10 signs you might be a pushover and what to do about it
Know the fine line between being nice and pushover!
Know the fine line between being nice and pushover!
Being nice to others will surely take you places, but it's also important to remember that you cannot please everyone.
There is always a fine line between being a nice person and a pushover; the latter makes you vulnerable as you constantly fear rejection or worry too much about other people's feelings. You hold back your opinions because you don't want to sound 'bossy' or 'bitchy'. Over time, this can lead to self confidence issues and losing sight of what you are capable of achieving.
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Are you a people pleaser or are you just a nice person? The following 10 behaviours will help you find out:
1. Pleasing:
When you try to bend yourself according to other people's needs, you are simply pleasing them. You fear voicing your own thoughts as you believe they won't be accepted or supported by others.
To stop being a pushover, you need to take a stand for what you believe in and communicate your opinions clearly and effectively.
Respect shouldn't be compromised for approval. If you are well-educated in your area of expertise, you should build the confidence to communicate.
2. Neediness:
Don't rely on anyone to tell you your worth. Your need for approval is understandable, but it will eventually drain the people around you. You can only be successful if you have faith in yourself and a commitment to follow your dreams.
Your ideas about what you want, rather than what you need, from people should be clear. You should be straightforward about what is important to you and considerate about it not being inconvenient for others at the same time. The only way to progress is to express what you want and to go after it.
3. Insincerity:
Beware! Over complimenting others reflects your own insecurities. You may portray yourself as a manipulative person if your every conversation begins or ends with a compliment.
This is just a way of handling your sense of insecurity as you believe you will be accepted by making others feel good. But it's just a false assumption as your compliments may not always sound sincere.
In this case, risk taking rather than pleasing others is the key to success. You just need to have some self-confidence.
4. Defensive:
Your defensiveness might come across as your weakness. A lot of people will disagree with you and you should be open to criticism and feedback. But if you have the potential to feel wrecked, upset or anxious then success is not meant for you. The last thing you could expect from others is to help you climb the ladder of success by feeling sorry for you.
Take criticism as a constructive feedback rather than a destructive one.
5. Lying:
Pleasing others may sometimes create dishonesty as you agree with them even when you don't want to. Being people's pet will suppress your ideas and values. Your need to fit in makes you lie during such situations.
Its better to hurt them with truth than to comfort with a lie and success comes to those who are brutally honest. You need to be confident to express your feelings even if that makes you lose fake relationships.
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6. Over-functioning:
You don't need to go an extra mile to prove your worth. If you are overworking, you may end up doing things just to fit in. It's the result of your constant fear to be judged by others for not doing certain things.
It may show your desperation to prove yourself that will eventually make others lose respect for you. You should strongly express your agreement or disagreement in doing something. There is no need to feel guilty for saying no.
Your rejection will show your likes and dislikes and also define your personality to others. They will know your limits and you could refrain yourself from being pushed over.
7. Withholding:
If you are holding back your true thoughts and opinions to someone who has been offensive to you, then you are also holding back your value as you will probably get looked-over. Always feel free to say the truth.
Conflicts are a part of an argument so you need to learn to state your opinions boldly. Everyone has a right to freedom of speech.
Your preferences won't be known by others if you are too afraid to express freely. You simply don't need approval for any opinion that is right for you.
8. Uncertainty:
Pleasing others will give you a habit of seeking permission even in situations where it's not required. If you think that will make you come across as being polite and respectful to others then you are wrong. You will probably end up looking unintelligent and mousey as you will be someone who can't even make the simplest decisions on their own.
Be fearless in leading the way with your decisions even if you are uncertain about them. People will start respecting you for your bold attitude. Your can overcome the uncertainties by committing to what you believe in and to speaking on it.
9. Over-apologetic:
The idea of your self-worth is reflected by starting every sentence with "I'm sorry". Relax! you don't need to be apologetic for your existence.
The use of this phrase suggests that you are expecting disapproval even before communicating your need, opinion or idea during a conversation. Try to begin each sentence with "listen..." instead, it will add weight to your words.
It's fine to take risks and make mistakes as that's what defines real people. No one is perfect so there is no need to be over-apologetic. After all we learn from mistakes only.
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10. Timid:
Being timid will get your fear in the way of pursuing your passions and happiness. It will demotivate you and will take you no where. The practical world is insensitive and timidity will let others, including less talented people, surpass you.
Confidently pursuing your happiness will bring you success. You will have a well-defined unique path to follow in life and committing to it will take you places.
People pleasing often produce opposite results of those which are expected. Confidence in yourself, your opinions and beliefs will bring you success in every walk of life. You need to get rid of your doubts and learn to stop seeking approvals. Define your needs and work hard to fulfill them.
The feeling of being entitled to have your own opinions will also help you accept disapproval without losing respect for others. It's not about right or wrong, it is about embracing differences.
Last words:
The next time you feel the need for approval against your own wishes, then you are probably reducing your success factor.
