The writer is a freelance writer and translator
Prospective parents looking to adopt a child are vetted in a notoriously rigorous manner. Their ages, health, social reputation and financial standing are thoroughly investigated before they receive a child. But this initial investigation is only the beginning.
Imagine the agony an adopting couple has to suffer through.
Should their child be told that he or she is adopted? Islam advises parents to tell the child very soon, which is a good idea in most cases. The premise here is that every human being has a right to know about his or her past. A young child is quicker to accept the information compared with an older one. It may come as a great shock for an adult to discover that he or she was adopted, especially after a lifetime of assuming otherwise.
It is often an outsider who is aware of the adoption and has no qualms about crushing everyone else in the stampede to be the ‘first to tell’, who tells the child. Usually this person is responsible for the child being given this information in an inappropriate manner. There are such people in every society. Sometimes the child finds out not as a deliberate act on someone’s part, but because that someone may have spoken of the matter in front of their child and that child blurts it out as children do. It is impossible to contain the information genie (something that our Ministry of Information and Technology would do well to remember).
When and how should a child be given such information? And above all, what should he be told so that his trauma is minimised?
Family and friends of adoptive parents should be taken into confidence selectively, only so that the circumstances of adoption are not insensitively revealed to the child. Such information should be revealed carefully, after careful deliberation and at the right time.
“This is a beautiful girl who was thrown on a pile of garbage by somebody”, cooed the presenter of a show, displaying a baby in his arms to the camera before adding, “See how pretty and innocent she is?”
I wonder if he realised that in addition to be being pretty and innocent, she was also a human being, with a life purpose beyond the presenter’s personal ratings on television. Surely, there is something distinctly sick about such ruthlessness.
The adoptive parents’ identity was not hidden from the public. It is easy to imagine a day in the future when this innocent, unwary child is taunted at school by other children in ways that I cannot bear to mention here. A brilliant way to find out, isn’t it?
The suppression of discussion about such incidents only allows such acts to proliferate. Pakistan, with its mind-boggling population, should learn to encourage adoption and also be more sensitive towards the problems inherent in the process — to protect adopted children in this society.
Published in The Express Tribune, August 5th, 2013.
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The scariest thing about this article, its comments section and newspaper policy is the outright vindictiveness shown in censoring the majority of thoughtful comments. This kind of attack on freedom of speech by a newspaper is frightening.
What else should we expect from a phony scholar with a phony degree? It is only in Pakistan that even after he was exposed in videos this guy keeps going about Islam. No wonder we are continuously spiraling downwards. However, there are facts that we cannot ignore about adoption. Of course it is the most private and personal matter that touches many lives and can make or break the kid’s future. Sad to say adoption is not commonly practiced in Pakistan and Muslim world. In particular the adopted child is usually not given inheritance especially if the couple has their own children. Many believe adoption is not allowed especially given the child adopted parent’s last name. I am all for adoption in every sense of the word. However, it should be a private affair and not cheap publicity at the expense of child’s future. Most importantly we should be brave enough to love the adopted kid as much as our own biological kid and leave equal inheritance for the adopted kid. In short like the West the adopted kid should have equal rights and not discriminated.
Madam, really that's what I was thinking when I came to know about the show and this practice exercised for cheap popularity by Aamir Liaqat, self declared religious scholar. How would the children feel when they grow up with the passage of time and remember Google, you tube, Facebook, blogger, etc never forgets these days,. The top management of Geo TV is also equally responsible for the traumatic upcoming challenges waiting these humans
An excellent piece that addresses some of the ethical issues surrounding this truly appalling but apparently condoned, practice. The management of confidentiality is always carefully handled - for obvious reasons. As an ex-social-worker who has handled adoptions in the UK and with 2 adopted (guardianship) children in Pakistan this entire episode is profoundly depressing at any number of levels.