Polygyny: Sunnah or desire?
There is much more to the allowance of four legal wives than we know
DESIGN BY EESHA AZAM
For a very long time, a woman has wondered about the reason behind her man’s decision to wed another woman. Owing to the conservative and patriarchal society we live in, her question is often silenced and religion is brought into the discussion. But what Islam permits is often quoted adversely, giving the man the right to multiple marriages.
Polygyny — the practice of having more than one wife — is the narrow form of polygamy (having more than one spouse). Islam allows a man to have more than one wife at one point, with a maximum of four — a provision that has been largely misunderstood and abused by the society.
The purpose of polygyny in Islam, according to scholars, was to protect widows and orphans. “The Prophet (PBUH) regarded monogamy as a most rational and practical form of marriage contract,” says ZM Shahid Siddiqi, an author who writes on cultural and legal matters. “Polygyny was permitted under exceptional circumstances, demanding the fulfilment of conditions which are generally impossible to satisfy,” he adds.
Polygyny, therefore, is not intended to serve the personal desires of men. In fact, it is sanctioned under circumstances such as war and natural calamities when the ratio of women to men increase and a majority of women and children are left without support and shelter. Even in that scenario, Islam lays out strict rules. Foremost, the previous wife/wives need to consent to the new marriage and the man needs to ensure that he can be absolutely impartial and equitable in dividing his resources, time and affection amongst all his wives.
In Pakistan, however, polygyny for some is a norm practiced through generations. “I am the first of my husband’s three wives and it is a norm for men in my family to marry more than once,” explains Nusrat Wahid, a resident of Lahore. “I had no option but to accept my husband’s later marriages.”
Over time, polygyny has become a normalised practice in Pakistan. According to Rafia Zakaria, an attorney who teaches constitutional law and political philosophy, polygyny is often quoted as a male’s prerogative or a solution to a variety of societal ills. The reasons cited for subsequent marriages are mostly sexual desire, financial gain or personal pleasure. The second wife is often the one who is more glamorous, younger or is said to have better social graces. It is rarely ever the case that a man is equally fair to all his wives and children and for Nusrat, a small amount of monthly pocket money is all that she gets from her husband. She is expected to be content with having a home for herself and her children. “My in-laws tell me that it is my husband’s right as a man to keep multiple wives and that I should be grateful he did not divorce me,” she says.
Findings from a recent study carried out by Dr Rana Raddawai, associate professor at the American University of Sharjah’s English department, polygyny can result in feelings of neglect, abuse, depression, jealousy and unhealthy competition between wives. Dr Rana studied 100 Arab women in polygynous marriages and concluded that financial, emotional and psychological neglect was largely prevalent in all cases.
Another study by the Malaysian group Sisters in Islam in 2010 highlighted that polygynous marriages not only affect the wives but the children as well as they are often neglected by their fathers, both financially and emotionally, and begin to harbour feelings of bitterness, anger and hostility.
Naila Ali, a homemaker in Rawalpindi, lives in the same home as her husband’s other three wives and his 15 children. “Quarrels and resentment are a daily part of our lives,” she complains. “My husband doesn’t concern himself with household matters. In fact, he doesn’t even know the names of all his children!”
Family law in Pakistan, with its flaws in design and execution, does little to help the situation. The Muslim Family Law Ordinance of 1961 demanded that marital practices should be made more transparent. With regards to polygyny, it was made mandatory for a man seeking a second wife to get permission from an Arbitration Council and the existing wife. However, this stipulation is often ignored. The Institute of Policy Studies (IPS) task force in Islamabad looked at the legislative structures between 2008 and 2010 and found them to be incongruent and weak. As per the findings, the law only penalises the person who violates the consent clause but the marriage itself is not invalidated.
On the flip side of the coin, there are a number of arguments for polygyny and the entire concept has been repackaged to suit cultural and social beliefs. According to IPS, the Federal Shariat Court states that if polygyny is not permitted, all manners of moral decadence and degeneration — from prostitution, sex out of wedlock to homosexuality — would be tolerated.
Some activists argue that polygyny should be allowed in the spirit of the original principles of Islam in order to facilitate divorced and widowed women. Limiting polygyny would violate the rights of women where a person wishing to marry another woman would have to divorce the existing wife. While most scholars, thinkers and reformers favour monogamy, Zakaria calls for an active feminist movement as a counter measure to arguments in favour of polygyny. But till that movement strengthens, there must be an effort on the part of women to be conscious of the clause in the nikhanama that deals with polygyny, so they are able to protect their positions and rights.
