Politics and lying

Common between discussion in Islamabad, cruciation in Westminster was that in neither self-evident truths were owned

Grandmother told me in my youth that there were two types of political scandals, and it was either sex or money and never both together. If it was sex it was the Conservative Party and if it was money then it was those Commies in the Labour Party. And none of them tell the truth quoth she, not ever. Never go near the buggers and wash your hands after counting your fingers if you ever by chance shake hands with one of them. Sound advice Grandma which I have followed carefully ever since.

Watching three of our own politicians get mercilessly skewered by the interviewer on Tuesday night was a joy to behold. It was on the only English language channel still broadcasting and probably had a tiny viewership but it was a minor gem. The interviewer might have taken lessons from the legendary BBC inquisitor-in-chief Jeremy Paxman. His Pakistani doppelganger had three party hacks all trying to defend indefensible positions. Where they were not lying outright (the subject for discussion was the proposal to amend the Constitution regarding the election of senators) they dissembled, prevaricated and did anything but answer the question. The interviewer in true Paxo style kept lobbing the bouncers down the wicket and clean-bowling these cloacal creatures with every ball.

Switching channels at 10 there were two British grandees of the political world — one Labour and one Conservative and both past foreign secretaries — falling on their swords over the ‘cash for access’ scandal. They had been set up in a journalistic sting offering to use their power and influence as politicians on behalf of a fictitious Chinese company in exchange for bundles of cash. This is not the first time that ‘cash for access’ has swum to the top of the political cesspool in the UK and will not be the last. Both men wriggled and squirmed under the eye of the media, defending positions that were less and less defensible by the minute and eventually had little choice but to walk the plank. These were not small fry, these were… very much now past tense… very big men indeed.

Ruminating on the evenings, viewing before bed over a cup of cocoa with a dash of Dr Murrees finest tincture, the commonalities of what at first sight were apples and oranges — became clear. And the differences. The commonality between the studio discussion in Islamabad and the merciless cruciation in Westminster was that in neither case were self-evident truths owned or even acknowledged. In London two men had thought they might get away with a bit of a chancy move — they were not fools after all — and took the dive. In Islamabad there was similar pain being inflicted and deflected, nullified, because the men doing the lying in front of the camera were secure in the knowledge that they were being watched by a jobbing hack in Bahawalpur, his dog and budgerigars and very few others. They could in complete safety say whatever they liked and fear no blowback. They were unaccountable in every sense of the word.

The difference was that Messrs Rifkind and Straw made fatal errors of judgment in a place where the sharks of The Fourth Estate are ever circling, whereas our local chappies know full well that for the most part the media are in political pockets and such sharks as there are — and yes, there are one or two — can be safely corralled in the waters between 9pm and midnight on a channel watched by almost nobody.

The media in Pakistan lacks a key tool — a forensic kit. Such confrontations as there are on TV are highly ritualised and almost never really challenge directly the manifest untruths on display, the deceptions and the shape-shifting. There is, to be fair, good investigative print journalism on offer but again seen and read by a tiny minority. The politicians of Pakistan, like Grandma told me all those years ago, will lie through their teeth to save their skins as will their fellows from Albania to Zambia. I went to my bed with an old anarchist battle-cry bouncing around in my head… ‘Don’t vote, it only encourages them.’ Always listen to Grannies Dear Reader, always listen to grannies.

Published in The Express Tribune, February 26^th,  2015.

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