The writer is senior sub-editor at The Express Tribune
On the other side of the border, the green fields and presence of cattle make you feel like you never left Pakistan. But the sudden emergence of industry, products and commerce command your attention. Posters and hoardings of Vodafone, Fair and Lovely and Thums Up stand proud even amidst shanty towns and roadside dhabas. After stretches of huts and dilapidated one-storey homes, an impressive-looking building with a hilarious sign reading “Lovely Professional University” will tickle you, smack out of nowhere, as if screaming ‘Welcome to Shining India’.
There were many more surprises still. Rumours awaited us in Chandigarh. As exciting as it was for the city to be home to a colourful cross-border wedding, the Indian media couldn’t help but spread gossip that the Pakistani bride is the daughter of Chief Minister Shahbaz Sharif. The paparazzi chased her into elevators and the tabloids had a field day posting about it online. Some guests from our wedding party, too, got calls from curious quarters, wondering if the bride really is Nawaz Sharif’s niece. Thankfully, her in-laws issued a statement denying the rumour and the shaadi gossip in India was, once again, restricted to whether or not the young Pakistani girls attending were good-looking and how old the bride is etc. The gossip in Pakistan, however, centred on whether or not the boy had converted. He clarified that he had.
The surprises and gossip didn't spare the Chandigarh Press Club, billed as one of the best in Asia, where I had accepted an invitation for lunch. Inside one of the meeting rooms, much to my confusion, a ‘press conference’ had been organised. At a long desk with about 10 chairs, I took the seat left vacant for me at the head of the table as about a dozen other journalists squeezed in.
A rapid fire round had started.
“Do you call Pakistan a democracy? How can it be a true democracy if heads of state have to go into self-exile when their tenures end? Pakistan’s media is absolutely free — yes or no? Why is it that every time Nawaz Sharif comes into power, skirmishes crop up at the LoC?”
One after the other, reporters from daily English, Hindi and Punjabi newspapers and local TV channels bombarded me with questions I struggled to answer. I reminded them that I am not an authority or representative of any organisation except my newspaper and that their questions would be better addressed by a government or military spokesperson. One kind journalist stood up for me, clarified that questions should be restricted to Life & Style (the section I head at ET) and my impressions of Chandigarh. So they eased up and asked: “Who is your favourite actor in India and Pakistan? Is Pakistan a safe place for a female journalist? If you don’t mind me asking, how old are you?”
Their aggressive curiosity caught me off-guard at times, but I kept telling myself that it is a typically desi trait. Apart from being a race who loves to mind others’ businesses more than our own (and that goes for Indians and Pakistanis), as journalists they were just looking for a khabr (which did appear the next day in the Indian Express and Daily Post, with a photo and everything).
During my six days in India (I later also went to Delhi for a short trip), I met people who gave me varying versions of reality. Some vociferously defended the “absolutely independent” Indian media, while others in smaller, informal groups talked openly about censorship and the complications with advertisers. Few said the focus on rape in India was exploited by the media, while some insisted Delhi was not safe for a single woman venturing out at night. With more open-minded journalists in both Chandigarh and Delhi, the conversations did not shy away from discussing self-censorship in media, or corrupt practices within the government and police on both sides. It was possible to laugh at ourselves and the misgivings regarding those in power.
But I was also amazed to meet the optimistic protectors of the Eat Pray Love version of India. Maybe the shock was warranted, since I come from the land where we are the first to criticise ourselves – a place where there is generally plenty of gloom and doom to rant about. It made me wonder what description of Pakistan we would present to a visiting, probing Indian. Some of it began to make sense – Why promote an imperfect India when you have the beautiful, Bollywood version, complete with the silks, spices, thriving middle class and Mahindras?
Published in The Express Tribune, September 21st, 2013.
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COMMENTS (64)
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@Rakib: so here too the man converted. How is it any less legal. The only issue is that on both the cases the people who they married we're not 'people f the book' before they converted.
In any case I am unite shocked that you seem to think that a marriage between a Hondu and Muslim is not legal and would be considered adultery.looks like you want all benefits of living in a secular country without following laws of hat country.
@Np: "What about a Muslim man and Parsi woman or his Muslim daughter who marries a parsee man – both adulterers?...... couple will live in India so no harm will come to them. there is no reason for anyone to convert..."