This article originally appeared in the Huffington Post.
There is always a fine line between being a nice person and a pushover; the latter makes you vulnerable as you constantly fear rejection or worry too much about other people's feelings. You hold back your opinions because you don't want to sound 'bossy' or 'bitchy'. Over time, this can lead to self confidence issues and losing sight of what you are capable of achieving.
7 ways to keep emotions in check at work
Are you a people pleaser or are you just a nice person? The following 10 behaviours will help you find out:
1. Pleasing:
When you try to bend yourself according to other people's needs, you are simply pleasing them. You fear voicing your own thoughts as you believe they won't be accepted or supported by others.
To stop being a pushover, you need to take a stand for what you believe in and communicate your opinions clearly and effectively.
Respect shouldn't be compromised for approval. If you are well-educated in your area of expertise, you should build the confidence to communicate.
2. Neediness:
Don't rely on anyone to tell you your worth. Your need for approval is understandable, but it will eventually drain the people around you. You can only be successful if you have faith in yourself and a commitment to follow your dreams.
Your ideas about what you want, rather than what you need, from people should be clear. You should be straightforward about what is important to you and considerate about it not being inconvenient for others at the same time. The only way to progress is to express what you want and to go after it.
3. Insincerity:
Beware! Over complimenting others reflects your own insecurities. You may portray yourself as a manipulative person if your every conversation begins or ends with a compliment.
This is just a way of handling your sense of insecurity as you believe you will be accepted by making others feel good. But it's just a false assumption as your compliments may not always sound sincere.
In this case, risk taking rather than pleasing others is the key to success. You just need to have some self-confidence.
4. Defensive:
Your defensiveness might come across as your weakness. A lot of people will disagree with you and you should be open to criticism and feedback. But if you have the potential to feel wrecked, upset or anxious then success is not meant for you. The last thing you could expect from others is to help you climb the ladder of success by feeling sorry for you.
Take criticism as a constructive feedback rather than a destructive one.
5. Lying:
Pleasing others may sometimes create dishonesty as you agree with them even when you don't want to. Being people's pet will suppress your ideas and values. Your need to fit in makes you lie during such situations.
Its better to hurt them with truth than to comfort with a lie and success comes to those who are brutally honest. You need to be confident to express your feelings even if that makes you lose fake relationships.
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6. Over-functioning:
You don't need to go an extra mile to prove your worth. If you are overworking, you may end up doing things just to fit in. It's the result of your constant fear to be judged by others for not doing certain things.
It may show your desperation to prove yourself that will eventually make others lose respect for you. You should strongly express your agreement or disagreement in doing something. There is no need to feel guilty for saying no.
Your rejection will show your likes and dislikes and also define your personality to others. They will know your limits and you could refrain yourself from being pushed over.
7. Withholding:
If you are holding back your true thoughts and opinions to someone who has been offensive to you, then you are also holding back your value as you will probably get looked-over. Always feel free to say the truth.
Conflicts are a part of an argument so you need to learn to state your opinions boldly. Everyone has a right to freedom of speech.
Your preferences won't be known by others if you are too afraid to express freely. You simply don't need approval for any opinion that is right for you.
8. Uncertainty:
Pleasing others will give you a habit of seeking permission even in situations where it's not required. If you think that will make you come across as being polite and respectful to others then you are wrong. You will probably end up looking unintelligent and mousey as you will be someone who can't even make the simplest decisions on their own.
Be fearless in leading the way with your decisions even if you are uncertain about them. People will start respecting you for your bold attitude. Your can overcome the uncertainties by committing to what you believe in and to speaking on it.
9. Over-apologetic:
The idea of your self-worth is reflected by starting every sentence with "I'm sorry". Relax! you don't need to be apologetic for your existence.
The use of this phrase suggests that you are expecting disapproval even before communicating your need, opinion or idea during a conversation. Try to begin each sentence with "listen..." instead, it will add weight to your words.
It's fine to take risks and make mistakes as that's what defines real people. No one is perfect so there is no need to be over-apologetic. After all we learn from mistakes only.
5 ways to sustain marital bliss
10. Timid:
Being timid will get your fear in the way of pursuing your passions and happiness. It will demotivate you and will take you no where. The practical world is insensitive and timidity will let others, including less talented people, surpass you.
Confidently pursuing your happiness will bring you success. You will have a well-defined unique path to follow in life and committing to it will take you places.
People pleasing often produce opposite results of those which are expected. Confidence in yourself, your opinions and beliefs will bring you success in every walk of life. You need to get rid of your doubts and learn to stop seeking approvals. Define your needs and work hard to fulfill them.
The feeling of being entitled to have your own opinions will also help you accept disapproval without losing respect for others. It's not about right or wrong, it is about embracing differences.
Last words:
The next time you feel the need for approval against your own wishes, then you are probably reducing your success factor.
This article originally appeared in the Huffington Post.