We'd never had a Christmas tree - it made them so happy: British-Muslim foster parents
The girls can now sing Bollywood songs and speak Urdu as well
Sajjad and Riffat at home PHOTO: THE OBSERVER
The British fostering system is responsible for as many as 100,000 children each year.
As reported by The Guardian, the system has seen an increase in cases of children who are refugees from Muslim-majority countries- many of whom are suffering from various degrees of trauma.“We estimate there is a shortage of 8,000 foster carers,” says Kevin Williams, chief executive of the Fostering Network, “and there is a particular shortage of Muslim foster carers.”
Three stories of such foster carers highlight how the foster system can change lives.
Sajjad and Riffat
Two months after being approved as foster carers, Riffat and Sajjad got a call informing them of three siblings, a boy and two girls, who were in urgent need of care and had been assigned to them.“We were excited, but I was also a bit nervous,” recalls Sajjad, 50.
Both are observant Muslims who have roots in Pakistan. They found it a challenge to interact with three children who had grown up in a white, Christian household.
"I will never forget that day,” recalls Riffat, who moved to Britain after her wedding in 1997. “It really was like being thrown in the deep end.”
As it was shortly before Christmas, Sajjad went shopping shortly after putting the kids to bed on their first night. “We are Muslims and we’d never had a Christmas tree in our home,” says Riffat. “But these children were Christian and we wanted them to feel connected to their culture.”
Sajjad and Riffat stayed awake all night decorating the Christmas tree and prepared the presents he had bought. The children were very pleased to see the tree when they awoke. “I had never seen that kind of extra happiness and excitement on a child’s face,” recalls Riffat.
"We have learned so much about English culture and religion,” Sajjad adds. Riffat would read Bible stories to the children took the girls to church on Sundays. “When I read about Christianity, I don’t think there is much difference,” she says. “It all comes from God.”
The girls, 15 and 12, also introduced Riffat and Sajjad to teenage pop culture such as going to after- school ballet classes and concerts. “I wouldn’t see many Asian parents at those places,” Riffat says. “But I now tell my extended family you should involve your children in these activities because it is good for their confidence.” Watching the girls grow up also allowed her to consider her own life in a new light. “I had never spent even an hour outside my home without my siblings or parents until my wedding day,” she says.
The foster parents also exposed the children to their own cultural influences. “I’ve taught them how to make potato curry, pakoras and samosas,” Riffat says. “But their spice levels are not quite the same as ours yet.” The girls can now sing Bollywood songs and speak Urdu as well.
“I now look forward to going home. I have two girls and my wife waiting,” says Sajjad. “It’s been such a blessing for me,” adds Riffat. “It fulfilled the maternal gap.”
Sunny Leone will tell her daughter she’s adopted
Shareen
Shareen, a British Pakistani, began fostering three years ago and has cared for children from a range of backgrounds. Along with her husband Asif, she has cared for children from Syria, Egypt and Pakistan among other places.
She's still overwhelemed when she thinks of the case files some of the children came with.“I just could not believe that there could be children so deprived of love,” she says. “I was exposed to so much pain.”
A 12 year old she fostered stands out. Diagnosed with ADHD, he had restless nights. “He would break the lightbulbs and chuck them in the neighbours’ garden. Whatever he could find in the room he would open up and unscrew and he would not come home at curfew time,” she recalls. “I would have to call the police every evening.”
“You have to look at the person’s history,” she says, elaborating on the strategies for connecting with a new child. “No child is born to take drugs or join a gang. It has happened because nobody has cared for them.” The boy ended up staying with Shareen for eight months after she managed to find a way to communicate with him.
She adds that fostering Pakistani children has had it's advantages. “Two Pakistani children fitted right into the house because they understood our culture; we ate the same food and shared the same language, but when I had white children and I was out with them, people gave me funny looks.”
Fostering has helped her gain confidence as well, states Shareen. “I used to worry about who was doing better than me or earning more money,” she says. “But after meeting these children, those things just don’t matter to me anymore.”
Muslim denied job in Delhi as hijab made her 'look Muslim from distance of a kilometre'
Homayun and Parvin
Homayun, an Afghan immigrant who had moved to the UK in 1979, had been driven to become a foster parent after watching footage of a child refugee washing ashore on a Turkish beach two years ago. “I thought to myself that we had done well in this society. We had been educated, got jobs and we also had a spare room. It was time we paid something back to society.”
He and his wife, Parveen, became foster parents after a process whch took about a year. We would have welcomed children from anywhere, including Britain,” says Homayun, “but I was especially interested in caring for children from war-torn countries because that was the experience I had been through.” The couple soon welcomed two boys, from Afghanistan and Kuwait.
“My father was an activist and he was under house arrest,” Humayun says. “We fled to Britain a few months before the Russians invaded the country. I know what it is like to live in a country that doesn’t have freedom, human rights and a right to education – I had that in common with the boys we were fostering.”
Both the boys had been smuggled into the country, and were very quiet initially.“They would not speak and it took a few months to bring them out of themselves and get them to open up.” The boys had to rely on Google Translate to communicate initially. “It was very challenging and difficult at first,” says Homayun. “But now the younger boy goes to school on his own, and uses public transport.”
