The writer is author of The Gun Tree: One Woman’s War (Oxford University Press, 2001) and lives in Bhurban
Laying his gleaming Kalashnikov carefully down on the red blanket covering the mattress of his ground level bed, he unbuckles his bullet-proof vest — which, as always, is ‘fully loaded’ with grenades, ammunition and other such accoutrements of war — and props it up on the red plastic chair by the door. He searches his zippered pockets for a precious bunch of keys, kneels by the trunk, opens the padlock and begins to rummage through its contents, the deep lines etched in his face becoming deeper with concentration. Grey eyes narrow when, initially, he fails to locate that which he seeks and in a spurt of sudden desperation, he flings clothes, papers and unmatched socks out onto the threadbare carpet until finally, with a huge sigh of relief, he waves a prized passport in the air and smiles.
A high-ranking member of a former mujahid-turned-warlord’s private army, he is preparing to leave for Pakistan where, like so many other battle-hardened men, he stashes his family in the comparative safety of Peshawar.
“This time I am NOT coming back to this hell hole,” he swears vehemently. “I have had enough of fighting, enough of killing, enough of this sad apology of existence. I fought the Russians. I fought Hekmatyar. I fought the Taliban. I fought bandits and now I am expected to fight the Taliban again when all I want is a life!”
Killing machine that he is, he has never experienced family life for more than a precious few weeks at a time and such times have been long months, sometimes years, apart. His wife is all but a stranger, his three sons and a daughter likewise. All Ammanullah really knows is a life surrounded by men: men as furiously desperate as him and their only employable trade is that of the gun.
A man with little education, he was 17-years-old when the then Soviet Union invaded Afghanistan back in 1979. The farmer’s life he sometimes dreams of now, was blown to smithereens by the bombs that flattened his ancestral village in the rugged eastern mountains, so, when his badly injured father handed him the ancient family rifle and instructed him to join the Mujahideen, he — along with a high percentage of his neighbours — did just that and now, dream as he does, fighting is all that he, and thousands like him, know.
He will — there is no other option — return from visiting his family as soon as the money runs out. He will wearily pick up his gun and fight whoever there is to fight in return for payment that would disappear if, and when, there is ever peace — after which he, thousands like him and their dependents will all starve.
Published in The Express Tribune, September 4th, 2013.
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For me the poignant line from the author is this: . He will — there is no other option — return from visiting his family as soon as the money runs out. . Where is this money coming from? In a previous sentence, he says: . I fought the Russians. I fought Hekmatyar. I fought the Taliban. I fought bandits and now I am expected to fight the Taliban again when all I want is a life! . If he is fighting the Taliban and considering his other foes especially Hekmatyar, he is definitely pro-Afghan government and pro-US. Really, so now the US is bankrolling mercenaries directly? This is news to me and is contrary to all other reports from the ground.
How could we ever explain or even stress upon the Muslims around the world not to invite foreign forces to their homes to intervene on their behalf. The tragedy is that all these countries involved in these conflicts whether political or religious are being destroyed slowly by the interventions and by outsiders, but of course these interventionists are building their own countries day in and day out, I am witness to it. When would the likes of Amanullahs ever know the difference that interests of outsiders are not the same of theirs.
Are you trying to tell us there will never be Peace because majority of Afghan males depend on the income from war ? Very sad if so.
I was a little slow in coming to this piece but when ever I have read you, I have never been disappointed and your record is intact. When the Americans abandon, yes abandon Afghanistan once again, what will the Ammunallahs do ?. I loved the way drew the picture to ask the question and the answer you have left open. As it's anyone's guess.