Pakistan belongs to Imran Khan

The day urban dwelling Pakistani teenagers have waited for more than their own prom is finally here: Imran Khan has won Pakistan. This is bigger than the 1992 World Cup victory, so much so that it makes up for Pakistan losing the 1999 World Cup final but not the 1996 World Cup quarter-final because nobody will ever forgive Aamir Sohail for that. That act by Aamir Sohail was the most arrogant thing done by a cricketer till Imran Khan declared he would clean sweep the elections.



Unlike Aamir Sohail’s prediction, Imran Khan’s prophecy has actually come true. November 2 will always be remembered as the day Imran Khan finally became the Prime Minister of Pakistan.

What does the Prime Minister do but lie to a nation and pretend every defeat is secretly a victory? All a Pakistani Prime Minister has ever done is promise a lot and deliver nothing. Imran Khan has finally joined the list of our Kings of Nothing and marched to the parade ground in his new Emperor’s clothes, in front of millions of people.

With gusto and raised fists, Imran snickered at the crowd, proud of himself for pulling out the troll of the season. It is a surprise Ashton Kutcher did not jump on to the stage and shout ‘PUNKED’ at trillions of people.

If you had the audio up, you could almost hear Imran Khan whisper to Sheikh Rasheed, “I can’t believe they fell for the same thing again.” Rasheed smiled and nodded back, “At least I got a viral video out of it.”

The billions of people gathered at the PTI rally cheered on their supreme leader. If every Pakistani is equal to a hundred Indians then there were at least one hundred million people at the rally. Islamabadis stayed up after 9:00pm just for the rally that might be PTI’s biggest achievement to date.

I wish I was one of the gazillion people gathered at the parade ground so I could see my Kim Jong Imran live. If he can do push-ups at the age of 65, I am sure he can single handedly block any nuclear bomb directed at Pakistan. He is not Imran Khan, he is Super Khan. He might not be the chaiwala we deserve but he is the chaiwala we need to defeat India’s chaiwala, Narendra Modi.



Super Khan is the only person who cannot lie to his people, who throws a party open to everyone every time he is bored, who ensures everybody comes over to his house for a party and then serves no ice cream. He knew there was no point in him coming out of the house and being arrested because that would have meant suffering and who wants to suffer when you can have fun at home?

If I had built a fortress of solitude in the mountains, I wouldn’t get out much myself. The only problem is every PTI supporter now knows how to break in to Bani Gala but obviously Imran Khan will never disappoint his supporters and deliver every promise so he has nothing to fear from them.

Nelson Mandela got arrested for his cause, Fidel Castro fought a revolutionary war, Imran Khan did a push up – he will forever be remembered as one of the greatest leaders of all time. If a man can win a World Cup with a Pakistani cricket team then he can do anything. I cannot wait for Misbah-ul-Haq to become President in 2018.

Imran Khan has basically won Pakistan; if Hamza Ali Abbasi with all his intellectual prowess supports him then there can be no logical reason to be against Super Khan. Hamza Ali Abbasi is the man photoshopped as Superman, so who better to know about superheroes than him?

Imran Khan has stood against corruption like he stood against everybody who said Imran please don’t marry a second time, like he stood against everybody who said Imran please don’t drag the dharna for a hundred days, like he stood against everybody who said Imran please don’t alienate Javed Hashmi, like he stood against everything Imran Khan believed in before he entered politics. Where is that guy who said, “Mai Sheikh Rasheed ko apna chaprasee bhi na rakho?” Clearly, he is not becoming the new Prime Minister of Pakistan.

I am a Pakistani, and Pakistan belongs to Imran Khan. His name even rhymes with the name of the country. I will always remember the day Imran Khan won Pakistan and I have written a completely original poem to celebrate the occasion:



Remember, remember, the second of November,

The dharna, treason and plot.

I know of no reason,

Why the Dharna treason,

Should ever be forgot!

Imran Khan and his companions

Did the scheme contrive,

To blow the Sharifs and PML-N,

All up alive.

One bottle, and sugar below,

To prove Panama papers overthrow.

But, by Angel’s providence, Nawaz they catch,

With a Supreme judgment, lighting a match.

Holla, boys! Holloa, boys, make the bells ring,

Holla, boys! Holloa boys! God save the King,

Hip, hip, hoor-r-r-ayyy.

 

The article is a work of satire and fiction.