Father’s day: Courage or convenience?

For education, can we as fathers, honestly say our investment of time, resources is equal for sons & daughters?

Today, I want to speak to my own fraternity, the club of fathers. As the world, and many amongst us recognised the contributions and love of our fathers over the weekend, I could not help but think whether we have really lived up to the high standards of fatherhood. Indeed, there are many who have had an exemplary role in the upbringing of their sons, and more importantly their daughters, but today let’s be honest with ourselves. There is no doubt that many have fought battles against the norms at home, and at times at a more prominent level, like those of Ziauddin Yousufzai, but collectively, we have not delivered. We have not lived up to where we ought to be, and in two areas that are close to my heart, of education and health, our inability to stand up for what is right has caused the nation dearly. And since the members of my fraternity have ensured that all decision-making is solely the domain of our gender, our reform must come from within.

When it comes to education, can we as fathers, honestly say that our investment of time and resources is equal for our sons and daughters? In terms of our priorities, we choose schooling and careers for our sons, whereas our top priority for our daughters remains finding the right suitor. The sooner the better! Do we really want our daughters to be the drivers of social change, the beacons of societal justice and the flag-bearers of innovation? Or is that reserved for those with a Y chromosome? Do we provide the same mentorship to our daughters for career growth as we dispense freely to our sons? Do we have a same standard of success for both of them? Those of us who go to scientific conferences in Pakistan are both delighted and saddened at the same time. The bulk of the audience, the most curious and thoughtful happen to be female, yet among the speakers and the ‘dignitaries’, the groups are almost exclusively men. In higher education at the national level, the majority of our incoming medical students are female, yet the upper administration and decision-makers at majority of our medical institutions are all male. Consistently, our girls outperform boys in higher education, yet nearly all leaders at our universities are men. We can blame society all we want, but in the end, we are the society.



There is another, and perhaps, a darker side to our biases as well. In a society where misogyny is preached on national TV, happens to make bulk of our comedy on TV and in print, and is widely accepted as part of our heritage, our fatherhood falls well short of training our sons. How often do we take time to instill the virtues of respect, equality and understanding everyone, regardless of gender, or do we willingly or unwillingly instill a sense of superiority, authority or exclusive decision-making in them? Can we look in the mirror and be honest with ourselves this father’s day?

Our two biggest barriers to development, education and health, would be a lot more manageable if, we the fathers, were to carry our due burden. The issue of maternal and child health is neither a feminist issue nor a gender issue. It is a health issue, a collective responsibility of all of us, which requires us to stand up against the status quo. It should be our responsibility, our charge, to ensure that our sons and daughters have access to the same quality of healthcare and that we stand up for equality, justice and fairness in providing basic medical services to all those who need it. Yet, not only do we falter, time and again, but we also refuse to accept this as our responsibility.

Indeed many of the fathers in our society continue to push the boundaries and embrace fairness but most do not. In the comfort of our homes, where we rule, we choose convenience of norms over the dignity of courage.

This father’s day, let us choose courage over convenience.

Published in The Express Tribune, June 23^rd, 2015.

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