Rajasthani culture: Brides beyond borders
How families from both sides of the Pakistan-India border unite through marriage
Druv Singh at the official engagement ceremony attended by the male members of both families. PHOTO COURTESY: KIRAN AND DRUV’S FAMILY
Years after Partition and despite decades of instability between India and Pakistan, borders between the two countries have not broken ties between families on either side of the Thar desert. The royal families from the region continue to marry across the border to uphold their centuries-old traditions.
In the month of February alone, two inter-clan weddings took place between the Shekhawat and Kanota clans of Rajasthan, India, and the Sodha clan from Umerkot, Pakistan. Kiran Kumari Singh from the Sodha family married Kanwar Druv Singh from the Shekhawat family, whose father Thakur Gaj Singhji Shekhawat is famous for owning the great Alsisar Haweli in the north western part of Jhunjhunu district, Rajasthan. Around the same time, another member of the Sodha family Kanwar Karni Singh Sodha married Padmini Kumari from the Thikana Kanota clan in Jaipur.
Staying true to tradition
To explain how these marriages work, a cousin of Kiran and Kanwar Tejvir Singh says, “It’s not that men and women are in short supply here in Pakistan.” Nearly six-feet-tall, Tejvir has a heavy voice and elaborates on the cross-border weddings in his royal tone. “It is our strong cultural and religious beliefs that do not allow us to marry within the clan,” he explains. Tejvir says the Rajput clans are divided into three classes: Chandravanshi, Suryavanshi and Agnivanshi. “The Sodhas are a subdivision of the Agnivanshi class and they have to look for someone from either the Chandravanshi or the Suryavanshi clan, who are in India.”
While reading out the five-page invitation card, Tejvir says five functions were held for Kiran and Druv’s grand wedding at Nahargarh Fort in Ranthambhore, situated in the Sawai Madhopur district of southeastern Rajasthan. “The wedding ceremonies kicked off on February 8, with Ganesh Sthapna (worship of lord Ganesh),” he says. This was followed by the pithi ceremony where a paste is made out of chickpea flour, turmeric and rose water, among other ingredients, and is rubbed on the bride and groom’s face, hands and legs. There is a belief that if the bride rubs pithi (the paste) on someone who is unmarried then they may get married soon, says Tejvir.
On the same day, the mayara dastoor and a mehndi function was held. “Mayara dastoor is when the maternal uncles of both the bride and the groom arrive with their families to their respective homes. The uncles give cash, jewellery, sweets and other presents to their sister and her family,” says Tejvir. Next there is the teeka dastoor ceremony where the bride’s family gave the groom a teeka (a tilak that Hindus apply on the forehead of the groom). “This is when the groom’s family is given an official invitation to the wedding ceremony,” he adds.
“February 10 was the day of Kiran’s main wedding function,” Tejvir says. The ceremony began with tying a safa, a Rajasthani turban, which is an essential part of weddings in India, explains Tejvir. “The length of the safa varies from five to eight metres, depending on how it is tied,” he shares, adding that both sides wear a different colour that makes it easy to determine which side a particular guest is representing.
A number of customs make the weddings in Rajasthan a royal affair. “When the groom’s family arrives at the bride’s home, the entrance is decorated with a beautiful toran that is made by tying different flowers and beads together,” says Tejvir. “The groom, while sitting on a horse, has to hit the toran with a sword, just to show off his heroism.”
Kiran’s aunt Sareeta Kumari, also known as the ‘bua ji’ of the Sodha clan, takes care of all wedding functions in the family. She says the groom’s family provides the bride with no less than 1,161 wedding dresses and three other things — a nose pin, necklace and a teeka — which are of great significance in Rajasthani tradition. “We don’t run after famous designers or brands for wedding dresses [because] it is out of their league to design dresses for our brides,” says Sareeta, adding that brides only wear two colours, either pink or red. “This time it was red for both brides,” she adds.
A wedding hiccup
Although the ties between families on both sides of the border continue to grow stronger through marriage, this has not eased the decades of hostility between the two countries. Tejvir says their community has been grappling with strict visa restriction for decades and now they have become accustomed to it. “For us, Padmini is Pakistani and our bhabi (sister-in-law),” he says. “But it will take five years for her to prove that to the Pakistani government and get a Pakistani passport.” Until then, she will have to live in Pakistan on a visit visa that has to be renewed every two to three months, he shares. “For an Indian residency, it takes seven years for the process to be completed. But ever since the Thar Express train service — that connects Khokhrapar (Pakistan) to Munabao (India) — was launched, travel has at least become a lot easier,” he says.
Kiran’s sister-in-law Rajeshri, who was an Indian citizen and now a resident of Umerkot, says the lifestyle is different on both sides of the border as well. “Sometimes these are subtle and other times major differences, but we manage or rather have to manage things,” she says. “Our mothers and grandmothers also married across the border when there was no mode of communication. Now we can at least pay a visit back home once a year,” she adds in a telephone interview. The differences, however, come to the fore when it comes to cricket. “For instance, Padmini loves India a lot and is a hardcore fan of the Indian team,” says Rajshri. But Karni on the other hand is quite patriotic when it comes to Pakistan and a staunch supporter of his team, she adds with a smile.
Oonib Azam is an Express Tribune reporter at the Karachi desk.
Published in The Express Tribune, Sunday Magazine, March 29th, 2015.
