Ask Asad: I spend my day as normal person but depression hits me at home. What should I do?

I start crying at the stupidest of things because of my condition

Dear Asad,

I have been suffering from an odd type of depression. I know I have it but the symptoms are not similar to that of a normal depression.

I would describe myself as a person who keeps on smiling and laughing, not even radiating any kind of sadness or misery. I usually spend my day as a normal person but once I am back at home, I start crying at the stupidest of things because of depression.

At times, stress about studies does not even let me sleep at nights to the extent that I have to force myself to cry and tire my eyes so that I can fall asleep. 



I ignore the things people do to upset me and laugh along with them but inside it actually kills me. The very next day, however, I happily forget about the events of the last night and prepare for my school again. But when I am home, I prepare myself to face the anxiety and depression all over again.

This condition has affected my life a lot and I do not feel like a normal person at times. I have spoken about my condition with quite a few people but no one has been able to help me.

An unhappy girl

 

Dear unhappy girl,

I wish you had written more in detail about your life at home and at school, your relationship with your family and people at school, the atmosphere at home and at school, etc. as your depression is strongest when you return home from school. From your letter, I think you get depressed because of the following reasons: the stress of studies, returning home from school and people who upset you. This means there is a strong possibility that something or someone at home or school depresses you. It would have been helpful if you had mentioned who the people are who upset you. Are they at home or at school?

Many depressed people act or live a life the way you are living. They appear happy but deep inside they are in turmoil. It is normal for someone suffering from depression to feel that no one around you can truly understand what you are going through; that feeling alone can worsen the underlying depression.

Your crying to tire yourself to sleep is a classic symptom of depression. A depressed person might have bouts of crying for no obvious reason. Depression can be marked by exhaustion at the end of the day, which leads to a deep sleep that, despite often being quite long, is not restful.



Depression is a serious mental illness – and should be treated as such – that causes a persistent feeling of sadness. In most cases, people have no specific reason for their depression. Many believe it to be a temporary condition, which can be fixed. While you can live with this condition un-medicated, there's no such thing as "beating depression". It's a matter of managing it and living successfully despite it.

Consult with a Doctor
Self-diagnosing a series illness like depression is not safe since depression has serious side effects like angry outbursts, suicidal thoughts, and social isolation. You should see a mental health professional for a diagnosis. Only after a thorough evaluation with a psychiatrist or psychologist can you be diagnosed with depression. Many illnesses and medications may also contribute to depressive feelings. Therefore, your doctor will administer a variety of tests, conduct a physical examination, and an interview to get to the bottom of your symptoms.

Talk to a therapist
A therapist will be able to help you work through the issues you are going through. He or she can also educate you about your depression. If you do not like the idea of traditional therapy, look into unique variations of it. Animals, art, drama or psychodrama, and music therapy all work by combining the talk-based therapy of a counsellor with an activity-based approach to help you overcome your depression.

Identify the triggers
If you can figure out a pattern for your depression or pin down what triggers it, you can start looking for a solution. For example, if you always seem to get depressed when you go home, then look for an activity you enjoy that you can do as soon as you reach home to distract you from the depression you feel. If you notice certain things that trigger it, try to avoid them or set yourself up with support to help cope with what is unavoidable. 

Focus on your health
Poor health can lead to increased depression and less happiness or well-being overall. Look at your overall health and evaluate yourself honestly. Identify possible health-related links to your depression. For example, depression can cause fatigue, decreases or increases in sleep and significant changes in weight.



 

Exercise regularly
Exercise releases endorphins in your brain which can give you a significant mood boost. Additionally, exercise is an effective treatment for reducing depression over time. Aim for raising your heartbeat to 120-160 beats per minute for around 30 minutes a day.

Eat healthy
Not only does junk food make you feel sluggish and lethargic; it can contribute to your depression. Eat healthy foods to positive changes in mood. Omega-3 fatty acids have been found to correlate to reducing depression symptoms, so eat foods such as salmon, sardines, lake trout, walnuts, flax seeds, and olive oil etc. at least twice or thrice a week. Avoid processed foods. These are responsible for weighing your body down and reducing your energy. Instead, go for grains, vegetables, and fruits, which help to increase your energy.

Go outside
The vitamin-D you get from sunlight has been shown to help reduce depression. Spend thirty minutes a day in the sun (sans sunglasses) and soak in the vitamin-D goodness that it has to offer. Take in your sunlight in a local park to combine the best that sunlight has to offer with the beauty of nature. Being outside near living, growing things can help invigorate the senses and give you more energy and focus.

Meet positive people
Social support is crucial to getting out of a depression and can help you cope with stressful life events. Support from others can also help reduce negative thoughts that lead to depression. Find those people in your life who make a positive impact on your daily functioning. These are the people you want to spend your time with.

Compliment yourself
Positive self-talk helps reduce depression and increase a sense of well-being. Make a list of your 10 favourite physical traits and 10 favourite personality traits. For instance, you may like the colour of your eyes and the fact that you are a compassionate person. Post this somewhere you can see it on a daily basis.  



Pick up an old hobby
A common symptom of depression is a lack of desire to do things in which you once found enjoyment. If you used to love reading, playing sports, or painting, do those things again regularly. If you find that continuing old hobbies is not feasible, pick up a new one. Start doing these hobbies whenever you have time. At first, they may feel boring or unimportant, but over time they will become enjoyable again and you will look forward to the times when you get a chance to partake.

Practice mindful meditation
Studies suggest that mindful meditation can benefit those experiencing depression and anxiety. Its practice can help you begin to train your mind to recognise negative and unproductive thoughts and not accept them as truth. During mindful meditation, find a comfortable, seated position and focus on your breathing. As you sit and breathe, try to bring your focus to the present moment, acknowledging worries or negative thoughts but recognising them as just that: thoughts, not truths. Meditation takes time and practice. Try to be patient and remember this can be an enormously effective treatment if you stick to it.

Take care of a living thing
Studies have shown that people who are responsible for caring for a living thing – a plant or pet – recover much faster from depression than people who do not. Start a small garden, buy a pretty potted plant, or get a low-maintenance goldfish and take care of it. Having a small life to be responsible for will give you something to work towards and give you more reason to be productive during the day.

Volunteer your time
Helping others can be a strong predictor of well-being and a positive identity. Look into local organisations that need volunteers and spend your time working for them. Being a volunteer will give you the initiative to do things outside your home, make you feel needed, and give you more of a chance to socialise.

Write a journal
Starting a journal can help you reflect on your depression and feelings and monitor your sensations throughout the day. Make a goal of writing in your journal at least once a day, preferably in the evenings, when you can wrap up whatever the day brought you. Writing in a journal can make you feel more in touch with your thoughts, less alone, and more aware of the things that make you happy or unhappy.



Improve your appearance
Neglecting personal hygiene is a common side effect of depression. While you will not beat your depression by transforming your looks, if you take time to maintain your appearance and hygiene every day, you will feel better about yourself.

Work on looking presentable when you face the world, no matter how awful you feel. This will improve your confidence and self-worth.

Remember your recovery from depression will not be immediate. Think about feeling just a little better today, and how you can make that happen.

 

Take care 

Asad

Asad is a counsellor, life coach, inspirational speaker and a personal-development expert. He advises on social, personal and emotional issues. You can send him your questions for this weekly column at [e-mail] with “Ask Asad” mentioned in the subject line and provide as many details as possible.

Note: The opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of The Express Tribune.