When cons sell confidence

The economic troubles of Pakistan are felt in two places chiefly: in the lives of the poor citizens and on the news channels’ flashy headlines. Sadly, only the latter one matters. Cherry on the cake — it is not even the extreme summer yet. The scorching heat is still to come. The coalition government is already in the phase where each party is willing to not only throw the other under the bus but is also desperate to stab the other in the back at the first opportunity it gets.

The PML-N is now saying that whatever decisions that must be taken regarding the economic situation in the country must have a stamp of the coalition members as well since they are partners in this enterprise. They say success has many fathers, but here the effort is to create many fathers for failure. If it had wanted economic decisions to be made by all coalition parties then there was a simple solution for that: it could have appointed the Finance Minister from the coalition parties just as they did with the rubber stamp foreign ministry. The enterprise is now put to work to solve the economic woes of the country by those who don’t want their hands dirtied.

It just reminds me of a childhood joke that I liked to repeat a lot. An employer had advertised a job opening and was offering only free food instead of any monetary salary. One desperate applicant shows up for the interview hoping to get the job and the free food that came with it. The employer lived in a house near a langar khana where free food was given to all the poor and needy of the local area. At the interview, the applicant asked what the job description was. The employer said that the job really was quite simple: should the applicant accept the job offer, all he would have to do is to just go to the langar khana and bring food for two people to eat.

Almost everybody found this joke amusing, except that I never could figure out who the listeners always laughed at: the applicant or the employer? And I still wonder to this day.

The hardcore PML-N members are giving out statements to exude confidence and to appear on top of the game. Khwaja Saad Rafique said, “Very soon you will see us playing in the forward position.” They are selling confidence when they do not have any among their coalition partners. So much for coming to power through that so-called vote of no-confidence. The C word continues to emerge in many weird situations ever since this enterprise has been in charge of the government.

Just two days ago, the Defence Minister, another rubber stamp portfolio, said, “We and our coalition partners will put our case before the people of Pakistan … [and take them] into confidence in the next 48 hours.” I wonder if he realises that he got it backwards. People should not be taken into confidence over government’s decisions but rather that government’s decisions and actions should gain people’s confidence. The vote-ko-izzat-do (respect the vote) con artists should know this much. Speaking of that, this enterprise did not come into power by people’s vote but rather through a vote of no-confidence, making them a textbook selected government. Shehbaz and Co traveled to London to meet with a man who is not only not elected but rather is a convicted felon on sick leave to escape jail time. It is these facts that ensure that the people would have no confidence in the system.

People are poorer today than they were last month. That is not known to have ever generated confidence in the country and government. Even the coalition government that came through a vote that had the C word in it, does not get the C vibes, if you will, from any corner of this country. The con artists must set up shop somewhere else.

Published in The Express Tribune, May 19^th, 2022.

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