The height of success
Many people believe one’s overall wellbeing is directly proportional to how tall they are, but is this really true?
DESIGN BY TALHA KHAN
Ever since he was a teenager, Adeel Hamid* has been the centre of everyone’s attention. Over six feet tall, with chocolate brown hair and a porcelain complexion, the 29-year-old banker was sure to turn heads everywhere he went until he chose to marry a girl one foot shorter than himself. Friends and family alike began castigating the couple for their height difference and many even went to the extent of labelling Adeel and his significant other as ‘misfits’.
Unfortunately, Adeel’s story hardly constitutes as breaking news. Harsh as it may sound, his experience lends credence to the bitter reality that people are judged by their appearance, no matter how hard they try to prove themselves otherwise. “Honestly, I was rather shocked by how negatively people spoke about my wife (Ushna) and me, just because of our height difference,” says Adeel. This started to take a toll on Ushna’s wellbeing Adeel shares. She started to internalise things and this made her believe she didn’t deserve to be with Adeel.
Ushna’s concern is shared by people who are below the average height, which is approximately five feet seven inches for males and five feet two inches for females in Pakistan reports the averageheight.co. According to a study by Oxford University which was published last year, feeling smaller makes people feel paranoid, mistrustful and more likely to think that others are staring at them or talking about them. The study refers to the problem as ‘short-man syndrome’, also known as the Napoleon complex, and as per the findings, shorter men or women make for a more jealous spouse in comparison to their taller counterparts. ‘Heightism’, a universal term given to the prejudice or discrimination against individuals based on their height is, however, the byproduct of society. From marriage proposals to job interviews, height influences decisions and overshadows the more important aspects of an individual’s personality such as their capabilities and talents.
In Pakistan, marriage proposals are sifted through primarily on the basis of looks. Asma Siddiqi*, a 22-year-old student from the University of Karachi, shares the humiliation she had to go through after facing rejection based on her height. “At a wedding last year, an aunty seeking prospective brides looked at me and remarked ‘if only you were taller’,” she recalls. What is surprising is that even men face similar discrimination, if not in the field of marriage, then in the competitive job market. Malcolm Gladwell, a Canadian journalist and bestselling author, states in his book titled Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking, that most CEOs of 500 Fortune companies are tall men with an average height of above six feet. “Tall men have better jobs, more success with women and more money than their shorter counterparts,” says Gladwell in the context of cultural bias.
Unfortunately, society tends to favour taller individuals. “People tend to take tall people more seriously,” explains Areeba Muzzaffer, an intern at the Agha Khan University Hospital (AKUH) in Karachi who is five feet six inches tall. “As soon as you see a short person you can’t help but crack a joke on their height,” she adds. Shahzeb Hassan, a 23-year-old student from the Lahore University of Management Science, agrees with Areeba. At over six feet tall, Shahzeb shares that his height helps him portray a positive self-image and boosts his confidence.
Moreover, personality related issues pertaining to short height stem from culture. According to Dr Aisha Mian, the head of psychiatry department at AKUH, parents emphasise on height at a very early age by asking children to drink more milk or engage in certain sports to help them grow tall. “Sentences of praise such as mashAllah kitna lamba hogya hai (look how tall you have grown) are a prime example,” she adds. Eventually those who don’t gain height end up with a lower self-esteem. In fact, sports or other professions that require people to have a certain height, such as basketball, sumo wrestling or modeling also contribute to disappointment for some who do not meet the height criteria. On the other hand, Dr Nargis Asad, a clinical psychologist at AKUH, says that there are other factors that contribute to lower self-esteem besides one’s height. “There may be people who search for taller spouses but not everyone follows the stereotype,” she adds. People who are shorter consciously enhance other parts of their personality to make up for their height, she adds. For instance, Dr Aisha explains that shorter men, in turn, become louder, more assertive or participate in extra-curricular activities to become more visible. On the other hand, women wear heels or try to make up for their height by excelling in other things.
But unlike what many believe, the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. Even tall people have to face their fair share of problems. “With being tall comes the notion that one is more serious, ambitious and logical,” states Dr Aisha. And it can be hard to live up to everyone’s expectations all the time.
*Names have been changed to protect privacy.
Learn to respect yourself
American poet Robert Frost once said, “Happiness makes up in height for what it lacks in length.” Therefore, to be content with one’s stature one must get rid of the negativity and adorn a more positive self-image. Follow these useful tips to build self-compassion:
Treat yourself how you would treat others
If you think calling someone else short would hurt their feelings then don’t do it to yourself either.
Care about yourself
Self-pitying or being paranoid because of one’s height will only stop them from moving ahead in life. If you care about yourself, do what’s right for you rather than what’s harming you.