The Muslim man you are referring to married the Parsi woman after she converted to Islam That was legal. The daughter who went against his wishes got married to a Parsi-born but converted Christian, who in last years of life reverted to Zoroastrianism. Under the British law the second marriage was illegal. As per Indira Gandhi's biographer Katherine Frank, under British civil law people of different faiths could not marry unless they renounced their respective faiths. (That is, if one of them did not convert to the other's religion). Indira & Feroze marriage was illegal since conversion or renunciation was out of question for them.. Since Hindu marriage ceremony does not specifically demand affirmation of religious beliefs the marriage was per Hindu rites but they were not legal under then prevalent British, Hindu, Zoroastrian laws. Indira G. didn't care, of course. Since mid-1950s the situation has changed. However, religious piety (or bigotry) apart there is only one practical reason to convert: Inheritance. If Sharmila Tagore hadn't converted her children would have lost out. She would have been relatively a poor widow considering her personal wealth wouldn't have been much unlike that of her latest daughter-in-law. And her son Saif & daughters would have had no position in the ancestral Estate even if Pataudi had willed it otherwise. Matrimony is fine but matter of money too needs to be ensured...
what a great piece of journalism
@zaman: The insistence of Muslims that their non-Muslim partner convert to Islam (as evidenced even in the case of the boy in this story) for one. The most liberal Muslim will marry her/his partner without conversion, but will still insist that the children be brought up as Muslims. Hope that answers your question.
I visited India back in 2008 for performing at one of the inter-university drama competition in Bangalore. All I remember is poverty, dirtyness, bad-smelling people and extremely bad quality roads. P.S. I come from a poor rural area of Punjab, but still India is a complete failure in terms of cleanliness !
@Pakistani:
Do you realise the tragic irony of your statement on the day when people blew up a church and it is so blase' that you guys have now come to accept it as a normal course of life?
@Kamran Ahmad Kami:
What about a Muslim man and Parsi woman or his Muslim daughter who marries a parsee man - both adulterers? Did you just realize t hat has been happening in India for a long while. Oth Muslim men and Indu women as well as r everse. In my own family I have a cousin whose wife is Muslim. But even in public sphere there are so many such instances and no religious organizations comlain. Examples of Muslim men and Hindu women- Shah Rukh Khan, Saif Ali Khan, Amir Khan, Mansoor Ali Khan Pataudi, Azaruddin,, Naseeruddin Shah, Imran Khan. Examples of Hindu men who married Musli women : Sunil Dutt, Kishore Kumar, Hrithik Roshan, Shahid Kapur and Imran Khan's Dads, Atul Agniotri (married to. Salman Khan's sister Albira). With groom in India, there is going to be no fuss on this issue.
The author and Pakistani press claims that he will convert but that has not been reported I Indian press and he couple will live in India so no harm will come to them. there is no reason for anyone to convert. Each can respect the other's religion.
Come on peeps live and let live. Dear author, Chandigarh is a lovely city, please visit sector 24 or 22 for malls and good dining. I was born there but rarely get a chance to visit Chandigarh now. Jullundar is more like your typical pakistani city and Ludhiana is a industrial hub now. Lovely university is a pride of punjab. Your article could have have been more explicit. Take care and enjoy. Rab rakha
@Amina,Kerala: Simple... what did she observe in India as a journalist? Only reading the roadside hoardings, watching shanty towns and dhabas (like any common traveler)? Waiting to read the 'Part 2' of her article.
To be honest this was a story about some elites who don't want to be in Pakisan, written by someone who hardly believes in ideology of Pakistan. So I really don't care abt what she says
@zaman: Dear Zaman your querry is very genuine. In fact the answer to your question that how common/ acceptable are inter cast or inter religion marriages in India; The answer is both Yes and No. In middle and high middle class educated and service classes this is quite acceptable and becoming a noticeable trend. However with business and agriculturist community it is facing inner resistance but the exceptions are slowly gaining grounds. Same is applicable with inter religion marriages. The Indian youth today has emerged as a very strong factor in molding the life styles and most of them look at religion as more humane, spiritual and liberating force to reason and do not restrict religion to rituals. The faith that all religions teach the same and give strong moral fiber to an individual is gaining strength.
