A cynical view of a minor farce

The agony is finally over. At last the cleansing action has been completed. Hopefully, we will soon be on our way to the 13th century. Now, what would we have done without those sagacious returning officers? For a brief period, these perceptive and astute vigilantes, with their medieval outlook, had their moment of glory. Because of them, we now have the pick of the bunch to choose from to take us once again to the glorious dark ages. Remember how the wicked squirmed under the glare of the inquisitors? Whoever drafted those trenchant questions deserves a special award. In case you aren’t familiar with the queries — here are four of the really incisive ones. “Are you properly circumcised?” “Have you ever stood outside a girls’ college?” “Have you ever eaten pork?” And, “In case you land in a situation when the only drink available to quench your thirst is alcohol, would you drink it?” Even if the poor secular mutt managed to lie through his teeth up to this point, what was he going to do when he was asked to recite from the Scriptures?

Now, I was under the impression that the job of the election commission was to try and find honest, straightforward, God-fearing, sensible and educated men and women who had never been suspected of or convicted of moral turpitude. And that they were to give a hard kick in the pants to the bank defaulters, tax evaders, rapists, men who sodomise young boys, people who steal electricity and those in positions of power who siphoned off millions of dollars into Swiss banks. From what I can gather, the people who are calling the shots have apparently decided that Pakistan does have an ideology after all. And that it is a blend of the Objectives Resolution, Ziaul Haq’s Hudood Ordinances and the belief that as Pakistan was created as a homeland for the Muslims of the subcontinent, it has to be a theocracy.


This is what I find so confusing. I belong to that small tribe which has become an endangered species. The tribe that still believes that the Ideology of Pakistan is, and always will be, come what may, what Mr Jinnah stated in his oft-quoted presidential address to the Constituent Assembly of Pakistan on August 11, 1947. You know the one where he said, “You are free; you are free to go to your temples, you are free to go to your mosques or to any other place of worship in this state of Pakistan. You may belong to any religion or caste or creed — that has nothing to do with the business of the state … We are starting with this fundamental principle that we are all citizens and equal citizens of one state.” Mr Jinnah believed in a Muslim majority state, not a theocratic one. When Pakistan Television and Radio Pakistan were instructed to edit that speech by cutting out the bit about religion and the state, in my study of jurisprudence, they were committing treason. As you can see, there is still a certain amount of confusion in the minds of the people, particularly members of the older generation who lived under the secular government of Ayub Khan. I think the chief election commissioner should hold a press conference and also appear on the telly to let the nation know just what our ideology is supposed to be — so that the matter can be cleared up once and for all.

Published in The Express Tribune, April 21^st, 2013.