Reach for your goals
Height doesn’t stop you from becoming successful. If you put your mind to something, there is nothing that can stop you from achieving your goal.
Published in The Express Tribune, Ms T, March 15th, 2015.
Unfortunately, Adeel’s story hardly constitutes as breaking news. Harsh as it may sound, his experience lends credence to the bitter reality that people are judged by their appearance, no matter how hard they try to prove themselves otherwise. “Honestly, I was rather shocked by how negatively people spoke about my wife (Ushna) and me, just because of our height difference,” says Adeel. This started to take a toll on Ushna’s wellbeing Adeel shares. She started to internalise things and this made her believe she didn’t deserve to be with Adeel.
Ushna’s concern is shared by people who are below the average height, which is approximately five feet seven inches for males and five feet two inches for females in Pakistan reports the averageheight.co. According to a study by Oxford University which was published last year, feeling smaller makes people feel paranoid, mistrustful and more likely to think that others are staring at them or talking about them. The study refers to the problem as ‘short-man syndrome’, also known as the Napoleon complex, and as per the findings, shorter men or women make for a more jealous spouse in comparison to their taller counterparts. ‘Heightism’, a universal term given to the prejudice or discrimination against individuals based on their height is, however, the byproduct of society. From marriage proposals to job interviews, height influences decisions and overshadows the more important aspects of an individual’s personality such as their capabilities and talents.
In Pakistan, marriage proposals are sifted through primarily on the basis of looks. Asma Siddiqi*, a 22-year-old student from the University of Karachi, shares the humiliation she had to go through after facing rejection based on her height. “At a wedding last year, an aunty seeking prospective brides looked at me and remarked ‘if only you were taller’,” she recalls. What is surprising is that even men face similar discrimination, if not in the field of marriage, then in the competitive job market. Malcolm Gladwell, a Canadian journalist and bestselling author, states in his book titled Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking, that most CEOs of 500 Fortune companies are tall men with an average height of above six feet. “Tall men have better jobs, more success with women and more money than their shorter counterparts,” says Gladwell in the context of cultural bias.
Unfortunately, society tends to favour taller individuals. “People tend to take tall people more seriously,” explains Areeba Muzzaffer, an intern at the Agha Khan University Hospital (AKUH) in Karachi who is five feet six inches tall. “As soon as you see a short person you can’t help but crack a joke on their height,” she adds. Shahzeb Hassan, a 23-year-old student from the Lahore University of Management Science, agrees with Areeba. At over six feet tall, Shahzeb shares that his height helps him portray a positive self-image and boosts his confidence.
Moreover, personality related issues pertaining to short height stem from culture. According to Dr Aisha Mian, the head of psychiatry department at AKUH, parents emphasise on height at a very early age by asking children to drink more milk or engage in certain sports to help them grow tall. “Sentences of praise such as mashAllah kitna lamba hogya hai (look how tall you have grown) are a prime example,” she adds. Eventually those who don’t gain height end up with a lower self-esteem. In fact, sports or other professions that require people to have a certain height, such as basketball, sumo wrestling or modeling also contribute to disappointment for some who do not meet the height criteria. On the other hand, Dr Nargis Asad, a clinical psychologist at AKUH, says that there are other factors that contribute to lower self-esteem besides one’s height. “There may be people who search for taller spouses but not everyone follows the stereotype,” she adds. People who are shorter consciously enhance other parts of their personality to make up for their height, she adds. For instance, Dr Aisha explains that shorter men, in turn, become louder, more assertive or participate in extra-curricular activities to become more visible. On the other hand, women wear heels or try to make up for their height by excelling in other things.
But unlike what many believe, the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. Even tall people have to face their fair share of problems. “With being tall comes the notion that one is more serious, ambitious and logical,” states Dr Aisha. And it can be hard to live up to everyone’s expectations all the time.
*Names have been changed to protect privacy.
Learn to respect yourself
American poet Robert Frost once said, “Happiness makes up in height for what it lacks in length.” Therefore, to be content with one’s stature one must get rid of the negativity and adorn a more positive self-image. Follow these useful tips to build self-compassion:
Treat yourself how you would treat others
If you think calling someone else short would hurt their feelings then don’t do it to yourself either.
Care about yourself
Self-pitying or being paranoid because of one’s height will only stop them from moving ahead in life. If you care about yourself, do what’s right for you rather than what’s harming you.
Reach for your goals
Height doesn’t stop you from becoming successful. If you put your mind to something, there is nothing that can stop you from achieving your goal.
Published in The Express Tribune, Ms T, March 15th, 2015.