Working women: Degree or destiny
Can a girl’s choice of career hamper her eligibility for marriage?
When 32-year-old investment banker Mehnaz Shah* first decided to study Accounting and Finance at the London School of Economics, she never suspected it would hinder her chances of getting married. “Much like everyone else, I was only 19 when I joined university,” she shares. “Being a young Londoner and studying a very challenging course — that too at a prestigious school like LSE — gave me little time to worry about my personal life. Of course, it was fun while it lasted but I have been atoning for my carefree attitude,” she adds.
Ten years later, Mehnaz is a successful officer at a top-tier bank in London, with a thriving social life to boot. Unfortunately, her personal life is still in shambles. “Apparently, I am ‘too successful’ for the average Pakistani man,” says Mehnaz. “Over the years, I have met with numerous prospective husbands, both in London and Pakistan. Some were nice, others not so much. Regardless, almost all of them were displeased with my choice of career, like female investment bankers are aliens or something!” Naturally, Mehnaz’s worried parents blame her demanding job for things not working out but she refuses to budge. “Yes, I want to marry and start a family but I don’t wish to give up my work for it,” she says. “I know I am capable of managing both a home and career. I just hope my next suitor realises that!”
As Mehnaz continues her quest for the ideal husband, she highlights a key issue that young women face all over the world: rejection for being too educated or too successful. Every year, hundreds of eligible women fall prey to the ideology that a thriving career is the antidote to a harmonious domestic life and therefore, find themselves at a loss when it comes to marriage prospects. “I think people don’t expect an ambitious girl to be equally ambitious about her domestic life,” explains 60-year-old housewife Sultana Habib.* “They think she might rebel or make her husband feel insecure and so, are wary of bringing her into their family.”
According to Dr Sumbal Nadeem, who works on school projects with the US Agency for International Developement (USAID), the problem stems from our deeply male-dominated society. “Education for boys is prioritised over girls,” she says. “The general perception is that a boy must be equipped to compete in the public arena while the girl must stay home and be a good wife or mother.” And sadly, any woman who shows signs of going against this perception is shunned by society. A Human Developement Report conducted by the United Nations Developement Program in 2011 lends credence to the poor state of female education in Pakistan, showing that approximately twice as many males receive secondary education here than females. Not to mention, girls who do end up attending school often have to deal with pressure to pick certain career paths — especially when it comes to marriage. “I had to fight my parents to get permission for what I do,” says 22-year-old communication designer Eesha Gul*, “I guess they were just concerned about my future.” There are also countless cases of girls having to discontinue their studies in favour of a decent rishta. Nasreen Qamar*, for instance, had been an architecture student at the Indus Valley School of Art and Architecture until she got engaged. “I didn’t mind the engagement until I found out that I would be shifting to Abu Dhabi with my husband,” shares Nasreen.
Things are no less confusing as one moves up the social ladder. Women now stand shoulder-to-shoulder with their male counterparts, enjoying equal success. Greater acceptance of female education and advances in the teaching industry have led to a large variety of course options for women to choose from, regardless of whether they intend to pursue it as a career or not. From media studies to nanotechnology, everything is available for women to study. But experiences like that of Mehnaz indicate that there are still some preferences when it comes to choosing a spouse. “My colleagues are very specific about the careers their bahus might belong to,” shares housewife Hameeda Peracha.* “They ask for doctors usually. Some even go for engineers. These preferences may be eroding away gradually but they still matter a lot.” As a result, many young women like medical student Sumayya Altaf* pick a degree that they feel will attract most suitors. “My parents have not raised my sisters and me to be particularly career-oriented but they knew the demand for a ‘doctor larki’ in the marriage market never goes down,” explains Sumayya. “The decision to join medical school was primarily based on that.”
On the other end of the spectrum, there is considerable evidence which suggests that gender-based disparities in education and literacy may not be as bad as it seems. For instance, the Gender Parity Index for Basic Education Students by Level of Education, issues by the Ministry of Education in 2006, showed a ratio of exactly 1.00 for higher secondary education in rural areas of the country. This implies that at university level, there are as many female students and males. Another interesting fact to note is that the achievement level of female students in Pakistan exceeds that of male students year after year. “Girls generally outclass boys in school exams. They are high achievers during university as well,” says Sumeira, a student counsellor at Ghulam Ishaq Khan Institute of Engineering Sciences and Technology.
