The crucial first year of marriage
It’s crucial to see how things are going and then you can think of starting a family together.
Getting married is synonymous to moving to a foreign country. You may have prepared as best as possible to make the required adjustments, but your husband and you, including your in-laws, may not always end up speaking the same language.
This ‘culture shock’ needs time to mould itself into a stable relationship even if you have been with the man for years before getting married or the same applies to arranged marriages.
Having spoken to several people, who are currently in their first year of marriage or have just crossed the mark, I found them discussing a contrasting number of emotions: overwhelmed, scared, lonely, frustrated, content, inept, irritated, confused, happy, grateful, excited, disappointed, trapped and angry.
“It is difficult to live with someone day in and day out, adjusting to their habits and mood swings,” said one of the women.
Another one stated: “It’s like a honeymoon phase with minor hindrances, but you just need to maintain your calm and it comes naturally later. I have felt like I just got so angry, I needed to escape, but then you look at the bigger picture and tell yourself ‘I’m going to be okay’.”
The first year of marriage may not always be a walk in the park, but it is a great learning experience. To be a wife for the first time, to have someone rely on you to keep them going every day — these are all proud moments. The idea is that you have someone to share your life with, someone who will have your back and lean on you during tough times, while the two of you also enjoy each other’s happy moments.
However, there are some important tips for newly-weds. Firstly, do not take things for granted. Make time to go on dates to keep the spark and affection alive. Keep conversations going instead of having abrupt talks. Give and take. Live and let live. Do not imprison each other, instead, discuss and come to conclusions to any problems that may arise.
Lastly, and some may disagree, do not bring a new life into the world just after the first year. It’s crucial to stabilise your relationship first, see how things are going and then you can think of starting a family together.
Published in The Express Tribune, January 13th, 2014.
This ‘culture shock’ needs time to mould itself into a stable relationship even if you have been with the man for years before getting married or the same applies to arranged marriages.
Having spoken to several people, who are currently in their first year of marriage or have just crossed the mark, I found them discussing a contrasting number of emotions: overwhelmed, scared, lonely, frustrated, content, inept, irritated, confused, happy, grateful, excited, disappointed, trapped and angry.
“It is difficult to live with someone day in and day out, adjusting to their habits and mood swings,” said one of the women.
Another one stated: “It’s like a honeymoon phase with minor hindrances, but you just need to maintain your calm and it comes naturally later. I have felt like I just got so angry, I needed to escape, but then you look at the bigger picture and tell yourself ‘I’m going to be okay’.”
The first year of marriage may not always be a walk in the park, but it is a great learning experience. To be a wife for the first time, to have someone rely on you to keep them going every day — these are all proud moments. The idea is that you have someone to share your life with, someone who will have your back and lean on you during tough times, while the two of you also enjoy each other’s happy moments.
However, there are some important tips for newly-weds. Firstly, do not take things for granted. Make time to go on dates to keep the spark and affection alive. Keep conversations going instead of having abrupt talks. Give and take. Live and let live. Do not imprison each other, instead, discuss and come to conclusions to any problems that may arise.
Lastly, and some may disagree, do not bring a new life into the world just after the first year. It’s crucial to stabilise your relationship first, see how things are going and then you can think of starting a family together.
Published in The Express Tribune, January 13th, 2014.