Movie review: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - crawling back into their shell

The latest addition to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise lets down the same heroes it claims to glorify.

Since their introduction as comic book characters in the 1980s, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles have become a pop culture phenomenon. Known for their ninjutsu skills and love for pizza, the wisecracking quartet have graced the big and small screens numerous times. Their latest cinematic outing, however, is one of their least entertaining.

The franchise reboot centres the origin story of the reptile vigilantes on the character of April O’Neil (Megan Fox), a television reporter tired of the fluff pieces she has to work on and eager to take charge of more important assignments. In an attempt to break an actual news story, April pursues a gang called the Foot Clan, led by the evil mastermind Shredder (Tohoru Masamune), which has been terrorising the city. Along the way, she stumbles upon four masked figures, who eventually turn out to be the titular heroes, fighting off the bad guys. Neither her cameraman (Will Arnett) nor her boss (Whoopi Goldberg) pay any heed to her seemingly ludicrous claims, but April keeps investigating, ultimately developing a friendship with the four brothers — dorky Donatello (Jeremy Howard), goofy Michelangelo (Noel Fisher), authoritative Leonardo (Johnny Knoxville), and rebellious Raphael (Alan Ritchson) — and their mutant rat mentor, Splinter (Tony Shalhoub). But as she discovers the Turtles’ connection to her own past, she also learns the truth about her late father’s former lab partner, Eric Sacks (William Fichtner), while becoming instrumental in defeating the Foot Clan and thwarting Shredder.

Director Jonathan Liebesman has taken a page from producer Michael Bay’s playbook to create this special effects-heavy installment that is as hollow as it is predictable. The movie doesn’t choose to be dark (like Christopher Nolan films), nor does it commit to being full-on fun à la Guardians of the Galaxy. Instead it twaddles aimlessly, unsure of its own tone — fighting begins and time slows down, and logic is defied at every turn. The CGI-generated Turtles and Splinter look creepy, while Shredder looks like he has escaped from a Transformers movie and is ready to saunter back into one.

Most of the characters lack definition, development and charm. With all the focus on Megan Fox’s character, the film turns into the April O’Neil show, almost making the Turtles feel like supporting characters in their own movie. Will Arnett seems out of place, Whoopi Goldberg is wasted in a role that barely matters and Megan Fox is, well, Megan Fox.

Ultimately, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles isn’t unbearably awful, but it isn’t special either. This is a by-the-numbers action film that tries to cash in on a popular franchise and ends up suffering from inconsistency, cringe worthy product placement, a shallow script, and a near-terminal CGI overdose.

Unlikely heroes save the day

1. Godzilla



In the latest addition to the Godzilla franchise, Godzilla saves the day after two MUTO (Massive Unidentified Terrestrial Organism) emerge from the ruins of a nuclear power plant and begin to wreak havoc on the planet.

It is a must-watch battle of the beasts.

2.  X-men: Days of Future Past



This X-Men sequel delves into the unpredictable world of time travel as Wolverine is sent to undo events that threaten the existence of humans and mutants. He must stop the assassination of the military scientist who created the robots responsible for this chaos.

3.  Dawn of the Planet of the Apes



When disease plagues the planet, the only survivors are humans and apes. But interference from traitors in their midst takes them to the doorstep of war. Who will dominate in this fight for territory and safety and can these two species find a way to coexist?

Rating: 2/5

Sameen Amer is a Lahore-based freelance writer and critic. She tweets @Sameen. 

Published in The Express Tribune, Sunday Magazine, September 21^st, 2014.