Tehmina Qamar*, who runs one of Karachi’s leading marriage bureaus, is of a different opinion. To Tehmina, the degree held by both a potential bride and groom is nothing but status symbols that depend on the personality and background of the expectant groom. “Every client has his/her own criteria,” explains Tehmina. “Yes, the demand for girls studying medicine remains the highest but some boys ask for MBA-holders who will help them run the house. Others don’t even ask if a girl has studied anything at all!” Of course, Tehmina keeps a firm check on her clients to ensure the quality of the services she is providing. “In my experience, most families allow their girls to work now. The bahu may be asked to quit in certain situations only, such as post childbirth.”
The question that remains unanswered is just how much weightage ought to be given to the degrees of the prospective bride and groom within an arranged marriage setup. Granted the level of education and career prospects matter for the overall well-being of the couple but is it not wrong to judge a girl based solely on her degree? “Personally, I believe there is much more to a person than what they study or work as,” says Sultana. “My own bahu was one of my son’s classmates. I must admit even I was apprehensive about having a chemical engineer come into my home. Thankfully, I was proved wrong.”
Sultana’s husband Kamran agrees. “What is important is that both the boy and girl are good people and remain committed to one another,” he says. “That is what will carry the marriage on — not the courses they took in college!” Times are definetly changing but Pakistanis by and large still have a long way to go in terms of female education and empowerment.
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
According to an article published in Forbes magazine, following were the top five best-paying jobs for women last year.
1. Pharmacists — $1,871 per week
2. Chief Executives — $1,730 per week
3. Lawyers — $1,636 per week
4. Nurse Practitioners — $1,530 per week
5. Computer and Information Systems Managers
— $1,527 per week
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
The new 50:50 quota for male and female students in local medical schools
Earlier last month, the Pakistan Medical and Dental Council (PMDC) abolished its age-old merit-based admission policy for local medical schools. It has, instead, adopted a 50:50 quota rule to ensure equal representation for both male and female students, reserving 50% of the seats for each gender. This was done as an attempt to counter the growing trend of girls acquiring medical education but leaving the profession soon after graduation or not entering it at all. The new rule will be put in effect from the 2014-2015 academic year. It is also hoped that the rule will encourage more males to become doctors so that they may be appointed to rural areas of Pakistan where female doctors often find it difficult to work.
Published in The Express Tribune, Ms T, October 26th, 2014.
Ten years later, Mehnaz is a successful officer at a top-tier bank in London, with a thriving social life to boot. Unfortunately, her personal life is still in shambles. “Apparently, I am ‘too successful’ for the average Pakistani man,” says Mehnaz. “Over the years, I have met with numerous prospective husbands, both in London and Pakistan. Some were nice, others not so much. Regardless, almost all of them were displeased with my choice of career, like female investment bankers are aliens or something!” Naturally, Mehnaz’s worried parents blame her demanding job for things not working out but she refuses to budge. “Yes, I want to marry and start a family but I don’t wish to give up my work for it,” she says. “I know I am capable of managing both a home and career. I just hope my next suitor realises that!”
As Mehnaz continues her quest for the ideal husband, she highlights a key issue that young women face all over the world: rejection for being too educated or too successful. Every year, hundreds of eligible women fall prey to the ideology that a thriving career is the antidote to a harmonious domestic life and therefore, find themselves at a loss when it comes to marriage prospects. “I think people don’t expect an ambitious girl to be equally ambitious about her domestic life,” explains 60-year-old housewife Sultana Habib.* “They think she might rebel or make her husband feel insecure and so, are wary of bringing her into their family.”
According to Dr Sumbal Nadeem, who works on school projects with the US Agency for International Developement (USAID), the problem stems from our deeply male-dominated society. “Education for boys is prioritised over girls,” she says. “The general perception is that a boy must be equipped to compete in the public arena while the girl must stay home and be a good wife or mother.” And sadly, any woman who shows signs of going against this perception is shunned by society. A Human Developement Report conducted by the United Nations Developement Program in 2011 lends credence to the poor state of female education in Pakistan, showing that approximately twice as many males receive secondary education here than females. Not to mention, girls who do end up attending school often have to deal with pressure to pick certain career paths — especially when it comes to marriage. “I had to fight my parents to get permission for what I do,” says 22-year-old communication designer Eesha Gul*, “I guess they were just concerned about my future.” There are also countless cases of girls having to discontinue their studies in favour of a decent rishta. Nasreen Qamar*, for instance, had been an architecture student at the Indus Valley School of Art and Architecture until she got engaged. “I didn’t mind the engagement until I found out that I would be shifting to Abu Dhabi with my husband,” shares Nasreen.