@Ignorant One: Punjab is a part of india, we are all indians calm down and give respect to the authoress views and narrative. No harm done in giving love and a smile. Omg I sound like a hippy from the 1960s make peace not war lol. A good piece but lovely institute or a happy Singh and pappu paaji barinder becomes bunty its more like nick names and shamsherraj becomes shammi. So chillax, how many of you know sunny deols real name. No cheating. Take care and respect the views of our visitor. Rab rakha
According to Islam, there is no marriage between Hindu & Muslim... if they do so, they are doing adultery...
Oh dear me. Our Indian friends can get defensive for sure. Relax guys, it is just a small observation that the author made. Doesn't say anything about the whole of India. So take it for what it is and nothing more. This piece wasn't a piece of criticism of Indian society, just some of the things that jumped out at the writer.
People need to visit neighbouring countries to see that most people are just normal people who are the same everywhere
@Pakistani: So, in what way is your comment relevant to this article?
@Vikas
If you are missing Gauravi, you must be missing her "insightful" comments bashing Pakistan and Muslims and trying to go one up as usual.
YOu are a senior editor and you write: Why promote an imperfect India when you have the beautiful, Bollywood version, complete with the silks, spices, thriving middle class and Mahindras?
This statement implies that there is a hidden agenda and media dishes out the beautiful bollywood version and ignores the imperfections in INdia.
This myth that Pakistanis are candid about their imperfections and INdians tend to brag when there is nothing to brag about needs to be looked at.
I think the pride Indians feel is that we try to work towards remedies however imperfectly. And when Pakistanis are asked about doing something about terrorism on their side - reputed pakistani journalists will tell you that they do not know if they will return safe to their homes - implying that INdians should not expect any help because pakistanis cannot help themselves.
Self deprecation is good only if it leads to some remedies - the sheer indulgence in self deprecation and self criticism that I see in Pakistani media is not just self-defeating but allows you to crib a la Nero as your country burns. The author can obviously afford this indulgence.
@zaman I still remember when i was told by my friend that his maternal aunty married to a muslim guy and she had two children and was happy,I knowing the reality on the ground asked him did she converted and the answer none to my surprise was yes i have no problem in inter religious marriages if i am not coerced to accept a religion of my partner and believe that there are certain personal traits like vegetarianism that i would like to keep and also like her to keep her food eating traits marriage is not about coercing one's decision on other but about mutual understanding
Though Muslim population of India is the same as that of Pakistan, number of Muslims who have died in communal riots in India in the last 10 years is not even a teeny tiny fraction of those killed in Karachi target killings - not to mention what is happening to hazaras, Christians and Hindus and Balochs..
This lady thinks punjab is India and India is Punjab . Punjab is one of the smallest states of India with a shared capital . Well... For a garden lizard , tree is its home , not the whole jungle . Regarding inter-religious marriage , always non-muslims convert , because of their superior thinking and mindset . But my thinking is that two lines of chants can't change the family background and culture of a man. Those who thinks so are fools .That very same person makes the mockery of that religion to achieve the target . Take the example of Mr.jinnah who married a non-muslim lady after her conversion and lastly snubbed by her daughter .
@thor: Your comments are irrelevant to the context of the article to which you guys are commenting since yesterday.
@Pakistani: Pakistani intelligentsia can not solve Muslim issues within the Pakistan , you do something so that Sectarian killing don’t take place in Pakistan.
@ all Indians Agreed that India is a diverse country and no one can paint the complete picture in one visit to a small region. But Atika's effort in exploring India and her candidness deserves appreciation. Let us be positive.
@author You are always welcome Atika. Pl do visit Mumbai next time. I loved your observation "being a race who loves to mind others’ businesses more than our own (and that goes for Indians and Pakistanis)". By the way Atika and Atik are popular names of girls and boys here (Hindu Muslim and other faiths). Thanks a bunch.
@__ Gauravi, you are missed. Where is your insightful and informative comment?
@All Indians Indian intelligentsia who is commenting here should first try to solve Hindu-Muslim issues within the India so that next time communal riots don't take place in India.
@Pakistani: do you think she should be arrested for looking too good?
