Deal with it

Whenever you ask anyone what they want in life, the answer is ultimately simple — to be happy. For many people, the path to happiness is through a standard set of achievements like a solid career, a good marriage, a nice house, brilliant kids and good friends.

The fact is that life is tough. You have to work hard in school to get good grades. Then you work like a dog to land a good job. Then you work hard to keep that job and move up the ladder of success. In the meantime, you find — or try to find — Mr or Miss Right, get married and then work hard every day to keep that marriage alive. But in the case of many people, their minds tend to resist their desire for success, even while they are simultaneously struggling to make life work.

I remember meeting a guy called Alex at a coffee shop called Balzacs in Toronto. Alex was a brooding, quiet person who would sit at the exact same table every single day and read book after book about acting and the various methods of acting.

Since I was both a struggling actor and a bit of a nosy parker, one day I went on over and asked him who his acting agent was. He replied he was his own agent. I asked which actors’ websites he was on and he said he didn’t believe in advertising himself on websites. Finally, I asked him about his recent work and he said nothing. He was waiting for his big break. I smiled and silently walked away.

It hit me then: he was waiting around for life to happen to him. He sat at the coffee shop every day, probably living off welfare or his family, but he wasn’t going out in the real world and making something of himself.

How many of us actually do this to ourselves? My guess is quite a few. You see, not only do we have a fear of failure but we also have a fear of success. Yup, you heard me: we fear success because we naturally hate change. And it is this fear of the unknown that is the undoing of many potentially successful people.

I agree that school might not be easy, your boss might be a horrible person and your mother-in-law, the spawn of Satan. But does that mean that you sit back and let life pass you by? The answer is, ‘no’.

When you become open to the idea that you are responsible for your life and that you have choices, you will find that you are no longer stuck just because life is tough

There is a famous (and famously rude) saying: “When shit hits the fan, some people run and some people stand.” Standing under a shower of shit may not seem like an appetising prospect, but the point behind the saying is simple. Everybody goes through tough times. What separates the winners from the losers is how they respond to adversity. Running away is always an option. But that is why we make such a big deal about people who have the grit to carry on. So, stop waiting for your big break to find you and stop moaning about all the bad things that have happened to you. Go out there and make your destiny!

Published in The Express Tribune, October 14^th, 2013.

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