The happy diaries

Does happiness really wane as women age?

Ask any woman about ageing and she probably won’t respond in the same vein as Cameron Diaz does, every time she is probed about being in her forties. “It’s the best age,” the 42-year-old actress recently told Esquire Magazine. “That’s when a woman knows how to work things or she doesn’t care about that anymore. You just stop being afraid!”

Unfortunately, women around the world don’t share the same enthusiasm as Diaz, and associate ageing with deteriorating health, psychosocial problems and fading beauty. For most of us, ageing is a long, arduous decline from sunny mountain peaks towards the valley of death — something to be dreaded and delayed as much as possible. We obsess over the faintest wrinkles, indulge in gruelling diets and buy expensive anti-ageing products — all in the hope to hinder, if not reverse, the natural process of growing old. What remains unclear, however, is exactly why we are so terrified of something so inevitable. “Our perception of old age is very dark,” explains 60-year-old homemaker Sultana Habib. “We believe the older we get, the less happy we will be. For me, it was always the idea of being unhappy that made me fear old age. ”

Although Sultana admits that she doesn’t feel unhappy, despite having become a grandmother, her experience implies that a woman’s happiness is inversely proportional to how old she is — or at least, so she might think. It leads us to question whether there is any legitimacy to this fear women suffer from. Is there really some sort of natural trajectory of happiness across the female lifespan and if yes, then when exactly are women their happiest?

A woman within this age bracket has figured out her body image. And with ample time to invest in her personal and professional growth, the 20-something enjoys an active, flexible life without having to worry about keeping house or raising children.

However, as a woman gradually progresses towards her thirties, she can no longer live as voraciously as she used to and her happiness often takes a U-turn. By this time, she has settled into her career, found a partner and is contemplating having a family. The constant pressure to balance domestic and professional life takes a toll on many a 30-something woman, as explained by 35-year-old banker Farheen Anwar. “My boss takes up all my time during the day and my nights belong to my husband and daughters completely,” she shares. “I wouldn’t say I am unhappy but I am definitely exhausted all the time. It often makes me grouchy and I end up frustrated with everyone and everything.”



The thirties era can, therefore, be very tiring as the average woman has a great deal on her plate. In fact, according to popular British nutritionist and well-being expert Amanda Hamilton, this decade is the worst. “It is interesting to note how women can go from the happiest, most carefree time of their lives to the most stressful one in just under a decade,” she says. Farheen lends credence to Amanda’s assertion by sharing her inner-most fears as a woman of her age. “I am perpetually in a state of worry,” she confesses. “I worry about everything from my husband’s job to not having enough money for my daughters and even the maid cleaning my house!”

There is, however, a flipside to the coin. For some women, the twenties can arguably be worse due to the pressures of finding the right partner, maintaining an attractive appearance and establishing a career for financial stability. “It all depends on a person’s priorities and personality,” explains 24-year-old aspiring doctor Maleeha Khan. “Right now, my main source of worry is landing a house job for myself. On the other hand, some of my colleagues are looking to get married.” The latter also places a great strain on young women who often find themselves under the scrutiny of prospective in-laws, trying to impress them. “I can’t wait until we grow out of this stage,” says Maleeha. “There is so much work we must do to make our mark that we get drained emotionally, regardless of what our aspirations may be.”



Perhaps it’s for this reason that a woman begins to feel more self-assured, independent and liberated upon reaching the later half of her life. “By my 40s, my children were older and my husband and I had saved enough for their education and marriage,” shares Sultana. “Overall, I think I was calmer then than ever before. I had more time to myself. I exercised regularly and felt healthy too.”

Ideally, the average woman has, by now, ticked off some major goals and settled into her personal and professional state completely. Not only has she learnt from her mistakes and honed her knowledge of the world, she also possesses the resources to deal with any adversity life may throw her way. She is free from apprehension and familial or societal constraints she might have had to adhere to previously.

A lifestyle study conducted by Chicago-based consulting think tank, the TrendSight Group, also states that women are happiest during the ‘second adulthood’ phase of life: the 50s to 70s. This was furthered by research undertaken by Dr Saverio Stranges at the University of Warwick which studied 10,000 participants across the UK and US and found that people had better mental quality of life as they grew older. “We suggest that this could be due to better coping abilities, an interpretation supported by previous research showing older people tend to have internal mechanisms to deal better with hardship or negative circumstances than those who are younger,” said Saverio about his study. He also cited lowered expectations from life as a contributing factor since older people feel less pressure in both personal and professional spheres. This phenomenon has led to the coining of the term ‘PrimeTime Women’ by Marti Barletta, founder of the TrendSight Group, for women who feel at their peak during their latter years.

Of course, the evidence provides merely an estimate of findings. In actuality, it is very difficult to determine something as subjective as the level of happiness one feels, for it depends on the personality and mental health of the subject. Not to mention, happiness is directly affected by the individual experiences one might have had in their lifetime.

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According to renowned British newspaper, The Daily Mail, the ripe age of female contentment falls around the mid-twenties as this is when women generally embark on exciting new journeys like careers, marriage and motherhood. The results — derived from a study of over 2,000 women — depicted lower stress levels around the age of 25 as this is when women are most satisfied with themselves — mind, body and soul.

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Unexpected things that can make you feel happier and calmer

• Hate the queasy feeling of butterflies in your tummy? Dont! Research from the University of Rochester has proved that racing of your pulse, outbreak of sweat and nervous stomach are actually nature’s way of carrying oxygen to your brain in times of stress and anxiety. This helps us overcome the shock and perform better under pressure.

• According to a study conducted at the Harvard Business School, the more work you have to do, the more likely you are to have control over yourself and your emotions. This results in a great moral boost and lower stress so that you can continue toiling away.

• When the human body has too much going on, it tends to breathe in a steady, rhythmic fashion. When we sigh out of stress or exhaustion, we actually open air sacs inside us that have stiffened due to frustration or disappointment. Keeping this in mind, we can safely say that softly breathing in and out can actually relieve you of your stress.

• The death of a loved one is considered to be the worst inducer of anxiety but the experience can also make one more compassionate and peaceful in life as it reminds us of mortality and encourages us to appreciate the good in our lives.

SOURCE: OPRAH.COM

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 - 20’s During her twenties a woman is the most happiest and active. She has no responsiblities or commitments to worry about. She has enough time to invest in both her personal and professional life by making the best decisions.

  - 30’s In her thirties, a woman is faced with a lot of issues to worry about, from taking care of her family to giving her 100% at work. During this period, she finds herself trapped in a constant struggle between her professional and personal life, which ends up draining her.

 - 40’s A woman is independent and self-assured in her forties. A period where she is content with life has less on her plate to worry about and more time for herself.

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Embrace yourself with Cameron Diaz

We all love the beautiful Cameron Diaz for her acting prowess but did you know she is now a published author as well? In December 2013, the Hollywood diva released her first book entitled The Body Book: The Law of Hunger, the Science of Strength and Other Way to Love Your Amazing Body. Now a New York Times bestseller, the book educates women on how to feed, move and care for their bodies and lead a strong, healthy life.  Cameron shares some of her own real-life experiences about nutrition and exercise and encourages women to love themselves, regardless of their shape and size.

Published in The Express Tribune, Ms T, October 19^th, 2014.