Taking responsibility
We need to stop blaming others and take responsibility for our own happiness, our successes and for our failures.
The writer is an actor, an anchor and a model. She is currently the host of ‘Morning with Juggun’ on PTV Home and can be reached via twitter @JuggunKazim
Have you ever noticed that every time something in life doesn’t quite go our way, we tend to make excuses? It’s either because of some childhood trauma, or someone else’s jealousy or just generally because the whole world is conspiring against us.
The reality, however, is that the fault normally lies within ourselves, not in our stars. It’s just so much easier to place the blame elsewhere.
As a nation, we Pakistanis are particularly good at placing the blame elsewhere. Historically, we blame the British for everything that went wrong all the way until Partition. And since Partition, everything that has gone wrong is the fault of “foreign hands”!
I am no expert on politics. But wouldn’t it be nice if, just for once, instead of blaming RAW, Mossad, the CIA and the shifty looking doodhwala, we could simply accept that we have made mistakes? Even if the world is conspiring against us, the focus must be on what we are doing to combat those conspiracies. Why aren’t we looking at what WE are doing wrong?
We have the same problem when it comes to our personal lives. Everything wrong with us is our parents’ fault, never ours.
Let us assume that you are indeed messed up because of what your parents did. So what? They messed up because unfortunately, they were human too and because kids didn’t come with a “how to raise them” manual.
But, now that you are aware of this fact, what are you doing to fix it? And if you aren’t doing anything besides whining, then the real question is why not?
Like my therapist says, acceptance is the first step towards recovery with which 50 per cent of the problem is solved. But then without further action, there is really no point to acceptance.
Just before the Second World War, the British government printed and put up big red and white posters saying “Keep Calm and Carry On”. Since then, the poster has become a classic. You can now buy not only copies of the original, but also desi variations like “Keep Calm and Eat Aam” or “We’re Pakistani: we don’t keep calm!”
In any event, the reason that poster remains such a well-loved classic is because it expresses a basic truth. Panic doesn’t help. If life looks threatening, don’t complain.
When I was getting married, my husband-to-be and I had planned a musical evening where a well-known singer was going to perform. Two days before the actual event, it turned out that there had been some miscommunication and the singer was unavailable. I went into shock!
God bless my sensible husband. He reminded me that people were coming to celebrate our marriage, not for the entertainment. I can’t speak for the guests, but at least as far as my husband and I were concerned, the evening was a fabulous success.
The point here is that perception plays a vital role in life. It is our choice whether we want to see the glass as half-empty or half-full.
Whether at a personal level or at a national level, we need to stop blaming others and take responsibility for our own happiness, our successes and most importantly, for our failures. We all make mistakes, but blaming others only allows us to accept whatever is wrong with our lives by assuming that it is out of our control. Taking responsibility is difficult because it forces us to confront our limitations. But taking responsibility is the only way to make our lives better. As Barack Obama once said, “We are the change we have been waiting for.”
Published in The Express Tribune, March 31st, 2014.
The reality, however, is that the fault normally lies within ourselves, not in our stars. It’s just so much easier to place the blame elsewhere.
As a nation, we Pakistanis are particularly good at placing the blame elsewhere. Historically, we blame the British for everything that went wrong all the way until Partition. And since Partition, everything that has gone wrong is the fault of “foreign hands”!
I am no expert on politics. But wouldn’t it be nice if, just for once, instead of blaming RAW, Mossad, the CIA and the shifty looking doodhwala, we could simply accept that we have made mistakes? Even if the world is conspiring against us, the focus must be on what we are doing to combat those conspiracies. Why aren’t we looking at what WE are doing wrong?
We have the same problem when it comes to our personal lives. Everything wrong with us is our parents’ fault, never ours.
Let us assume that you are indeed messed up because of what your parents did. So what? They messed up because unfortunately, they were human too and because kids didn’t come with a “how to raise them” manual.
But, now that you are aware of this fact, what are you doing to fix it? And if you aren’t doing anything besides whining, then the real question is why not?
Like my therapist says, acceptance is the first step towards recovery with which 50 per cent of the problem is solved. But then without further action, there is really no point to acceptance.
Just before the Second World War, the British government printed and put up big red and white posters saying “Keep Calm and Carry On”. Since then, the poster has become a classic. You can now buy not only copies of the original, but also desi variations like “Keep Calm and Eat Aam” or “We’re Pakistani: we don’t keep calm!”
In any event, the reason that poster remains such a well-loved classic is because it expresses a basic truth. Panic doesn’t help. If life looks threatening, don’t complain.
When I was getting married, my husband-to-be and I had planned a musical evening where a well-known singer was going to perform. Two days before the actual event, it turned out that there had been some miscommunication and the singer was unavailable. I went into shock!
God bless my sensible husband. He reminded me that people were coming to celebrate our marriage, not for the entertainment. I can’t speak for the guests, but at least as far as my husband and I were concerned, the evening was a fabulous success.
The point here is that perception plays a vital role in life. It is our choice whether we want to see the glass as half-empty or half-full.
Whether at a personal level or at a national level, we need to stop blaming others and take responsibility for our own happiness, our successes and most importantly, for our failures. We all make mistakes, but blaming others only allows us to accept whatever is wrong with our lives by assuming that it is out of our control. Taking responsibility is difficult because it forces us to confront our limitations. But taking responsibility is the only way to make our lives better. As Barack Obama once said, “We are the change we have been waiting for.”
Published in The Express Tribune, March 31st, 2014.