Kamran Sahib.
Well written as usual by our one and the only, Kamran Shafi. I am an alumnus of Punjab University and feel quite embarrassed that its reverent VC spouts such crazy stuff. However, one knows that quite a few recent occupants of this exalted academic office belonged to the same zombie club. Anyway, I welcome another hero from the land of the pure to the elite club of Hameed Guls and Qadeer Khans.
Always fun to read your article. Good Job.
Spot on... great insights... beyond anyone sane's person comprehension how common person in pakistan is living with fear and controversies..
"...How Osama begot these children after he had died in 2006 according to the professor, only he can tell us..."
Deep frozen sperm ?