7 surprising factors that ruin perfectly happy relationships
Researchers have come up with plenty of not-so-obvious aspects that can aid or impair a couple's level of bliss
PHOTO: SHUTTERSTOCK
Avoiding negativity, showing appreciation towards your partner and communicating effectively are relationship rules most of us have already memorised.
But researchers have turned up with plenty of not-so-obvious aspects that can aid or impair a couple's level of bliss with each other. Turns out, putting your partner on a pedestal isn't always the best thing. As compiled by doctornerdlove.com and Good Housekeeping magazine, avoid these pitfalls and keep your bond going strong.
1.Having too much authority
It’s assumed that the partner whose not really “wearing the pants,” is more discontented in the relationship, but researchers discovered that the one who is in fact more influential over their partner is actually less fulfilled. Valuing and maintaining equality in relationships is imperative and both of you should be "calling the shots." If you always put back your opinion and avoid expressing your judgment to your other half while making joint decisions, start having your say more often; if you're the one who usually gets the final word, start taking turns.
2. Creating unreal expectations
Being prepared for the worst in a relationship clearly isn't healthy, but being overly positive can also backfire. A 2013 study found out that people whose hopes were too elevated as in “we will go out to dinner every weekend,” were more often disappointed in their first year of marriage than those with more practical expectations like “we will try to dine out every other weekend.” "No relationship is perfect, and holding highly optimistic specific expectations often leads to disappointment," says Lisa Neff, PhD, a professor at the University of Texas at Austin. Don't drain the affirmative attitude just keep your practical side in check.
3. Putting your partner on a pedestal
A new study found that being over-idealised by your partner doesn't make you all that ecstatic and content. Instead, you can end up feeling that your mate doesn't in reality perceive you for who you are – which is an individual with flaws. There's also additional pressure and a strain to live up to their expectations. Your partner viewing you through rose-tinted glasses could leave you feeling insecure. A little admiration goes a long way but don't exceed it too much. Make sure your appreciation is based on your mate's genuine strengths rather than wishful philosophy.
4. Not loving yourself
While it may sound shallow, the level of pride that you take in yourself – be it in your personality or appearance often reflects your intrinsic values and the outlook you have towards your relationship. Turns out, kindness towards yourself may be a more worthwhile focus. In a study published in the book Self and Identity, self-compassion was a stronger predictor of a positive relationship. Those who neglect to take care of themselves or are too harsh to themselves or have low self-esteem are essentially revealing a lack of drive for self-improvement, while also emphasising the fact that they are not prepared to make an effort for their partner. This can slowly shatter the foundations of a relationship
5. Not being nosy enough
Curiosity did kill the cat but it can work miraculously well for your relationship. Research published in the Journal of Personality shows that inquisitive people are more likely to observe taxing and stressful situations as challenges rather than threats. Those who pry more are also better communicators, more flexible and more open to the idea of new solutions. When there's a dilemma you or your partner are facing, pause and breathe before reacting and think of how the disagreement or a clash between the two of you could be the perfect opportunity to figure out a whole diverse approach to a lingering issue
6. Texting too much
Researchers at the University of North Carolina at Wilmington found that when couples communicate via text more often than in person or by phone calls, they were less satiated in their relationships, probably because constant-texters tend to be more avoidant of troubles or issues and more anxious. No need to ditch the love emoticons, but try to actually talk more throughout the day as opposed to texting a dozen times every hour
7. Over-thinking matters
You know how over analysing unnecessarily like "Are we there yet?" just makes your destination seem further away – in the same way, thoughts like "Are we close enough or are we attached enough or do we trust each other" might have a similar consequence on your partnership, making genuine understanding less likely. A 2013 study published in the journal Cognition & Emotion found that if you’re over-thinking and over scrutinising every little thing all the time about how well you’re doing as a couple or how much they adore you, you won't have the time to actually make an effort to gain that trust you actually want. Allow your experiences together and the feelings that arise from them clarify and unfold naturally and logically rather than forcing them.
But researchers have turned up with plenty of not-so-obvious aspects that can aid or impair a couple's level of bliss with each other. Turns out, putting your partner on a pedestal isn't always the best thing. As compiled by doctornerdlove.com and Good Housekeeping magazine, avoid these pitfalls and keep your bond going strong.
1.Having too much authority
It’s assumed that the partner whose not really “wearing the pants,” is more discontented in the relationship, but researchers discovered that the one who is in fact more influential over their partner is actually less fulfilled. Valuing and maintaining equality in relationships is imperative and both of you should be "calling the shots." If you always put back your opinion and avoid expressing your judgment to your other half while making joint decisions, start having your say more often; if you're the one who usually gets the final word, start taking turns.
2. Creating unreal expectations
Being prepared for the worst in a relationship clearly isn't healthy, but being overly positive can also backfire. A 2013 study found out that people whose hopes were too elevated as in “we will go out to dinner every weekend,” were more often disappointed in their first year of marriage than those with more practical expectations like “we will try to dine out every other weekend.” "No relationship is perfect, and holding highly optimistic specific expectations often leads to disappointment," says Lisa Neff, PhD, a professor at the University of Texas at Austin. Don't drain the affirmative attitude just keep your practical side in check.
3. Putting your partner on a pedestal
A new study found that being over-idealised by your partner doesn't make you all that ecstatic and content. Instead, you can end up feeling that your mate doesn't in reality perceive you for who you are – which is an individual with flaws. There's also additional pressure and a strain to live up to their expectations. Your partner viewing you through rose-tinted glasses could leave you feeling insecure. A little admiration goes a long way but don't exceed it too much. Make sure your appreciation is based on your mate's genuine strengths rather than wishful philosophy.
4. Not loving yourself
While it may sound shallow, the level of pride that you take in yourself – be it in your personality or appearance often reflects your intrinsic values and the outlook you have towards your relationship. Turns out, kindness towards yourself may be a more worthwhile focus. In a study published in the book Self and Identity, self-compassion was a stronger predictor of a positive relationship. Those who neglect to take care of themselves or are too harsh to themselves or have low self-esteem are essentially revealing a lack of drive for self-improvement, while also emphasising the fact that they are not prepared to make an effort for their partner. This can slowly shatter the foundations of a relationship
5. Not being nosy enough
Curiosity did kill the cat but it can work miraculously well for your relationship. Research published in the Journal of Personality shows that inquisitive people are more likely to observe taxing and stressful situations as challenges rather than threats. Those who pry more are also better communicators, more flexible and more open to the idea of new solutions. When there's a dilemma you or your partner are facing, pause and breathe before reacting and think of how the disagreement or a clash between the two of you could be the perfect opportunity to figure out a whole diverse approach to a lingering issue
6. Texting too much
Researchers at the University of North Carolina at Wilmington found that when couples communicate via text more often than in person or by phone calls, they were less satiated in their relationships, probably because constant-texters tend to be more avoidant of troubles or issues and more anxious. No need to ditch the love emoticons, but try to actually talk more throughout the day as opposed to texting a dozen times every hour
7. Over-thinking matters
You know how over analysing unnecessarily like "Are we there yet?" just makes your destination seem further away – in the same way, thoughts like "Are we close enough or are we attached enough or do we trust each other" might have a similar consequence on your partnership, making genuine understanding less likely. A 2013 study published in the journal Cognition & Emotion found that if you’re over-thinking and over scrutinising every little thing all the time about how well you’re doing as a couple or how much they adore you, you won't have the time to actually make an effort to gain that trust you actually want. Allow your experiences together and the feelings that arise from them clarify and unfold naturally and logically rather than forcing them.