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Friday, 03 Sep 2010
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Born by accident
The writer is a former morning show host (naveen.naqvi@tribune.com.pk )
My doctor tells me that most Pakistani children are born by accident. As she put it, at the time of conception, there are no goals or aspirations to educate, no idea what kind of human being the couple might want to mould. And the act that creates new life comes with even less thought. For a man, the act is borne out of his urge to satisfy his desire for sex. A woman, however, complies out of obligation. Frequently, the man does not want to use contraceptives because it curbs his pleasure, or siring a child is evidence of his virility. Other times, it is the woman who wants to procreate because it keeps her useful; after all, bearing and rearing children is perceived to be her true purpose she must keep proving to her husband and her in-laws her fertility. We all know that none of these scenarios are limited to underprivileged households.
Whose fault is that? Not that of the ‘man’ and the ‘woman.’ According to a draft of the National Policy 2010 generated by the ministry of population and welfare, “what is striking about the recent few years is the recognition and realisation that family planning services have not kept up pace with the increased demand. The high unmet need for family planning services, the high levels of unwanted fertility and the large number of induced abortions to avoid having and rearing an unwanted child are reflection of this reality”.
An awareness campaign from the nineties comes to mind — do bachchay hi achhay. The impact of the use of such motivational media efforts cannot be emphasised enough. On my mother’s side of the family, the previous generation of her siblings birthed around six to eleven children. My generation, on the other hand, produced on average two to three, often quoting the catchphrase I mentioned above. Seeing a commercial is not the only reason, but it is an important one.
Why I bring this up now is because it is a core problem this country faces, more now than ever before. A few years ago, many middle-class Pakistanis would boast that no one in this country goes to bed on an empty stomach. I am sure it was not true then (we don’t call it ‘Denialistan’ for nothing!), but at present we can be completely certain that is a falsehood. Not only are there people sleeping hungry, they are starving. Entire families are killing themselves. Never before have I seen so many reports of suicide in the news. With unchecked population growth come innumerable other issues, just two of which are literacy and healthcare. Behind the issue of (il)literacy may lie part of the solution to what is projected as this country’s greatest problem: terror.
As I write this piece, I can see an article in the paper about a couple that has abandoned a baby at a hospital in Karachi. A couple of days ago, there was a news item on the bodies of two newborn babies found in garbage dumps of this metropolitan city of 18.5 million. The US Census Bureau predicts that in another 15 years there will be over 228 million people in this country. We can hope that Pakistan will be seeing better economic times by then. We can pray for it, but it does not seem likely. How will those people be fed, housed and cared for?
Published in The Express Tribune, July 22nd, 2010.
Reader Comments (48)
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controversial issue raised.. what i have seen is, its the mother in law who is the mail culprit of these “accidents”
Our people refuse to plan ahead while having children because they think it’s UnIslamic or some sort of conspiracy to “destroy” the Islamic population. The ones who dont practice family planning are the ones who claim that God will take care of their needs. There is nothing wrong with having babies but then if they planned properly they wouldnt be regretting it later. The more children they have, the more mouths they need to feed and there is always the probability that some of these kids dont end up getting an education.
mandatory vasectomy after 2 children . That should be the law and all our problems will disappear .
Naveen Naqvi surprised me – a tiny bit.
“A woman, however, complies out of obligation” is, at best, a misleading statement, through and through.
The author wants the world to believe that women are born without pressing physical needs and desires with respect to sexuality. While the author is welcome to speak for herself, this statement, as written, is too much of a broad brush to paint with every women of the society she is writing about. ‘Obligation,’ which is for both genders, is an extremely small component of the mix.
My eyes do not deceive me. One can go take up an observation post at any campus, any park and watch the hormones at work, for both genders. This is a statement of fact.
This doesn’t mean that those who don’t end up on campuses or in parks are somehow living with undeveloped, suppressed or mutated genes and do not have the same needs and desires as those on campuses and parks when it comes to jumpy hormones.
