Social mores strangling sibling bond

Preface: Some harsh and bitter observations, thought-provoking for the sensitive souls of writers, continue to nag them until they give voice to their anguish. However, it should not be deemed a prerogative of a writer to be moved by the moral or social highs and lows. Rather, every common man must be 'distracted' by them. Although an apathetic attitude towards the ongoing social traffic serves our own parochial interests, it is not what is required of us, being the paragon of all creatures.

A bus driver, while sharing his observations, opened up about having witnessed a stark contrast between a father's attitude towards his daughter and that of a brother towards his sister. Once, when the fleet of coaches arrived early in the morning after a Murree tour of college students, the girls got off the coaches, staggering and wobbling because of inertia, sleep and travel sickness. Whereas fathers rushed towards their daughters to hug them and lift their luggage, the brothers of some girls gave a cold shoulder to them. They neither walked towards their sisters nor helped them in lifting their luggage. Fathers and daughters were observed exchanging courtesies, but a resounding silence existed between a brother and his sister.

The sternness on a brother's face bespeaks the social embarrassment they face for being brothers to sisters: the traditional tribal hierarchical prejudice against women. The masculine attitude towards women in general ought to be driven by respect vis-à-vis gender parity in society, never by male chauvinism.

Informal and colloquial masculine discourse reeks of condescending disrespect for feminine existence. Words are known to have magical powers. They can act as language police. The Sapir-Whorf hypothesis proposes that a particular language a person uses conditions their thoughts and perceptions. Therefore, if in masculine discourse, women are accorded respect and treated as equal human beings, cordiality can be expected between siblings at social gatherings.

Once while attending a women's hockey match at the division level - an initiative by the Chief Minister of Punjab to promote the national game of hockey among girls - I heard two boys passing some unpleasant remarks about the players. My friend, who had orthodox views about women, darted a jab at me: "Would you like your daughter playing suchlike?" I retorted with a reflex action: "Definitely, but what I don't like is the wagging tongues and wanton eyes." The masculine gaze should be respectful to women to enable them to live and enjoy life as the men do.

The mainstream entertainment media has not treated the relationship of love and respect between brother and sister as a main theme. Media can go a long way in shaping public opinion. And disappointingly, all of its outpourings hover around only one aspect of human relationships, i.e., marital ones.

Why is honour killing a masculine prerogative? What if a boy commits something indecent? Are the sisters and daughters allowed to punish brothers and sons for bringing a slur to the family name and status? Parents must bring it home to their children that social respect is not a gender-specific phenomenon.

The Punjabi theatre, in particular, has dealt a severe blow to the sibling bond. A sister has been made the butt of obscenities and invectives used in the quips, puns and witticisms. By karma, the more the theatre disrespected this aspect of feminine existence, the more it neared its extinction, and it did happen. The theatre was gone, but the damage was done. The taboo it has attributed to the feminine sibling still lurks in our social DNA.

The lack of affability between siblings at home becomes conspicuously visible when they interact outside. Children are no more than the product of their upbringing and environment. Parents must brainwash their sons about there being nothing shameful in exhibiting camaraderie with sisters. To respect a woman in one relationship teaches us to respect women in all relationships. Siblings do love each other genuinely and feel for each other humanly, but cultural expectations and hierarchical role-playing don't let their affection translate into due respect and equal treatment. But social mores are made by human beings, not the other way around.