Pakistan in my iPod

Love propaganda of Bollywood is an impediment in the way of finding realistic solutions to India-Pakistan conflict.

I gather there is a possibility that ‘Indian’ films may not be screened in Pakistani cinemas anymore. A part of me wants to welcome the idea. This will be good for many reasons.

Firstly, big bad capitalists were building multiplexes all over Lahore and Karachi, and this was really hurting the common man’s right to buy and sell pirated DVDs. Between David and Goliath, who would you choose?

Secondly, as I wrote on this column last week, Bollywood is shit. While it takes a lot of courage in India to say that Bollywood is shit, some of my Pakistani friends are crazier about Bollywood than anybody I know in Delhi. The move not to screen Bollywood will help Pakistanis better appreciate that Bollywood is shit.

Thirdly, it has always caused me anxiety that Pakistanis, who don’t get to visit India, judge this country through Bollywood films. And worse, saas-bahu serials. I see no reason why Pakistanis should be exposed to cultural propaganda about Hindu-Muslim relations in secular India in a film like Ranjhanaa, or even worse, cultural propaganda about how Hindu mothers-in-law treat their daughters-in-law. Preventing Pakistanis from seeing Indian cultural propaganda is thus good for India’s image in Pakistan. This way, Pakistanis would realise India is only about Sachin Tendulkar, and generally, a better cricket team. Lack of exposure to Indian cultural propaganda will prevent Pakistanis from seeing Indians as a people and judge it only as a ‘country’ through news events that can be better managed by giving them spin.

Fourthly, there is too much love in Bollywood movies. They are always about good-looking people falling in love, singing and dancing. The real world is full of not-so-good-looking people with real conflicts. The love propaganda of Bollywood is an impediment in the way of finding realistic solutions to the India-Pakistan conflict. How can Pakistan help secure freedom for Indian Kashmir and make it part of Pakistani Kashmir if Pakistanis are going to watch Shahrukh Khan shake a leg in Chennai? Where is Chennai anyway? Is it in Kashmir?

Another reason why I welcome the move to ban screenings of not just Indian but all foreign films in Pakistan is sovereignty. Films are like drones. Just as the drone of any random country can’t drop bombs on another country at will, so with films. Countries should allow film screenings on the basis of bilateral agreements for which Pakistan and India should begin the Track Three process. Veena Malik can represent India and Meenu Gaur, co-director of the Lollywood film Zinda Bhaag, can represent Pakistan.

India already does not allow Pakistani television channels to be broadcast here, just as Pakistan does not officially allow Indian channels. I am told some non-state actors still broadcast Indian channels on Pakistani television sets and we can’t blame the state for it. Ways must be found to resolve this imbalance. However, if resolving the imbalance means that Pakistani television channels will start broadcasting in India, that is a matter of concern for Indians. Can we really allow Indian notions of love to be affected by such corruptions as Turkish family dramas dubbed in a strange version of Urdu?

There are more areas of imbalance that the Cultural Track Three must address over Murree chai. Why should Pakistanis act and sing in Bollywood if Indians can’t sing in Coke Studio? How can we allow the Pakistani Coke Studio to be so much better than the Indian Coke Studio? Indeed, India must follow Pakistan’s example and ban YouTube to save us from Rohail Hyatt. In India’s cafes and parties these days, you hear Pakistani musical propaganda all the time. This has really hurt the prospects of talented Indian singers like Abhijit Sawant.

Indians have long been indoctrinated with Pakistani cultural propaganda, from “Dhoop Kinaray” to “Bakra Qiston Pe” to Faiz and Iqbal Bano and Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan. Cultural infiltration from Pakistan is a threat to peace and stability in India, but I agree that Pakistan is itself the biggest victim of cultural imperialism.

Published in The Express Tribune, December 13^th, 2013.

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