The fact is that women look forward to the sexual activity at least just as much, if not more. The only difference is that women’s desires come with a lot of baggage – emotional and physiological baggage. And, it is a good baggage to have and hold, mind you.
It is this baggage that balances the nature of differences between two genders. I will be terribly surprised if Ms. Naqvi doesn’t understand that either.
My guess is that Ms. Naqvi is still playing catchup with the feminists of 60′s and 70′s. What Ms. Naqvi describes in this articles may be new for few in the group she is focused on, but this is a long outdated view for many elsewhere because it has had a very short half-life.
Ms. Naqvi reminded me about a psychiatrist from Sind a few weeks ago who had agreed with the approach of using an exorcist to remove a jin, because, well, it helps since the family believes in ‘peers‘. In the process they set a young girl on fire. The jin ran away and the good doctor was exonerated.
In giving Ms. Naqvi benefit of the doubt, I guess she just started with a misplaced thought to discuss a policy issue that is only emotionally but remotely connected to the issue of procreation.
I don’t know Ms. Naqvi, except from the above and few other writings and I write these few line to refute only one thing – her theory of ‘obligation.’
All public service messages especially the health related ones were missing in entirety during the years 2000-2007. Thankfully, they have started again although I find it annoying when some friends of me, including doctors complained that it was “uncomfortable” to watch a cricket match that ran the advertisement of a condom. If being “uncomfortable” is far important than the fact that we have the highest fertility in the region, and one of the highest in the world as well (Bangladesh has magically reduced it half of ours in 20 years), then we can continue to have dozens of children per family and therefore making sure that none of them become healthy, wealthy or wise.
As per your article, “This is the core problem the country faces…”
Ummm .. NO – you are wrong. This is not the CORE problem. It is one of many problems and is way down the priority order of core problems in the form of extremism, frequent military interventions in political process, lack of power / energy which is suffocating our manufacturing base, pathetically low spend on education as percent of national GDP, law and order and then ‘population’ problem.
Remember India and Bangladesh have higher density of population than Pakistan. Bangladesh’s economy has been growing faster than Pakistan’s economy over the last decade and India’s economy and instituional stability is now the envy of the world.
Yes, population genie needs to be captured but this is the least of our problems..
I saw bilquis edhi on tv a little time back.
She revealed that thought they have more female children left at their doorstep,when couples come seeking a baby for adoption,she said sadly they always ask for a male child.
This is not only shocking but disturbing too;those that don’t have any child still they wouldn’t want to adopt a girl; only a boy would do!!
This desire to have a son is strongly etched in both the female & male genders; whatever may be the evils of the western society at least they are good in this respect: they treat the two genders equally & don’t consider girls as burdens or liabilities & the sons as assets for the parents.
If they can’t plan for 10, how do u expect them to plan for 2? Rizk dainay wali zaat ALLAH Ki hai
Naveen as u mention that since nineties awareness campaign is ongoing in Pakistan through Media but there is a alot difference in the circumstances of Pakistan between nineties n twenty century bcz now whatever the role can play media or we expect to this boom boom industry, before cant even impossible, I think there is a only way to control n curtail the population is awareness program at every level n among different communities, if the Government initiate the grasping program in true spirit with the evade of media among the people it would be the better solution for this random increase of population.
@Dr. ALI, brother mother in law is not the culprit in even uneducated society, she share her ideas n I dont think so in this century mother in law demands to his son or daughter in law many children.
@Shoaib, dear too much difference between past n present I dont believe even in rural areas people think conspiracy or unIslamic attitude, its not Islamic phobia, its just lack of recognition.
The article raises a major issue which certainly needs to be addressed and I commend you Naveen for picking it up and speaking up boldly, but what conclusion the above quoted lines depict is beyond me…is it the doctor’s thought or yours?
Talk about over-doing victim mentality…
By this theory every (Pakistani) woman in the (physical) relationship is merely complying out of obligation…and has nothing in it for herself…?
What are we preaching here for cryin out loud…!?
What’s next? NGOs lead by Asma Jehangir rallying to protect helpless women from complying out of obligation in such ways…!?
