The popular choice

This attitude, combined with my lack of basic eye-hand coordination, means I have always hated cricket. It started out as bitterness, caused by my consistently being chosen last for any team before being relegated to the furthest corner of the field. The mass throwing up of arms in despair whenever it was my turn to wield the bat didn’t help much, nor did the fact that the bat and ball were mine and the playing field was always my garden. The result of all this negativity was that I distrusted anyone who played cricket and generally felt the game was patronised only by morally corrupt jerks who would reveal themselves one day as fools, liars and beaters of women and babies. Therefore, you can imagine my smug smile of victory as the verdict of the spot-fixing trial was recently announced. “See,” I muttered, “if we had all just stayed inside and read books like I said, then none of this would have happened”. Pakistan would not have been shamed (yet again) on the international stage and none of your hearts would be broken by the shameful betrayal that our team put you through. But no one ever listens to me until it’s too late. The curse of being unpopular.


This is probably why I dislike the Pakistan Tehreek-e-Insaaf even more now. They never rejected me for membership (largely because I never gave them the opportunity by applying), but the current wave of popularity has set my cynicism senses tingling aplenty. Imran Khan himself I do not mind so much. His honesty, I don’t doubt for a second, nor do I question his commitment to his beliefs. Better and more knowledgeable people than I have critiqued the intelligence behind those beliefs and the practicality of his promises. I agree with all their analysis and won’t bother regurgitating it here. You, after all, will not be convinced by me that having Hamid Gul as a supporter is a bad sign and finding partners in the Sipah-e-Sahaba Pakistan is worse. Those who have thrown their support behind him have done so with all the zeal of a Twilight enthusiast and it will take nothing less than post-election disillusionment and disappointment for them to realise that a little cynicism goes a long way. For now, even I am willing to acknowledge that the oddly unfamiliar sensation of hope that everyone is feeling is a good high to enjoy and anyone who will further diminish the PML-N’s chances of being relevant is appreciated. Do I wish Imran Khan was liberal, secular and analytically impressive? Absolutely, but then I’ve also come to terms (albeit grudgingly) with the fact that those are not things that Pakistan currently has any interest in being. Do I also wish that he had stayed consistent with the anti-corruption platform he began with all those years ago? Sure, but then he would have to staff the entire government with clones of himself were he to ever come to power. So all that’s left of me is to sit here and sulk, waiting for my turn at the inevitable I-Told-You-So. Let me have that, it’s all I have left.

Published in The Express Tribune, November 3^rd, 2011.