“If they can leave my house and go and achieve something in their lives,” says Homayun, “something that they could not have done in their own countries, that would be a satisfying job done.
As reported by The Guardian, the system has seen an increase in cases of children who are refugees from Muslim-majority countries- many of whom are suffering from various degrees of trauma.“We estimate there is a shortage of 8,000 foster carers,” says Kevin Williams, chief executive of the Fostering Network, “and there is a particular shortage of Muslim foster carers.”
Three stories of such foster carers highlight how the foster system can change lives.
Sajjad and Riffat
Two months after being approved as foster carers, Riffat and Sajjad got a call informing them of three siblings, a boy and two girls, who were in urgent need of care and had been assigned to them.“We were excited, but I was also a bit nervous,” recalls Sajjad, 50.
Both are observant Muslims who have roots in Pakistan. They found it a challenge to interact with three children who had grown up in a white, Christian household.
"I will never forget that day,” recalls Riffat, who moved to Britain after her wedding in 1997. “It really was like being thrown in the deep end.”
As it was shortly before Christmas, Sajjad went shopping shortly after putting the kids to bed on their first night. “We are Muslims and we’d never had a Christmas tree in our home,” says Riffat. “But these children were Christian and we wanted them to feel connected to their culture.”
Sajjad and Riffat stayed awake all night decorating the Christmas tree and prepared the presents he had bought. The children were very pleased to see the tree when they awoke. “I had never seen that kind of extra happiness and excitement on a child’s face,” recalls Riffat.
"We have learned so much about English culture and religion,” Sajjad adds. Riffat would read Bible stories to the children took the girls to church on Sundays. “When I read about Christianity, I don’t think there is much difference,” she says. “It all comes from God.”
The girls, 15 and 12, also introduced Riffat and Sajjad to teenage pop culture such as going to after- school ballet classes and concerts. “I wouldn’t see many Asian parents at those places,” Riffat says. “But I now tell my extended family you should involve your children in these activities because it is good for their confidence.” Watching the girls grow up also allowed her to consider her own life in a new light. “I had never spent even an hour outside my home without my siblings or parents until my wedding day,” she says.
The foster parents also exposed the children to their own cultural influences. “I’ve taught them how to make potato curry, pakoras and samosas,” Riffat says. “But their spice levels are not quite the same as ours yet.” The girls can now sing Bollywood songs and speak Urdu as well.
“I now look forward to going home. I have two girls and my wife waiting,” says Sajjad. “It’s been such a blessing for me,” adds Riffat. “It fulfilled the maternal gap.”
Sunny Leone will tell her daughter she’s adopted
Shareen
Shareen, a British Pakistani, began fostering three years ago and has cared for children from a range of backgrounds. Along with her husband Asif, she has cared for children from Syria, Egypt and Pakistan among other places.
She's still overwhelemed when she thinks of the case files some of the children came with.“I just could not believe that there could be children so deprived of love,” she says. “I was exposed to so much pain.”
A 12 year old she fostered stands out. Diagnosed with ADHD, he had restless nights. “He would break the lightbulbs and chuck them in the neighbours’ garden. Whatever he could find in the room he would open up and unscrew and he would not come home at curfew time,” she recalls. “I would have to call the police every evening.”
“You have to look at the person’s history,” she says, elaborating on the strategies for connecting with a new child. “No child is born to take drugs or join a gang. It has happened because nobody has cared for them.” The boy ended up staying with Shareen for eight months after she managed to find a way to communicate with him.
She adds that fostering Pakistani children has had it's advantages. “Two Pakistani children fitted right into the house because they understood our culture; we ate the same food and shared the same language, but when I had white children and I was out with them, people gave me funny looks.”
Fostering has helped her gain confidence as well, states Shareen. “I used to worry about who was doing better than me or earning more money,” she says. “But after meeting these children, those things just don’t matter to me anymore.”
Muslim denied job in Delhi as hijab made her 'look Muslim from distance of a kilometre'
Homayun and Parvin
Homayun, an Afghan immigrant who had moved to the UK in 1979, had been driven to become a foster parent after watching footage of a child refugee washing ashore on a Turkish beach two years ago. “I thought to myself that we had done well in this society. We had been educated, got jobs and we also had a spare room. It was time we paid something back to society.”
He and his wife, Parveen, became foster parents after a process whch took about a year. We would have welcomed children from anywhere, including Britain,” says Homayun, “but I was especially interested in caring for children from war-torn countries because that was the experience I had been through.” The couple soon welcomed two boys, from Afghanistan and Kuwait.
“My father was an activist and he was under house arrest,” Humayun says. “We fled to Britain a few months before the Russians invaded the country. I know what it is like to live in a country that doesn’t have freedom, human rights and a right to education – I had that in common with the boys we were fostering.”
Both the boys had been smuggled into the country, and were very quiet initially.“They would not speak and it took a few months to bring them out of themselves and get them to open up.” The boys had to rely on Google Translate to communicate initially. “It was very challenging and difficult at first,” says Homayun. “But now the younger boy goes to school on his own, and uses public transport.”
“If they can leave my house and go and achieve something in their lives,” says Homayun, “something that they could not have done in their own countries, that would be a satisfying job done.