Phonetiquette

Gone are the days when table etiquette was a hot topic at the dining table. However, these days, a major chunk of our casual conversations inevitably dwells on the proper and improper usage of mobile phones. With the ubiquitous presence of this digital rectangle around us, concerns about one's breach of privacy are now growing. There are undocumented mobile phone manners for its use in public spaces and in one's social biome. Collectively, they are called phonetiquette — the portmanteau of 'phone' and 'etiquette'.

Nosy parkers are always on the hunt to peep over shoulders or look from the corner of their eye to snoop on what you are scrolling through or swiping on. This is both an etiquette problem and a moral failing.

In the Holy Quran (49:12), the believers are ordained not to spy. Curiosity adulterated with a malicious motive becomes prying. Sometimes, you want to share the digital moments of joy to enhance their mirth with the people around you. Sharing must not be solicited; it must be offered. But people take liberties and grab your mobile phone. While their intentions might not be obnoxious, they are not graded well in the phonetiquette. On the downside, they might scroll or swipe onwards and infringe upon your privacy. Such snoopers always remain in tow for infirmities in others to gloss over their own deficiencies and give themselves airs of superiority. They forget that life isn't made beautiful by spying on others but by cultivating our own goodness.

In times of an emergency — running out of balance or battery — if someone requests you to lend your mobile phone for a call, they must take your privacy pot not far enough to leave your sight. They must also not look at the notifications in the notification bar. Some people, after using your phone, click on 'open all' to delete their activity on your phone and in doing so, they delete your activity history as well. The deletion of your latest activity can rue you for not protecting your boundaries. They can also know what you were doing in the moment before you lent your phone. Morally, they should hand over your phone back to you the moment they disconnect their call.

At hangouts and dine outs with friends and family, the use of phones, particularly for surfing social media, must be forbidden because at such events, we are already social with our near and dear ones. The tangible sociability is more rewarding than the virtual one, which is sickly saccharine. One must be where one is. Belief in carpe diem saves one from being vulnerable to anxiety and depression. Telephones and mobile phones were created to bridge physical absences. Ironically, over-dependence on them has left people present in body but absent in spirit.

An unthankful attitude is exhibited to hide our own deprivations by showing off our phoney connoisseurship. Some people, after using your mobile phone, instead of thanking you, pass remarks on the model and quality of your phone. They take an unauthorised probing look around your phone and offer their valuable counsel gratis about the latest model you must purchase.

Some people are used to talking at higher decibels during calls while sitting in public. This unethical behaviour becomes all too intrusive when someone attends a call in public transport and then guffaws. Sometimes impulsively, they resort to expletives.

As an addiction to drugs puts the addicts in a stupor, the addicts of social media watch reels and shorts at full volume, oblivious of their surroundings. Underlying such gestures is a mentality of showing off or wanting attention. It's to camouflage their inner hollowness.

To glue one's eyes to a digital screen in human company — termed phubbing, another portmanteau of phone and snubbing — is the worst insult one can inflict upon one's fellow beings. It tells them the luminous screen beats their presence. It wreaks havoc on our relationships, particularly spousal and parental. Attention and respect are always reciprocal. We need digital civility — not out of misanthropy but as a shared guardrail. Phonetiquette is a social technology for living together with dignity and decorum.