Thank you, Qandeel
Qandeel offended the sensitivities of men who believed in oft-lived double life of craving her while condemning her
The contributor is a freelance writer based in Islamabad. She blogs at www.aishasarwari.wordpress.com. She can be followed on Twitter @AishaFsarwari
I feel the same way about Pakistani society failing its women as I feel about landmines — someone is bound to get maimed pretty regularly. When Qandeel Baloch was drugged and strangled by her brother, I was abroad. What is worse than Pakistan failing its women is receiving the news when you are on another continent. The distance adds to the misery. I could have held up a protest banner that echoes her #OneWomanArmy slogan. I could have signed a petition. To me, she was a feminist, not just a social media sensation.
In her death, Qandeel Baloch did just as much as she did alive. The opposite of death is vitality and she was so full of it. She was blunt, she let out husky noises and most of all, she offended the sensitivities of men who believed in the oft-lived double life of craving her while condemning her — fully comfortable in the realm of cognitive dissonance. I know many men who believed that their religious sensitivities were insulted by Qandeel. I also know many women who felt unnerved and threatened by her. Men can continue to wallow in their hypocrisy, it’s the women’s reaction that greatly disappoints me. One particular woman I am acquainted with went ahead and voice the words “good riddance” about Qandeel’s murder. She probably forgot that no one with a beating heart should be strangled to death with the violence that perhaps even barbarians don’t deserve. Qandeel was just up to some mischief.
This is the one thing women are not allowed to do. It is only reserved for men. As women condemn Qandeel, they also don’t recall that she is the one who brought forward a platform for them that, in fact, grants them additional precious space to be themselves. In a body-shaming culture, women are now freer to be who they are because of Qandeel. In a body-hiding culture, women can expose slightly more than their eyelashes. In a culture that believes women are an afterthought, they can now occupy slightly more room than just the vanilla background. In a place where women’s voices are reserved for funerals, they can be more mainstream. Where everything boring was associated for women, there is now this obscure thing called ‘fun’. Or there was fun, until she was honour-killed. Around 500 or so women met this fate this year alone. This is a number that can fill an auditorium. Some men who feel that their honour hinges upon women’s behaviour have no problem taking the lives of women. It is time that we cut the link between women’s actions and men’s dignity. As alien as this concept is, it is the only way forward — unless we want the war against women to continue unabated.
To the women who were threatened by Qandeel and feel she was no feminist icon, I ask: are they better off now? Now that a woman with a social media presence that spread into the millions has been murdered, they, rest assured, aren’t safe either. In fact, ordinary women are more accessible to their killers. Now that a woman who wore her sexuality on her sleeve was choked to death, they better adopt the culture of permission-seeking (from their male guardian) as a standard procedure. Qandeel was only buying them their own freedom. That kind of courage only comes from deep cuts. Qandeel was married off at 17 to a man who in her own words treated her like an animal. When she tried to escape her fate, her family did not support her. Somehow, in what is not short of a miracle, she liberated herself, literally and figuratively. Financially too. In her liberation, she exposed the hypocrisy and rot in our society. In her death, she helped us discover that there are some women whose morality allows them to cross many religio-cultural boundaries and also justify them, yet on the other hand, they condemn Qandeel for things that they themselves are guilty — a case of pot calling the kettle black. In her quest to do a striptease for our cricket team had it won a match against India, Qandeel was really telling the world that she has thrown away the ownership of any man over her. Her freedom dance was premature.
Rest in peace, Qandeel. I have come back to a country that is reeling in confusion. I have come back to a country that is also now questioning its slippery laws and its lopsided victim-blaming tilts. It’s reviewing whether it is okay for murderers to get off the hook, thanks to a pardon. For that small victory in dark times, we only have Qandeel to thank.
Published in The Express Tribune, July 29th, 2016.
This is the one thing women are not allowed to do. It is only reserved for men. As women condemn Qandeel, they also don’t recall that she is the one who brought forward a platform for them that, in fact, grants them additional precious space to be themselves. In a body-shaming culture, women are now freer to be who they are because of Qandeel. In a body-hiding culture, women can expose slightly more than their eyelashes. In a culture that believes women are an afterthought, they can now occupy slightly more room than just the vanilla background. In a place where women’s voices are reserved for funerals, they can be more mainstream. Where everything boring was associated for women, there is now this obscure thing called ‘fun’. Or there was fun, until she was honour-killed. Around 500 or so women met this fate this year alone. This is a number that can fill an auditorium. Some men who feel that their honour hinges upon women’s behaviour have no problem taking the lives of women. It is time that we cut the link between women’s actions and men’s dignity. As alien as this concept is, it is the only way forward — unless we want the war against women to continue unabated.
To the women who were threatened by Qandeel and feel she was no feminist icon, I ask: are they better off now? Now that a woman with a social media presence that spread into the millions has been murdered, they, rest assured, aren’t safe either. In fact, ordinary women are more accessible to their killers. Now that a woman who wore her sexuality on her sleeve was choked to death, they better adopt the culture of permission-seeking (from their male guardian) as a standard procedure. Qandeel was only buying them their own freedom. That kind of courage only comes from deep cuts. Qandeel was married off at 17 to a man who in her own words treated her like an animal. When she tried to escape her fate, her family did not support her. Somehow, in what is not short of a miracle, she liberated herself, literally and figuratively. Financially too. In her liberation, she exposed the hypocrisy and rot in our society. In her death, she helped us discover that there are some women whose morality allows them to cross many religio-cultural boundaries and also justify them, yet on the other hand, they condemn Qandeel for things that they themselves are guilty — a case of pot calling the kettle black. In her quest to do a striptease for our cricket team had it won a match against India, Qandeel was really telling the world that she has thrown away the ownership of any man over her. Her freedom dance was premature.
Rest in peace, Qandeel. I have come back to a country that is reeling in confusion. I have come back to a country that is also now questioning its slippery laws and its lopsided victim-blaming tilts. It’s reviewing whether it is okay for murderers to get off the hook, thanks to a pardon. For that small victory in dark times, we only have Qandeel to thank.
Published in The Express Tribune, July 29th, 2016.