The slow unravelling of Pakistan's joint families
In cities like Rawalpindi and Islamabad, couples like Omar and Sana are quietly stepping away from the joint family tradition that once defined Pakistani households.
Their story isn't one of rebellion, but of negotiating space, freedom, and identity in a fast-changing world.
As women seek equality and independence, and men face growing economic and emotional pressure to support both their own families and ageing parents, the old system is showing its cracks.
Rising living costs, job insecurity, urban migration, and shifting gender roles have changed the very fabric of family life. The joint family system is slowly unravelling — not out of disrespect for tradition, but out of a deep desire to survive, grow, and live on their own terms.
"I wanted complete freedom, privacy, independence, and no interference in my decisions," said Sana. "At the same time, I wasn't trying to disrespect traditions; I just needed space to be myself."
Omar, however, held a different view. "Family unity, caring for elders, and living together — these were sacred to me," he said. Both, while talking to APP, shared how they had to navigate the complexities of married life, constantly balancing tradition with personal boundaries and the desire for autonomy.
Their journey, filled with long conversations and compromises, reflects a broader shift happening across Pakistan. The couple eventually carved out a lifestyle that honoured both their identities, upholding traditions they valued while allowing room for modern values, especially personal freedom and equality.
Their story is not unique. Across urban Pakistan, the joint family system — once the backbone of society — is quietly giving way to nuclear households.
This change, experts and citizens say, is driven not just by economic pressures but also by changing social values, especially the growing need among couples, and particularly women, for autonomy, space, and shared power.
Maulana Hafiz Muhammad Yasir Attari, sharing his thoughts with APP, highlighted that while Islam does not impose a specific family structure, it strongly promotes values like unity, kindness, and mutual care.
"Serving parents is a duty shared by sons and daughters. If all children are earning, the emotional and financial responsibilities must be divided fairly," he said. "Islam teaches justice and compassion, not burdening any one individual."
Dr Azam Raza Tabassum, an educationist, told this scribe that the absence of joint families affects emotional well-being. "In smaller families, especially when both spouses work, the pressure builds up.
There's no backup system. Fatigue and loneliness creep in," he said. He emphasised that joint families once served as emotional anchors, where children learned values and adults shared responsibilities.
Nazia Mubashar, a housewife, speaking to APP, fondly recalled how life was easier when families lived together. "Elders would help with children, household work, and offer emotional support. It wasn't just about chores — it was about love, togetherness, and never feeling alone."
Sabeela Mushtaq, another homemaker, acknowledged that while joint families provide support, modern women often feel restricted.
"Today, women want freedom — to work, to make choices, to have their own space. That's hard to manage in traditional joint setups. So many are choosing smaller, independent homes."
Muhammad Siddique, a grandfather, reflected on the emotional aspect of this change. "We come from a time when parents made all the decisions. Now, children want independence.
And they deserve it. We should guide them with love, not force," he said. "Criticism pushes them away. Encouragement brings them closer."
Beyond emotions, urbanisation, rising living costs, and career mobility have made nuclear living more practical. Add to that the influence of digital life and social media, and real-life family interactions often take a backseat.