Movie review: 'Stolen' steals no praise

Spoiler alert.

At the end of Taken 2, I was convinced that it was the worst film ever, but I was wrong. Oh god, I was so wrong. Had I known that Stolen would be in my future, perhaps I would have been kinder to Taken 2 in my review. At least it starred Liam Neeson, who as internet memes will tell you, has trained both Jedi Knights and Batman. Yes, Liam Neeson is a man who plays the alpha male role fairly convincingly. When he says he will find you, you believe it — especially if you are Albanian.

There are no Albanians in Stolen however, and neither is there Neeson. Rather, the film stars Nicholas Cage, whose hairline has regressed to the point where he looks like he is in the ‘before’ pictures of a hair transplant commercial. The years haven’t been kind to the rest of the aging star either, and in Stolen, playing the role of Will Montgomery, he simply doesn’t sell the action scenes he takes part in.

Will is a thief who, after being double-crossed in a heist gone awry, is sent to prison for eight years. Upon his release, he’s ready to leave his criminal past behind, but his old partner believes that Will hid the loot from the last heist eight years ago and kidnaps Will’s daughter. Will now plans another heist to raise funds, all the while being hunted by the detective who had put him behind bars.

Stolen has plenty of action sequences, though these are mostly dull and uninventive, and sometimes surprisingly sadistic. What’s more, the film slows down jarringly in between the action, ruining the tempo with needless exposition. That being said, the film does floor the pedal with some entertaining car chase sequences that feature some awesome car stunts. But the biggest flaw on display is the customary outlandish performance from Nicholas Cage, who has now become synonymous with dumb action films. Nicholas Cage at one point in his career gave some fine soulful performances, and the real pity here is that the only thing stolen is the actor’s passion for his craft.

Published in The Express Tribune, Sunday Magazine, November 25^th, 2012.

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