Things are no less confusing as one moves up the social ladder. Women now stand shoulder-to-shoulder with their male counterparts, enjoying equal success. Greater acceptance of female education and advances in the teaching industry have led to a large variety of course options for women to choose from, regardless of whether they intend to pursue it as a career or not. From media studies to nanotechnology, everything is available for women to study. But experiences like that of Mehnaz indicate that there are still some preferences when it comes to choosing a spouse. “My colleagues are very specific about the careers their bahus might belong to,” shares housewife Hameeda Peracha.* “They ask for doctors usually. Some even go for engineers. These preferences may be eroding away gradually but they still matter a lot.” As a result, many young women like medical student Sumayya Altaf* pick a degree that they feel will attract most suitors. “My parents have not raised my sisters and me to be particularly career-oriented but they knew the demand for a ‘doctor larki’ in the marriage market never goes down,” explains Sumayya. “The decision to join medical school was primarily based on that.”
On the other end of the spectrum, there is considerable evidence which suggests that gender-based disparities in education and literacy may not be as bad as it seems. For instance, the Gender Parity Index for Basic Education Students by Level of Education, issues by the Ministry of Education in 2006, showed a ratio of exactly 1.00 for higher secondary education in rural areas of the country. This implies that at university level, there are as many female students and males. Another interesting fact to note is that the achievement level of female students in Pakistan exceeds that of male students year after year. “Girls generally outclass boys in school exams. They are high achievers during university as well,” says Sumeira, a student counsellor at Ghulam Ishaq Khan Institute of Engineering Sciences and Technology.
Tehmina Qamar*, who runs one of Karachi’s leading marriage bureaus, is of a different opinion. To Tehmina, the degree held by both a potential bride and groom is nothing but status symbols that depend on the personality and background of the expectant groom. “Every client has his/her own criteria,” explains Tehmina. “Yes, the demand for girls studying medicine remains the highest but some boys ask for MBA-holders who will help them run the house. Others don’t even ask if a girl has studied anything at all!” Of course, Tehmina keeps a firm check on her clients to ensure the quality of the services she is providing. “In my experience, most families allow their girls to work now. The bahu may be asked to quit in certain situations only, such as post childbirth.”
The question that remains unanswered is just how much weightage ought to be given to the degrees of the prospective bride and groom within an arranged marriage setup. Granted the level of education and career prospects matter for the overall well-being of the couple but is it not wrong to judge a girl based solely on her degree? “Personally, I believe there is much more to a person than what they study or work as,” says Sultana. “My own bahu was one of my son’s classmates. I must admit even I was apprehensive about having a chemical engineer come into my home. Thankfully, I was proved wrong.”
Sultana’s husband Kamran agrees. “What is important is that both the boy and girl are good people and remain committed to one another,” he says. “That is what will carry the marriage on — not the courses they took in college!” Times are definetly changing but Pakistanis by and large still have a long way to go in terms of female education and empowerment.
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
According to an article published in Forbes magazine, following were the top five best-paying jobs for women last year.
1. Pharmacists — $1,871 per week
2. Chief Executives — $1,730 per week
3. Lawyers — $1,636 per week
4. Nurse Practitioners — $1,530 per week
5. Computer and Information Systems Managers
— $1,527 per week
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
The new 50:50 quota for male and female students in local medical schools
Earlier last month, the Pakistan Medical and Dental Council (PMDC) abolished its age-old merit-based admission policy for local medical schools. It has, instead, adopted a 50:50 quota rule to ensure equal representation for both male and female students, reserving 50% of the seats for each gender. This was done as an attempt to counter the growing trend of girls acquiring medical education but leaving the profession soon after graduation or not entering it at all. The new rule will be put in effect from the 2014-2015 academic year. It is also hoped that the rule will encourage more males to become doctors so that they may be appointed to rural areas of Pakistan where female doctors often find it difficult to work.
Published in The Express Tribune, Ms T, October 26th, 2014.