In the month of February alone, two inter-clan weddings took place between the Shekhawat and Kanota clans of Rajasthan, India, and the Sodha clan from Umerkot, Pakistan. Kiran Kumari Singh from the Sodha family married Kanwar Druv Singh from the Shekhawat family, whose father Thakur Gaj Singhji Shekhawat is famous for owning the great Alsisar Haweli in the north western part of Jhunjhunu district, Rajasthan. Around the same time, another member of the Sodha family Kanwar Karni Singh Sodha married Padmini Kumari from the Thikana Kanota clan in Jaipur.
The groom is received with a traditional arti. PHOTO COURTESY: KIRAN AND DRUV’S FAMILY
Staying true to tradition
To explain how these marriages work, a cousin of Kiran and Kanwar Tejvir Singh says, “It’s not that men and women are in short supply here in Pakistan.” Nearly six-feet-tall, Tejvir has a heavy voice and elaborates on the cross-border weddings in his royal tone. “It is our strong cultural and religious beliefs that do not allow us to marry within the clan,” he explains. Tejvir says the Rajput clans are divided into three classes: Chandravanshi, Suryavanshi and Agnivanshi. “The Sodhas are a subdivision of the Agnivanshi class and they have to look for someone from either the Chandravanshi or the Suryavanshi clan, who are in India.”
While reading out the five-page invitation card, Tejvir says five functions were held for Kiran and Druv’s grand wedding at Nahargarh Fort in Ranthambhore, situated in the Sawai Madhopur district of southeastern Rajasthan. “The wedding ceremonies kicked off on February 8, with Ganesh Sthapna (worship of lord Ganesh),” he says. This was followed by the pithi ceremony where a paste is made out of chickpea flour, turmeric and rose water, among other ingredients, and is rubbed on the bride and groom’s face, hands and legs. There is a belief that if the bride rubs pithi (the paste) on someone who is unmarried then they may get married soon, says Tejvir.
Padla being displayed, gifts for bride from groom’s family. PHOTO COURTESY: KIRAN AND DRUV’S FAMILY
On the same day, the mayara dastoor and a mehndi function was held. “Mayara dastoor is when the maternal uncles of both the bride and the groom arrive with their families to their respective homes. The uncles give cash, jewellery, sweets and other presents to their sister and her family,” says Tejvir. Next there is the teeka dastoor ceremony where the bride’s family gave the groom a teeka (a tilak that Hindus apply on the forehead of the groom). “This is when the groom’s family is given an official invitation to the wedding ceremony,” he adds.
“February 10 was the day of Kiran’s main wedding function,” Tejvir says. The ceremony began with tying a safa, a Rajasthani turban, which is an essential part of weddings in India, explains Tejvir. “The length of the safa varies from five to eight metres, depending on how it is tied,” he shares, adding that both sides wear a different colour that makes it easy to determine which side a particular guest is representing.
A number of customs make the weddings in Rajasthan a royal affair. “When the groom’s family arrives at the bride’s home, the entrance is decorated with a beautiful toran that is made by tying different flowers and beads together,” says Tejvir. “The groom, while sitting on a horse, has to hit the toran with a sword, just to show off his heroism.”
Regally attired Druv Singh and Kiran. PHOTO COURTESY: KIRAN AND DRUV’S FAMILY
Kiran’s aunt Sareeta Kumari, also known as the ‘bua ji’ of the Sodha clan, takes care of all wedding functions in the family. She says the groom’s family provides the bride with no less than 1,161 wedding dresses and three other things — a nose pin, necklace and a teeka — which are of great significance in Rajasthani tradition. “We don’t run after famous designers or brands for wedding dresses [because] it is out of their league to design dresses for our brides,” says Sareeta, adding that brides only wear two colours, either pink or red. “This time it was red for both brides,” she adds.
A wedding hiccup
Although the ties between families on both sides of the border continue to grow stronger through marriage, this has not eased the decades of hostility between the two countries. Tejvir says their community has been grappling with strict visa restriction for decades and now they have become accustomed to it. “For us, Padmini is Pakistani and our bhabi (sister-in-law),” he says. “But it will take five years for her to prove that to the Pakistani government and get a Pakistani passport.” Until then, she will have to live in Pakistan on a visit visa that has to be renewed every two to three months, he shares. “For an Indian residency, it takes seven years for the process to be completed. But ever since the Thar Express train service — that connects Khokhrapar (Pakistan) to Munabao (India) — was launched, travel has at least become a lot easier,” he says.
Nahargarh Fort Ranthambhore, the marriage venue. PHOTO COURTESY: KIRAN AND DRUV’S FAMILY
Kiran’s sister-in-law Rajeshri, who was an Indian citizen and now a resident of Umerkot, says the lifestyle is different on both sides of the border as well. “Sometimes these are subtle and other times major differences, but we manage or rather have to manage things,” she says. “Our mothers and grandmothers also married across the border when there was no mode of communication. Now we can at least pay a visit back home once a year,” she adds in a telephone interview. The differences, however, come to the fore when it comes to cricket. “For instance, Padmini loves India a lot and is a hardcore fan of the Indian team,” says Rajshri. But Karni on the other hand is quite patriotic when it comes to Pakistan and a staunch supporter of his team, she adds with a smile.
Oonib Azam is an Express Tribune reporter at the Karachi desk.
Published in The Express Tribune, Sunday Magazine, March 29th, 2015.