Perhaps even Nature has schemed against and suppressed the rights of the ‘Pakistani woman’…!
Oh by the way…we are talking about straight women right…!? if not, my bad…I’m all for equal rights and freedom of expression…
“The writer is a former morning show host”. May I ask from where? The doctor tells her that most Pakistani children are born by accident. Who is her doctor, and what qualifies that person to make this statement? And what does she/he say about children born in countries other than Pakistan? Can she check with the doctor?
why are all comments except one from men (as their name suggest)…
Being a woman i agree with Imran J and Jaahil Awaam.
Naveen Naqvi has undermined the most intimate relationship between man and woman seem like a farce and obligation. I think this is not so, and perhaps i can say this on behalf of many women.
And i would like Mr Imran J to clarify what he means by emotional and physiological baggage?
My salutes to the commentators “Imran J.”…
I mean it sounds really funny when I see the opposite gender (in living things) and this sarcastically stated sentence “A woman, however, complies out of obligation” :)
100% agree with the comments by “Jahil Awaam”…
it is a controversial issue indeed but it is not a good approach to keep eyes closed for an issue if its controversial. acting like pigeons and ostrich has brought us to this situation. i think the time has come that we need to open our eyes and think and act sensibly.
“If they can’t plan for 10, how do u expect them to plan for 2? Rizk dainay wali zaat ALLAH Ki hai”
Mr. Afghan, If God has bestowed you with a sexual urge to keep having sex without thinking about consequences, he has also given you a BRAIN whose job is to urge you to think rationally. Allah ke diay huey rizq say pal tau bachey jatey hain, but you have to realize that growing up naked on a street with no education or civil upbrining leaves more reasons for your God given brain to start working.
ImranJ:
a bit confused here? mixing making love with procreating unaffordable/unwanted/untenable children?
Naveen your views are absolutely true.
our population is increasing rapidly and because of this
we are facing numerous challenges that links with growth of population.
It is sensitive prob which is more dangerous and lethal than drone and bomb explosion.
Imran J. and Jahil Awaam: wow, talk about focusing on the most irrelevant portion of the article!
I would agree with the idea of the article – most people in the country do not think of consequences when having sex. You can probably not call it ‘accident’ but unplanned, definitely. The lower classes, particularly, are caught in the cycle where they just keep on producing children because of pressing economic issues (they will help earn, of course) but things like education and other provisions are not the top of their list.
This isn not a core problem….Girls even hold an equal desire for havin sons…..Being a woman I agree with you….I m afraid you have very rightly pointed out….that children are born accidentally..Not only this, children are born in competition as well…How? My friend daughter had a baby son, why isnt my daughter telling me a good news?…….Plus I agree with farooq azim and shobz….
we need to educate ppl about this. A large number of our population is illiterate and easily fall prey to the people who say that family planning is haram in Islam. We need to control population in order to save our next generations other wise God help us !!!
asslam-o-alikum
I’m mot agree with the Naveen’s column about the population which she explain according to her own thinking. The issue which she raised is not due to no of sibling but due to the left or away from Quran and Sunna.
Now a days, I think the most of the people those facing this type of issues or problems which convince them for giving their breath is due to or away from Quran and Sunna. This types of the offices assume that “ we not choose the straight way but definitely we right the ALLAH’s system”.
If we want to gain prosperity then we must follow the Sunna and Quran way. A straight, simple and clear way.
I agree with Haris that it is not the core issue. Issue is the exploitation of masses by elite of the country. Resources are concentrated in few hands. They are the policy makers and beneficiaries as well. If people are not being fed then, it’s not because of lack of resources. We have abundance of resources and only need to have a fair distribution.
I think author has written all this without having done a preliminary work on this subject.There are many causes of over population in our country like illitracy,poverty and gilrs being married at very younger age.So such so called “accidents” start happening with menarche to end with menopause.Although things have improved now a days but not to the extent one must expect.Total fertility rate now in Pakistan is in the range of 4-5 as compard over 10 in the past
http://www.indexmundi.com/pakistan/total_fertility_rate.html
but should be much less than this.
