Perfectionism and suicide

Suicide was once a forbidden element of society to discuss and deliberate openly. In the 21st century, suicide has become a normal word in day-to-day discussion. After 1990, we opened societies with the generational shift of perception about worth, value and achievements. Out of this global shift in attaching worth and value to humans with their perfect image, the recent generations of young people are more demanding of themselves, of others, and are perceiving that others demand more from them.

The wave of modernisation after 1990, with the End of History and the emergence of the Neoliberal model in society and politics, instilled this idea into every single person that they are like commodities whose complete worth lies in constantly achieving and becoming a permanent part of a rat race where one can never reach the top — because after every cross of different levels of achievement, there is someone who is more competent, capable, rich and perfect than you.

The modern world and our economic model are based on fundamental principles like revering competition, promoting hyper-ambition and discouraging cooperation. The most critical aspect of the global order is to instil an idea of perfectionism. Perfectionism is constantly burdening people, which is the root cause of anxiety, stress and depression.

A new study published by Thomas Curran and Andrew Hill in the journal Psychological Bulletin establishes that perfectionism is on the rise. There are three types of perfectionism, which are unrealistically setting high standards for the self, others and society. These three types of perfectionism are self-oriented, other-oriented and socially-prescribed.

Self-oriented perfectionism means we set very high expectations of performance, achievement and measuring the worth of the self. Other-oriented perfectionism implies that we set exaggerated expectations of support and confidence from others. The third type is more relevant to the modern world, in which we constantly believe that we have to advance our skills and wealth because society is observing us and we have to prove that we are worthy and capable.

Once we believe in socially ascribed perfectionism, the idea of anxiety and stress begins — because we expect that our single failure or multiple successes will characterise our deficiencies or approval in society. It is where shame, failure and fear take place in our lives. Our self-examination becomes dependent on the hyper-perception of others.

Perfectionism introduces shame. Why do most people fall into depression after a failure, a missed opportunity, a bad memory or a terrible setback? In the majority of cases — unknowingly — it is because of shame, not guilt. We feel shame when we fail. We feel shame when we experience a breakup, lose a career path or miss an opportunity. Shame is deeply rooted in our psychology not biologically, but culturally through perfectionism.

This competition and perfectionism alienate many from others like peers and family. They constantly chase to prove their worth before society through wealth, accomplishment and perfectionism. Cooperation also compromises because cooperation is replaced with competition.

All these scenarios lead to a hyper-responsibility of attaining different levels of perfectionism. At some point, it becomes tightening on our psyches, leading to hard steps to release all pain and suffering through a single step which is hard to imagine even. We need to decrease hyper-individuation and create collective values and detoxification from associating worth with possessions only. Humanistic values like compassion, empathy, self-regulation and civic sense must also be appreciated just like approving a high-paying job or possession of luxuries.