Wedding hopping for dummies

Short of retreating to your duvet vowing to become a social recluse, there’s no way to avoid attending a large number of events. In theory, the dressing up, dancing, feasting and mingling should be fun. The reality is a blur of late nights, salon appointments, wardrobe crises and traffic. Still, you can minimise the worst of the discomforts of the season with a few smart moves.

Be systematic & picky: Pop all those events into your phone’s calendar, so you can keep track of where you are supposed to be. Unless you’re very close friends or family, it’s perfectly acceptable to attend only one event per wedding. The mehndhi, with its colourful dances, is generally the most entertaining, but if you want to hang around only long enough to congratulate the couple and press an envelope into their hands, the valima is the best bet.

Organise your wardrobe: Decide what you want to wear and when. Dig out your shaadi wear, spot-check and dry clean if necessary. Lie blatantly to designers and tailors about when you need new outfits by. They expect it and even rely on it.

Book a weekly TLC session at the salon: All those late nights, blow-dries and rich food can play havoc with your skin and hair. Make time for a weekly protein or hot oil hair treatment. Add a body massage if you can, particularly, if you’ve been attending lots of late night dholkis.

Don’t skimp on gym time: Unless you are working off tons of calories in dance practices, don’t even think about skipping your regular exercise routine. Those wedding mithais are going to tip the scales unless you take action.


Be prepared for gifting: Stock up on pretty envelopes — avoid that last minute rummage for suitable covers for cash. White office envelopes look so tacky.

 Embrace tea time:  Whether you are a guest or a family member, there’s little chance of getting fed at a wedding until the wee hours. Tea time, therefore, should be a substantial affair — sandwiches, soups and fruit chaat are the order of the day. You’ll be able to keep hunger pangs at bay and just sample the wedding goodies instead of stuffing yourself with rich, greasy food till you’re almost comatose. Alternatively, you can eat at home and then go to the wedding;  events invariably start late and there’s plenty of time for dinner beforehand.

Anti-aunty prep: Pakistani aunties are a lethal weapon and weddings are their playground. They’ll ask why you’re unmarried or why you don’t have kids yet even though they haven’t exchanged two words with you in five years. They’ll rishta-stalk anyone who looks unmarried and tell people they are looking fat or unattractive. They’ll force silly rasms on everyone, even when the bride is teary-eyed at being made to do something she doesn’t agree with. Aunties are guaranteed to ruin almost anyone’s evening with a choice remark. Keep an eye out for them and avoid them at all costs.

Get salon smart: Book your blow-dries for as early in the day as you can manage. Salons are crazy busy later in the day, which means long waits and rushed jobs. Skip the blow-dry once in a while for a cool messy up-do — it’s kinder on your hair and the internet is full of step-by-step videos. Also, make sure to get Gelish nails — who has time for regular nail touchups when you’re out every night? Gelish is chip resistant and longlasting; there’s no longer any excuse for shoddy nails.

Be kind to your skin: Cleanse, tone, moisturise? Not likely! Chances are that the best your skin sees at the end of a long evening under make-up is a half-hearted swipe with wet-wipe. Compensate with a proper cleanse and tone when you’re properly awake and remember to drink lots of water to keep your skin well-hydrated. Make sure you use a primer under make-up — it gives your make-up greater staying power and protects your skin at the same time.

Of course, these tips are mainly for wedding guests. If you’re one of the happy couples or their parents, this doesn’t even begin to touch on your issues. Managing all the details you pored over, making sure the event runs smoothly and ensuring that no one is offended, is the tip of the iceberg. You’ll invariably have the relatives who start a feud over little things, the impossible task of making sure everyone has a driver when they want one and last minute let-downs by caterers or event managers… Xanax, anyone?

Published in The Express Tribune, December 22^nd, 2013.