Author should have better talked by citing statistics which are so easily avalible now a days
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Demographics_of_Pakistan
instead of speaking in the cover of her anonymous “doctor”.She might have done so to give it a “literary touch”.
Dr. Ali Ahmed is not wrong as social pressure from “mothers in law” from both sides also plays a crucial role.Mehvesh is also very right as the cause for over population in lower socio-ecocnomic class is pressing economic needs as they need more and more working hands to make their both ends meet,no matter how un-educated they are.So a vicious circle of ignorance,poverty,unemployment,social toaboos,hunger,diseases,over population.crimes and so on continues unles checked otherwise.The fact is that we are still in the range of a “population bomb”.
Darling, I’m running out of salad leaves for dinner; but the woman looking at me eat from outside my window, is running out of patience.
In India, when you go hungry, you die.
In Pakistan, when you go hungry, you die — by blowing yourself up.
Ms Naqvi’s article is yet another reminder of the dire state that this nation finds itself in, on yet another front. On all front, be it economic, moral, ethical, human development or health, this nation is failing, and failing miserably.
I just want to know- who is this doctor that Ms Naqvi quotes in this article, and how is it that he/she knows the inner workings of their patients’ brains ‘at the time of conception?’
I doubt most people have lofty notions of bringing their child up to an ivy leaguer ‘at the time of conception.’
hmm…
“at the time of conception, there are no goals or aspirations to educate, no idea what kind of human being the couple might want to mould”
I must like to appreciate “Mr. Jahil Awaam” to spoken so wisely. In fcat,the ignorantly mistaken”Jahil Awaams” of this country have always spoken wisely when ever asked as compared well fed,educated lot of elites.I might add that womanhood has never been without emotions to simply “comply out of obligations”.This problem is well known medical disorder known as “frigidity” which needs medical and psychological treatment.
Harris Chaudry rips a new one yet again
Good article Noveen, can you please write the next one on how it’s okay to have the “do bachay” as “do bachian”
Recently a friend shared that her baby was “not planned”. When will we understand that God gives life. And these things are not entirely in our control.
Naveen Naqvi: you must stop generalizing everything. Your privileged upbringing is preventing you from taking a holistic perspective of matters of pressing concern such as this issue.
How on earth can a woman taking OCPs, hamper a man’s pleasure of having sex? :O Naveen, who was that doctor? Or did you come up with it all by yourself, just like that ‘pristine mac’ wonder the other day.
its stupid to write on something which everyone knows why its happening…majority of our nation is illiterate and uneducated..how do you expect them to plan and have aspirations for their to be child..
Large population is not a problem whether in a religious or secular perspective. If population really matters, China would not have been so succeeded in different fields of life. In fact, there is dire need to formulate a policy for utilizing the large number of population for the sake of development of society.
Think a bit!
Thank to all of you for taking the time to read this piece, and sharing your thoughts. Many of you have asked the name of my doctor. She is Dr Azra Ahsan, an Ob/Gyn and a Technical Consultant to the National Committee for Maternal and Neonatal Health. Her expert opinion as narrated in the first paragraph are based on research that is available in the Pakistan Demographic and Health Survey 2006-7.
Good work Ms Naqvi, keep writing on the issue, we need awareness on the subject matter. The comments are self explanatory that how much people have concern in it.
@ Miss Naveen Naqvi
Thanks for citing the reference.I regret to find some thing related with your article in
http://www.measuredhs.com/pubs/pdf/PB1/Pakistan_2006-07_Briefing_Kit_all_6%5BPB1%5D.pdf
except a paragraph with the heading ” One – Fourth of Married Women Have Unmet Need”,if it was the sole basis to write this article.But it is hard to correlate with the” philosophy ” uttered in your article.
@ Haris Chaudary
You don’t realize that all the problems you mentioned are more or less a result of high population growth…so yes it IS the core problem we are facing right now!!!
