Hateful decisions…
Ireally wish I could decide who I hate more: the PPP or the PML-N. It’s so terribly confusing.
I don’t blame the two parties themselves. After all, they are just behaving as political parties in Pakistan are wont to; hilariously pathetic and despicably evil. That is in their nature. I don’t blame the snake for carrying poison in its fangs, nor do I blame politicians for being repulsive, soul destroying, hope devouring creatures. But I do fear the snake and hate the politicians. But how much hate? That’s the conundrum I wrestle with nightly as I lay in bed punching the large body-pillow I use for snuggling.
I think the problem is I have a limited amount of loathing to dole out. Hate is exhausting and requires a great deal of focused time management to properly be utilised. Without that kind of laser precision, I end up just strafing all kinds of people with my Hate and who has the patience to deal with that kind of collateral damage? But they make it so difficult to choose. It was easier in the past. Back in the 90s I decided to exclusively hate the PPP. They abused our hope. It was that simple. No one expected the PML-N to bring about real change and societal improvement. You don’t get handpicked by Zia because of your ability to do good after all. So Nawaz dodged my animus by the complete lack of expectations he came with. Indeed, his entire political platform has pretty much always been “Hey, At Least We Aren’t The PPP!” But the Bhutto party allowed us to dream. To hope. It made the subsequent betrayal all the more painful. But that was then. Today, both parties are free of the burden of expectation. We know they are equally corrupt and incompetent, it’s just about deciding who can win the race to the bottom of the moral sinkhole. The PML-N seems like the obvious choice, given how many in their ranks decided to fake an education. Availing the group-discount that fictional universities were offering in such shameless numbers definitely gives you a head start in winning my Hate Cup. But then I remember that the PPP still hasn’t fired Jamshed Dasti. You might remember him as the first of that new gang of celebrities known as The Illiterates. I prefer to remember him as the guy who thinks it okay to harass gang-rape victims and feels rapists getting the death penalty is too harsh a punishment. So the PPP edges ahead. But then the PML-N decides their fear of higher education is the media’s fault. They spend time attempting an Anti-Media Resolution in the Punjab Assembly. Time that could have been better spent, oh I don’t know, trying to study. So my Sauron-like reptilian Eye of Hate glares at them. Only to be distracted by PPP comedian Babar Awan (he has to be a comedian because the alternative is to take him seriously) claiming Bilawal Bhutto will be the next prime minister. Now don’t get me wrong, I’ve had a soft spot for Bilawal since I found out he is a fan of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, a television show that never got the respect I believe it deserves. That, however, does not mean he gets to inherit the government. The PPP may choose to embarrass itself by clinging to antiquated rules of birth-right, but let’s at least pretend like the government relies on democratic elections before it decides who’s in charge. So the PPP then? Well, not so fast. The PML-N has been mollycoddling the Taliban. And tried to outlaw Romeo and Juliet with their new amendments to the nikahnama. Yet, I worry that any commitment of Hate made to the PML-N will be instantly regretted given the PPP’s track history. Maybe I just need to find the strength to hate them all.
Published in The Express Tribune, July 15th, 2010.
I don’t blame the two parties themselves. After all, they are just behaving as political parties in Pakistan are wont to; hilariously pathetic and despicably evil. That is in their nature. I don’t blame the snake for carrying poison in its fangs, nor do I blame politicians for being repulsive, soul destroying, hope devouring creatures. But I do fear the snake and hate the politicians. But how much hate? That’s the conundrum I wrestle with nightly as I lay in bed punching the large body-pillow I use for snuggling.
I think the problem is I have a limited amount of loathing to dole out. Hate is exhausting and requires a great deal of focused time management to properly be utilised. Without that kind of laser precision, I end up just strafing all kinds of people with my Hate and who has the patience to deal with that kind of collateral damage? But they make it so difficult to choose. It was easier in the past. Back in the 90s I decided to exclusively hate the PPP. They abused our hope. It was that simple. No one expected the PML-N to bring about real change and societal improvement. You don’t get handpicked by Zia because of your ability to do good after all. So Nawaz dodged my animus by the complete lack of expectations he came with. Indeed, his entire political platform has pretty much always been “Hey, At Least We Aren’t The PPP!” But the Bhutto party allowed us to dream. To hope. It made the subsequent betrayal all the more painful. But that was then. Today, both parties are free of the burden of expectation. We know they are equally corrupt and incompetent, it’s just about deciding who can win the race to the bottom of the moral sinkhole. The PML-N seems like the obvious choice, given how many in their ranks decided to fake an education. Availing the group-discount that fictional universities were offering in such shameless numbers definitely gives you a head start in winning my Hate Cup. But then I remember that the PPP still hasn’t fired Jamshed Dasti. You might remember him as the first of that new gang of celebrities known as The Illiterates. I prefer to remember him as the guy who thinks it okay to harass gang-rape victims and feels rapists getting the death penalty is too harsh a punishment. So the PPP edges ahead. But then the PML-N decides their fear of higher education is the media’s fault. They spend time attempting an Anti-Media Resolution in the Punjab Assembly. Time that could have been better spent, oh I don’t know, trying to study. So my Sauron-like reptilian Eye of Hate glares at them. Only to be distracted by PPP comedian Babar Awan (he has to be a comedian because the alternative is to take him seriously) claiming Bilawal Bhutto will be the next prime minister. Now don’t get me wrong, I’ve had a soft spot for Bilawal since I found out he is a fan of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, a television show that never got the respect I believe it deserves. That, however, does not mean he gets to inherit the government. The PPP may choose to embarrass itself by clinging to antiquated rules of birth-right, but let’s at least pretend like the government relies on democratic elections before it decides who’s in charge. So the PPP then? Well, not so fast. The PML-N has been mollycoddling the Taliban. And tried to outlaw Romeo and Juliet with their new amendments to the nikahnama. Yet, I worry that any commitment of Hate made to the PML-N will be instantly regretted given the PPP’s track history. Maybe I just need to find the strength to hate them all.
Published in The Express Tribune, July 15th, 2010.