Published in The Express Tribune, Ms T, March 8th, 2015.
Polygyny — the practice of having more than one wife — is the narrow form of polygamy (having more than one spouse). Islam allows a man to have more than one wife at one point, with a maximum of four — a provision that has been largely misunderstood and abused by the society.
The purpose of polygyny in Islam, according to scholars, was to protect widows and orphans. “The Prophet (PBUH) regarded monogamy as a most rational and practical form of marriage contract,” says ZM Shahid Siddiqi, an author who writes on cultural and legal matters. “Polygyny was permitted under exceptional circumstances, demanding the fulfilment of conditions which are generally impossible to satisfy,” he adds.
Polygyny, therefore, is not intended to serve the personal desires of men. In fact, it is sanctioned under circumstances such as war and natural calamities when the ratio of women to men increase and a majority of women and children are left without support and shelter. Even in that scenario, Islam lays out strict rules. Foremost, the previous wife/wives need to consent to the new marriage and the man needs to ensure that he can be absolutely impartial and equitable in dividing his resources, time and affection amongst all his wives.
In Pakistan, however, polygyny for some is a norm practiced through generations. “I am the first of my husband’s three wives and it is a norm for men in my family to marry more than once,” explains Nusrat Wahid, a resident of Lahore. “I had no option but to accept my husband’s later marriages.”
Over time, polygyny has become a normalised practice in Pakistan. According to Rafia Zakaria, an attorney who teaches constitutional law and political philosophy, polygyny is often quoted as a male’s prerogative or a solution to a variety of societal ills. The reasons cited for subsequent marriages are mostly sexual desire, financial gain or personal pleasure. The second wife is often the one who is more glamorous, younger or is said to have better social graces. It is rarely ever the case that a man is equally fair to all his wives and children and for Nusrat, a small amount of monthly pocket money is all that she gets from her husband. She is expected to be content with having a home for herself and her children. “My in-laws tell me that it is my husband’s right as a man to keep multiple wives and that I should be grateful he did not divorce me,” she says.
Findings from a recent study carried out by Dr Rana Raddawai, associate professor at the American University of Sharjah’s English department, polygyny can result in feelings of neglect, abuse, depression, jealousy and unhealthy competition between wives. Dr Rana studied 100 Arab women in polygynous marriages and concluded that financial, emotional and psychological neglect was largely prevalent in all cases.
Another study by the Malaysian group Sisters in Islam in 2010 highlighted that polygynous marriages not only affect the wives but the children as well as they are often neglected by their fathers, both financially and emotionally, and begin to harbour feelings of bitterness, anger and hostility.
Naila Ali, a homemaker in Rawalpindi, lives in the same home as her husband’s other three wives and his 15 children. “Quarrels and resentment are a daily part of our lives,” she complains. “My husband doesn’t concern himself with household matters. In fact, he doesn’t even know the names of all his children!”
Family law in Pakistan, with its flaws in design and execution, does little to help the situation. The Muslim Family Law Ordinance of 1961 demanded that marital practices should be made more transparent. With regards to polygyny, it was made mandatory for a man seeking a second wife to get permission from an Arbitration Council and the existing wife. However, this stipulation is often ignored. The Institute of Policy Studies (IPS) task force in Islamabad looked at the legislative structures between 2008 and 2010 and found them to be incongruent and weak. As per the findings, the law only penalises the person who violates the consent clause but the marriage itself is not invalidated.
On the flip side of the coin, there are a number of arguments for polygyny and the entire concept has been repackaged to suit cultural and social beliefs. According to IPS, the Federal Shariat Court states that if polygyny is not permitted, all manners of moral decadence and degeneration — from prostitution, sex out of wedlock to homosexuality — would be tolerated.
Some activists argue that polygyny should be allowed in the spirit of the original principles of Islam in order to facilitate divorced and widowed women. Limiting polygyny would violate the rights of women where a person wishing to marry another woman would have to divorce the existing wife. While most scholars, thinkers and reformers favour monogamy, Zakaria calls for an active feminist movement as a counter measure to arguments in favour of polygyny. But till that movement strengthens, there must be an effort on the part of women to be conscious of the clause in the nikhanama that deals with polygyny, so they are able to protect their positions and rights.
Published in The Express Tribune, Ms T, March 8th, 2015.