I am glad to know that this article has generated so much interest, but most of the comments seem to have missed the point. The facts are there for all of us to see. Our cities and villages have this bulging population of young kids on the streets out of school and their homes. Their parents have no clue as to what these kids are up to. We all know how these children are abused and exploited. Did their parents really dream of sending them to university? If they did, why did their dream go horribly wrong? So the question is was their birth an accident or did the parents plan it like this?
Have we forgotten the 100 children who were dissolved in acid in Lahore ?
The fact is that we are sitting on a population bomb. We need to defuse it!
The question to ponder is the rights of the child before we give birth to one.
I recently saw Mr Imran Aslam (CEO of GEO) on TV and he aptly described the population explosion as “Birth quake”.
Think of the majority of women of this country, who are illiterate, undernourished, anaemic, perpetually pregnant or lactating, overworked at home and outside on the fields, unpaid etc and then have the “duty “to perform at the end of the day. Yes, sex should be a pleasure but in Pakistan only a few have this luxury. This discussion about hormones and desires is totally drifting from the core issue.
The comments I made were about the overwhelming majority of this country; there are always exceptions.
Dr Azra Ahsan
Karachi
I think we should follow the example of Bangladesh. They had managed this issue effectively. The difference between them and us is Mullah Culture. Here I have seen people saying it as anti Islamic to go for family planning. But there they have managed to shut up the mullahs. In Pakistan, the influence of Moulvis in rural areas are more than anyone. We should counter this by education and opening up schools and hospitals. But in reality it is very difficult to enter in those areas controlled by powerful landlords, Sardars and Jagirdars who are the elected representatives also at the same time. At the end we see a full stop after considering our so called democratic system. We need a revolution or a dictator to implement this. No program of the public interest can be done in this land of pure because everyone is baton ke champion.
I see a couple of flaws in your thinking that prompted you to write such an article. One flaw has been very well elucidated by Imran J. There is a hormonal-physical-axis and it’s not about producing children alone. Your article should have directly addressed the over-population issue (I feel you wanted it that way, but somehow lost the thought process). Families who have 5 children and more surely have a plan. They are thinking at future bread-winners for the family. While we dont like paying taxes and the governments are corrupt, there are no serious old age benifits across the board or/and efforts to develop a successful family planning project. Socially people are insecure…hence five children and more, and please only males.
This article is discriminatory against men. I don’t understand what women’s problem is. Do they really think that they are that innocent that they’ll “comply out of obligation”? I’m sorry, but this so isn’t the 14th century.
The issue of family planning needs to be addressed at the government level. Our population continues to grow and it will do so forever. Its a rule of nature. We can slow it down, but let me assure you, merely telling the world that Pakistani men are savage, sexually depraved predators will not help your cause.
I think that men and women should plan before they have children…people have this stupid concept that it is ok to have as many children as you want because it is what God would want…that is absolutely wrong..take the poor wretches that have 5 or more children..many of them cant feed them or educated them…its a crime and many of these parents are responsible for it…it is also because of uneducated mullahs that the poor continue to add more and more children to the population….
So the writer is saying that all the kids born in today’s age are natural ‘accidents’ and are procreated only because of the virility of men and out of pure obligation on the part of women, more like how animals rear. And since they came to earth undesired, their parents don’t know what to do with them. That is the reason of all problems in our country. So the writer decides that since such kids are actually ‘unwanted’ and ‘unaccepted’ by her and her society including the kids’ parents, so they shouldn’t have been conceived at all.
I really really hope Naveen wanted to say something else and it just happened to turn out like this, only because it was poorly researched and expressed and not because these are her actual thoughts. I am willing to give her the benefit of the doubt this time and not tear this piece apart word by word.
Ms. Naveen, God invented Google and God invented people. This article is one-sided. Yes, women do have sex out of obligation but they can also buy contraceptives if they want. Women in Pakistan have can do a lot if they want, and a lot can be a secret. Though, it is necessary for a couple to plan but it never happens when you are married under the category of “ARRANGED MARRIAGE”. The boy has to show his “man” skills to make his wife pregnant, and a girl has to show that she is “woman” enough to be pregnant. Pressure lies on both sides, its better that we create proper awareness. Pointing fingers won’t help.