Sarwat Gilani promotes positive parenting tricks

During an interview on a local morning show, Sarwat Gilani discussed the impact of positive reinforcement on a child's upbringing. She began by acknowledging that two kids born to the same family tend to fall into a competition with each other despite their differences. But Sarwat also believes that the state of the parents at the time of each child's birth also has a bearing on how those children are brought up.

Giving her own example, the Naulakha actor said, "Emotionally, I was in a different state when Rohan was born versus where I am now that Ella Nur is born. The fears and weaknesses I had then affected Rohan. Now there might be new factors that would affect Ella Nur. The environment has a bearing on this too, but no matter what, you won't find two kids in a household who are exactly the same."

Getting more into conscious parenting, Sarwat added that parents tend to instill a fear of failure even as they compare their children to those of their relatives. "Whatever confidence, self-reliance, and drive that child possessed, you've shattered it right there. It's so important for parents to not compare children with each other."

The Khasara actor believes that there are healthier ways to motivate one's child to work hard. "For example, I can tell my son that once he reads a specific number of books, only then will he be allowed to play a certain game. What this does is encourage him without forcing competition, while also not inducing the idea that he can somehow fail or be unable to accomplish his goals."

According to Sarwat, vocabulary also plays an important part in inspiring a child. "There's a difference between me telling my child to not do something and me pointing out that there's something he can do. So it's very important not to focus on what the kid doesn't want to do and, instead, use the kind of vocabulary that would push him to achieve the goals he's striving for and where you want to see him."

She also believes that the father's treatment of the mother plays a key role in influencing a child's mind. "When kids don't see a strong relationship between their parents, they develop an insecurity. Watching their father lash out on their mother instigates a demeaning attitude, which is how they'll treat the mother when the father is not around."

In contrast to this toxic upbringing, Sarwat and her husband Fahad Mirza aim to foster their children's better abilities. "We tell our son that he doesn't need to work harder than he's able to. Instead, we say, 'Work within your capacity. Give it your best shot, so you don't feel that you didn't try what you could.'"

Sarwat's solution is simple: "It's very important for parents to say, 'If you fail, it's okay. I'll still love you. I will love you on your good and bad days.'"