Mr know it all: Young love

From relationship blues to money woes, Mr Know It All has the answers!

Q. Dear Mr Know It All,

I am in a great depression and would be thankful to you from the core of my heart if you could help solve my problem. I was in a relationship with the most trustworthy and loving guy on the face of this earth, and we both were very serious about each other. We were class fellows and fell in love in the 9th grade, and our love for each other was almost exemplary. The first 20 months of our relationship went by very smoothly, but then we broke up intentionally because he thought that being in a relationship could destroy our lives and future as we were having too many fights. We had a great discussion about this and he managed to convince me that breaking up would be a healthy step. But my problem is that I can’t forget him! I know he still loves me and cares for me, and that’s making things worse. He fears we’re too immature to handle this and is afraid our parents will eventually force us to break up. I don’t know what to do or think anymore… How should I overcome my feelings for him?

Depressed



A. Twenty months is exactly the kind of time a 15-year-old guy takes to get bored with a “relationship”… especially the kind in which he has to spend more time arguing and trying to make sense of girlie feelings than doing other, more enjoyable stuff with his girlfriend. I’m not saying it’s your fault he chickened out entirely, no, but in all fairness, I have a feeling you jumped into this whole boyfriend-girlfriend thing thinking that he would be IT: your knight in shining armour; the man who would build you your dream house on the prairie and father your army of cute little children…

Love doesn’t work that way, and sulking over what could have been rarely helps the situation. Life and dating and relationships are all about trial & error, and you’ve got your whole life ahead of you to make this experiment work. Instead of obsessing over what was clearly an error, allow yourself to grow from this experience instead. After all, these break-ups just teach you how to make better lemonade… and did I tell you boys love girls that make good lemonade?

Q. Dear Mr. Know It All.

I’m a 20-year-old boy. I have always been a good student and consider myself to be talented and creative. I was always a very stubborn kid, yet I was also very shy and sensitive. I’m not very good-looking so when I was a child, people often used to make fun of my ‘ugliness’ because of which I’ve developed some complexes. I get nervous easily, and can’t bear harsh words from anyone, especially my family and the few friends that I have. I find it difficult to talk confidently to people, more so if I don’t know them well and am in an unfamiliar environment. My school life was adversely affected by these complexes. I didn’t make a lot of friends and my class fellows never really made any attempt to befriend me either. The same thing happened in college and now my psychological problem has followed me into my workplace. I find it impossible to express myself in front of my boss and colleagues. Whenever my boss asks me something, I go numb, and am unable to speak confidently. I get emotional and teary, which is very embarrassing. I face the same problem at home. I can’t enjoy the company of my cousins without feeling inferior, and whenever my brother’s or father’s friends come to visit us, I get anxious around them as well. Please help me solve this problem as I can’t live like this anymore!

Complex

 

A. Believe it or not, your problem is not your fault but your parents’. Protecting children from the big bad world doesn’t only mean sheltering them from the big bad people that inhibit it; it means making them believe in themselves, and instilling in them the confidence to know that they’re no less than those big bad people. I wish your parents had done that for you… but since they didn’t, here’s a little scenario you can play in your head the next time someone threatens to turn you into a nervous wreck: The person has gone to the loo at a posh restaurant and has just realised there’s no water or toilet paper around! Suddenly, their good looks and urbane coolness are not enough to get them out of this particular mess. They’re panicky and totally helpless… why? Because they’re human. Just like you. They also go to the loo, have embarrassing bodies and spend an average of five minutes a day (and I’m not kidding here) passing gas.

Everyone’s prone to finding themselves stuck in embarrassing situations just as easily as you and I, kiddo, so don’t be too hard on yourself. I assure you even the coolest of us also sometimes stand in front of the mirror and wish we had smaller ears or a few more muscles... or how if we only knew all the right things to say at the right time life would become so much easier!

 

Q. Dear Mr Know It All,

I am a very reserved person, and I am beginning to feel that this has done nothing but tarnish my reputation. I am often perceived as a girl with a lot of ‘attitude’ because I only speak when spoken to and I often reserve my opinion in conversations. I shy away from making friends and limit my acquaintances to a select few. It is difficult for me to walk up to people and strike up a conversation; as much as I’d love to, I just cannot seem to pull up the courage to be a socialite. What can I do to reverse this?

Misunderstood

 

A. I could do a little tap dance here about how you need to nurture your soul and empower yourself from within if you want to overcome the inhibitions that are holding you back from being your own person and finding the courage to be an easy friendmaker and whatnot, but I won’t. What’ll help you more in a situation like this, I believe, is if you simply stop succumbing to the grandma voices in your head and learn to control your brain-switch! Forget the niceties your parents taught you twenty years ago because they don’t apply anymore. Be a loudmouth, and just turn the little switch off whenever you start overthinking stuff. This world has become the playground of the obnoxious socialite, and you don’t need courage to become one of those, you need an opinion … so force yourself to voice it every chance you get! The more in-your-face and forthright and blunt you are with the people you meet, live and work with, the more friends you’re eventually going to make.

Just so you know though, the word ‘hermit’ for some reason always reminds me of a bug ... and we all know the miserable end most bugs meet. So change quickly, before someone stomps you out! 

Published in The Express Tribune, Sunday Magazine, September 11^th,  2011.