@zaman: Insistence by the Muslims that their partners convert to their religion is off putting. T his only in case that the Muslim partner does not make such a request that surely seems unreasoned to the other party, can such a marriage go ahead. Instances such sat the one described where the groom converted to Islam are rare.
It is good to hear that author is safely back and was not arrested in India
@Rahul: Please visit us again. You are welcome.
She should go to Hajj and write about the behavior of Muslim men towards Muslim women in big crowds.
Shining India campaign was in 2004. Pakistanis seem to be going in reverse gear and seeing the campaign on their way towards the 15th century
Madam, we Indians respect your views on your six days stay in India. However, being an important part of the editorial group of ET which is known for its balanced journalism, the article was a bit disappointing. Hope, you will visit India again and may find your experiences in a different perspective.
What was the purpose of your visit? A reporter or to attend the wedding as a bride,s friend. Or to write an article where an Indian was made to convert to Islam unlike the hero in veer Zara remained Hindu ?
@Parvez:
Sorry to disagree with you. If I am visiting Karachi and obviously will see some blasts or target killing or some violence, based on that, can i write 'Pakistan, a failed state' ? IMO, entire 2nd para is obnoxiously penned.
@Mohammed Yusuf: This is what I want to emphasize; the recent migration between India and Pakistan is based on economic priorities and not religious harassment/discrimination. Pakistani, especially Hindus from Sindh migrate due to more economic opportunities created through religious sympathies and media coverage in their favor. The Pakistani are going to India for the obvious reasons of more earning opportunities particularly the sectors you have mentioned.
A Peshawary
You wrote it as you saw it...........a light, casual, breezy observation. Why do our Indian friends (commenters) start seeing shadows where none exist and take up a kung-fu stance to chop the imaginary beast that they perceive lurks in the shadows. But if they did not do that..............who would read ET.
@A Peshawary: As far as Asif Iqbal is concerned, you are completely wrong. He already had relatives in Pakistan and the transfer of population was still going on between India and Pakistan, though on a low scale.Many Muslims from Hyderabad supported Pakistan and saw Pakistan as a new home created for the Muslims of India. He migrated to Pakistan in 1961. Can you tell me why so many Pakistani cricketers, singers and actors want to move to India now? And why so many Hindus and Christians are leaving Pakistan and migrating either to India or the the West?
The gossip in pakistan centered on whether the boy had converted or not....that is the crux of the difference between the two countries - so though I welcome the fact that you have travelled in India - I do not wish for large scale interaction given the fascism in your country that is institutionalised and you are comfortable mentioning it without so much as a censure in your writing.
Dear authoress, I hope you enjoyed your stay in india. Please visit our city, Calcutta which is termed as the cultural capital of india. Rab rakha
I read it twice but coldnt understand the point. This should be in blog instead of opinions.
BTW when you write about travel then you should also include pics.
@writer, What is your point?. And, am amazed that you were shocked. I thought anyone living in Pakistan is shock proof. Don't know about you but yeah, you shocked me. I'll read your article once again before I go to bed, I'll be SHOCKED if this doesn't put me to sleep ..... yawn.
Nobody really cared, here in Pakistan, about some girl marrying an Indian guy, nor our media reported about such a thing! And, hey, calm down Indians! nobody abused you!
A Peshawary:
Seriously? Asif Iqbal was born in British India, and his immigration happened when he was still in his teens. Economic migrant?
And the worry isn't economic migration - most people do that. i.e. shift place of living for work/job. But, the worry is migration due to discrimination/harassment. Pakistani hindus have steadily migrated away from Pakistan, not for lack of economic opportunity - but because they couldn't practice their faith without fear. thus Pakistan has only 1-2% Hindus as versus 10 times that at independence.
You do know there is more to India than Hindi/Punjabi majority areas, don't you?
I understand you had the opportunity to visit the part of India, which is most similar to Pakistan. But, FYI, India has 23 recognised national languages.
The great uniqueness of India is that every 200 kilometres in and direction, the people start looking a bit differently(be it clothes, skin colour,etc.), cuisine changes, language changes; if the language doesn't, the dialect will.
But, one thing remains consistent, although in varying degrees, is the belief of being one nation and the core culture. Marriages in Gujarat sing some of the same mantras as marriages in South India, for example.
