10 things I hate about vacations
Making friends jealous: I spend half my day snapping photographs and the other half uploading them on Facebook.
1. The memories of the last days of school and how no one wants me. Remember how you mocked those pitiable nerds who couldn’t get anyone to sign their yearbooks on the last day of high school? That’s me and my yearbook is an empty, pocket-sized green book — and vacations only remind me of this sad truth.
2. Being out of the loop. I’ve seen Big Ben in London, mountains in Switzerland and the Statue of Liberty in New York. Is there something more exciting than this that you’re supposed to do on vacation? If yes, someone, please enlighten me.
3. The voyeurism. Here’s how to have a ‘real’ vacation: stand in a line gawking at poor people and tell everyone how you aren’t like all the other pampered tourists who never venture out of the tourist traps.
4. Going ‘native’. Humans have spent the last century inventing things like indoor plumbing, high-definition televisions and microwavable popcorn. Yet our idea of a vacation is spending a week outside, where sand gets in our eyes and people get in our way.
5. Envy. I only go on vacation to make my friends jealous. That’s why I spend half my day snapping photographs and the other half uploading them on Facebook.
6. Forced fun: Got diarrhea from dodgy food on the first day of your vacation? Doesn’t matter. You’re on vacation, dammit, and you’re going to have fun even if it reduces your life expectancy by three decades.
7. All the other travelers: It’s really hard to claim with a straight face that I discovered a great, unknown jazz club in New Orleans when everyone has their cameras slung around their necks and hip pouches fastened to their waists.
8. The actual travel bit: If backpacking around Europe is the ideal, dragging two suitcases onto smelly trains while no one understands any of the three languages you speak is the reality.
9. Family fights. Mom wants to go shopping, dad wants to shoot defenseless animals for fun, the emo teenage son wants to sulk in his hotel room, the baby just wants to cry in a public place.
10. Coming back unemployed. Take a long enough vacation and your bosses will discover just how well they get along without you.
Published in The Express Tribune Sunday Magazine, January 9th, 2011.
2. Being out of the loop. I’ve seen Big Ben in London, mountains in Switzerland and the Statue of Liberty in New York. Is there something more exciting than this that you’re supposed to do on vacation? If yes, someone, please enlighten me.
3. The voyeurism. Here’s how to have a ‘real’ vacation: stand in a line gawking at poor people and tell everyone how you aren’t like all the other pampered tourists who never venture out of the tourist traps.
4. Going ‘native’. Humans have spent the last century inventing things like indoor plumbing, high-definition televisions and microwavable popcorn. Yet our idea of a vacation is spending a week outside, where sand gets in our eyes and people get in our way.
5. Envy. I only go on vacation to make my friends jealous. That’s why I spend half my day snapping photographs and the other half uploading them on Facebook.
6. Forced fun: Got diarrhea from dodgy food on the first day of your vacation? Doesn’t matter. You’re on vacation, dammit, and you’re going to have fun even if it reduces your life expectancy by three decades.
7. All the other travelers: It’s really hard to claim with a straight face that I discovered a great, unknown jazz club in New Orleans when everyone has their cameras slung around their necks and hip pouches fastened to their waists.
8. The actual travel bit: If backpacking around Europe is the ideal, dragging two suitcases onto smelly trains while no one understands any of the three languages you speak is the reality.
9. Family fights. Mom wants to go shopping, dad wants to shoot defenseless animals for fun, the emo teenage son wants to sulk in his hotel room, the baby just wants to cry in a public place.
10. Coming back unemployed. Take a long enough vacation and your bosses will discover just how well they get along without you.
Published in The Express Tribune Sunday Magazine, January 9th, 2011.