10 things I hate about cricket fans
Spontaneous dancing in the street. This isn’t an episode of “Glee”.
1. Their over enthusiasm. It’s a match, not open-heart surgery. Relax.
2. Their belief that cricket equals patriotism. ‘So you didn’t watch the match? What kind of Pakistani are you?’
3. The denial regarding the Pakistani cricket team is akin to being in a abusive relationship. “He’ll never do it again … I just fell down the stairs” has been replaced by “He’ll never do it again … it’s my fault, I cursed the team during the fifth ball of the 27th over.”
4. Their conspiracy theories about what goes on in the dressing room. Like Pakistan needs more conspiracies …
5. Mood swings. They become unsociable, withdrawn and distraught during a match, instantly switch to being chatty, happy and over-eager when the Pakistani cricket team wins, and suicidal when it loses.
6. Aerial firing to celebrate winning a match rivals shots fired during a riot.
7. Their power to dictate loadshedding schedules.
8. Spontaneous dancing in the street. This isn’t an episode of “Glee”.
9. When losing a cricket argument, their winning spiel invariably includes the 1992 World Cup win. What about 1999?
10. Their hatred for other countries’ cricket teams spills over into real life hatred of their citizens. Not cool.
Published in The Express Tribune, October 3rd, 2010.
2. Their belief that cricket equals patriotism. ‘So you didn’t watch the match? What kind of Pakistani are you?’
3. The denial regarding the Pakistani cricket team is akin to being in a abusive relationship. “He’ll never do it again … I just fell down the stairs” has been replaced by “He’ll never do it again … it’s my fault, I cursed the team during the fifth ball of the 27th over.”
4. Their conspiracy theories about what goes on in the dressing room. Like Pakistan needs more conspiracies …
5. Mood swings. They become unsociable, withdrawn and distraught during a match, instantly switch to being chatty, happy and over-eager when the Pakistani cricket team wins, and suicidal when it loses.
6. Aerial firing to celebrate winning a match rivals shots fired during a riot.
7. Their power to dictate loadshedding schedules.
8. Spontaneous dancing in the street. This isn’t an episode of “Glee”.
9. When losing a cricket argument, their winning spiel invariably includes the 1992 World Cup win. What about 1999?
10. Their hatred for other countries’ cricket teams spills over into real life hatred of their citizens. Not cool.
Published in The Express Tribune, October 3rd, 2010.