This article is, well, typical. Thats the worst thing an article can be. Hopefully next time you can visit the interiors of Kerala, wonder at the beauty of structures at Hampi, eat delicious Rasgullas in Bengal.
Many millions of Indians don't get to do all this, despite everything available within the same country.
In a way that is both tragic and wonderful about it. Only can Indian realise and gaze at the multitudes of India. For Pakistanis, India is Mumbai, Delhi and some Hindi/Punjabi speaking parts.
Typical of the inferiority complexed so called pseudo intellectuals who have no answer to indians. When indians questioned the "democracy" in pakistan why did this lady in return questioned the "democracy" in india where a chief minister organizes and leads the massacre of thousands of unarmed children, women and men belonging to minority and then is on the front race to become the prime minister of this "democracy"???
Author, visit interior and southern states of India, I am sure you will be embarrassed about what you have written. Also by judging a huge country only based on few billboards you saw on some corner, I fear you have exposed yourself too much :)
@sh(india): I think you are not well informed; many Indians migrated to Pakistan for economic reasons. Asif Iqbal the ex-Captain of Pakistan is the one big example.
A Peshawary.
Delhi and Chandigarh alone are not India, Madam. India is wide and varied not only geographically but also culturally. Any article about India based on Delhi and N India alone will not paint a picture about India at all.
@Jag Nathan: i'm afraid i don't know the reason why since i don;t live in india,you seem to be quite well informed about the situation there may be you can enlighten us.
@zaman: Apparently the Indian boy had to give up his faith in this story and convert in order to get married.
Lovely University is a funny name for an university, with due regards to their professional achievements...no doubt. One of my US-returned friend used to teach there....and he was telling me about his embarrassment, while trying to explain to his ex-colleagues and students in US, as to where he is teaching now
She didn't mention it was cross culture marriage. It was just marriage like Shoaib and Sania.
@zaman: There are plenty of inter-caste and inter religious marriages between Hindus, Sikhs, Buddhists, Jains and Christians. There are very few between Hindus and Muslims and I must say we would like to keep it that way. You should know the reasons why.
Please visit us again. You are welcome.
Author, There is nothing hilarious about Lovely University name. It is actually called Lovely University started by entrepreneurs who started off making Mithai. They have several shops called Lovely Sweets. From there they diversified into autos, cars, schools and now a university to their credit in the city of Jalandhar. It is an example of enterprise, vision and success.
I'm just wondering how common is inter-religious marriage in india........i know it's quite common in bollywood, but i believe that's exception not the rule.......there was a bbc documentary on this subject about a hindu girl in kolkatta who'd fallen in love with a muslim guy.........the girls parents disowned her for marrying a muslim.....a high price to pay for love. http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/programmes/this_world/3744263.stm
People think india is communal. But let me tell you some things.
There are jews and synagouges in india. I don't know how many are there is pakistan. There are atheists and that number is growing. Hate against other religions comes from observing surroundings and not from religious books because bhagavd gita and other holy hindu books are not laws in india. There is a lot of difference in indian and pakistani culture. Don't even think pakistani culture is same as india's. India's culture changes from state to state. I have never heard or seen any indian muslim migrate premanently to pakistan but saw pakistani hindus migrate to india for security permanently.thank u for visiting india , tell pakistani's we don't hate pakistan , we hate theirs terrorits who are always trying to hurt not only india but also keep hurting pakistan whether to eradicate the polio aur dismal the economy of pakistan , which we gifted to form country whatever they like.....
Good that you were able to visit Chandigarh and Delhi - but remember that this is all that you have seen. (I would say the same to my colleagues as well, so no offense meant). You have seen a tiny part of India, and the further you travel, the more you will notice differences between India and Pakistan - both people and culture. Now, bringing the sarcastic Shining India jab into your article was pointless; the billboards that you saw in the middle of nowhere (Vodafone - UK company; Fair & Lovely - Unilever (Anglo-Dutch); Thums Up - (Coca Cola) US) only attest to the potential rural demand that foreign companies see in India and have nothing to do with the Govt narrative.
@Author: What sort of a journalist are you? Six days in India and this write up is all you could come up with..