Let wrestling heal your wounds

KARACHI:

The air is salty today. It's not because the sea in Karachi has moved in closer – as if the shrine of Abdullah Shah Ghazi would let it. No, there's something different. I went out to have tea and paratha at a nearby dhaba. Not only did the paratha taste saltier, but the tea as well. I thought I hadn't settled the account with Khan chacha, and this was his passive-aggressive way of reminding me to pay up. But no, that wasn't the case.

On the way back, I could still smell salt. I thought maybe the sewers were overflowing. They do 364 days of the year, but not today. My daydreaming led me to imagine Denis Villeneuve making the third Dune sequel in Karachi, but instead of spice, it'd have an abundance of salt and result in wars being fought over the control of the… you guessed it… salt.

But I really was not daydreaming about salt. It's there, I could swear. When I came home and opened my social media, I finally understood the reason. The air was salty, thanks to the tears of Pakistani cricket fans.

Those who watched yesterday's Pakistan vs India cricket match at the ICC Champions Trophy had been sobbing for so long that they inadvertently caused a minor cooling effect. Science, right?

And here I was balancing our climate by laughing too hard at the walking, breathing, crying emojis all around me. On Instagram, a user posted a photo of Aamir Khan's cricket team in Lagaan saying, "At this point, we can all agree that this team can win against the Pakistani cricket team as well." I mean, at this point, our neighbourhood gully cricket team can beat the national cricket team too.

While the internet continued to mock the Pakistan cricket team on an absolutely god-awful performance against long-time rival India, we at least got some good entertainment out of it.

India defeated Pakistan by 6 wickets and the general reactions have been: The first host of the Champions Trophy 2025, the country who spent crores building stadiums, who still couldn't convince the Indian team to visit and play here, got beaten like a rented mule and kicked off the tournament after the first two matches. What could possibly be more embarrassing than that?

Even the veteran Shoaib Akhtar was disappointed. "It wasn't anything new, anything that hasn't happened before," he said while discussing the Pakistan cricket team's performance on a PTV Sports show. "It's not just about the intent. I think they don't even have the skill. If they did, they wouldn't play like this. Poor management, brainless captaincy with an absolutely average team. There's nothing to talk about here. They don't know anything."

If it were a one-time poor performance, we could call it bad luck. But as Akhtar said, it's nothing new. It's similar to when I tell myself to indulge in Dileep Sweets from Larkana. "It's my cheat day," I say. I repeat it the next day, and so on, because in my heart of hearts, I know that it's a 'cheat life'.

On another note, I know for a fact that those who live in Gulshan-e-Iqbal or breathe the same air that flows through National Stadium pray for every match to finish as quickly as Kohli did the honours in Dubai. The roadblocks, the traffic jams make for a perfect starter for the Pakistani main course that you keep gulping down in search of taste, eventually ending up with an upset stomach; all of which you knew was going to happen and yet you went for it..

This is why being a wrestling fan is great. There is still tribalism and competition and criticism but at the end of the day, we enjoy it. Yes, it's scripted. Our eyes don't pop out when you tell us, "Oh, but it's fake". Thanks, Captain Obvious, go back to the island of irrelevance.

With professional wrestling, you are certain not to be disappointed. On SmackDown, you could watch the tag team division wow you with fantastic athleticism and performances - something you definitely don't get in cricket or at least when there's team Pakistan separating the ball and the bat. You also get the American Nightmare Cody Rhodes and The Rock in a promo battle. You also get the angsty Kevin Owens who is so full of hatred against former friends that he stalks their families at home and makes videos of himself crying and lashing out in his car – a true teenager at heart combined with the soul of Joe Goldberg.

You get Tiffy Time with Women's champion Tiffany Stratton. You get Jacob Fatu, the breakout star of 2025 so far, make his way through the Bloodline storyline, and impress everyone with his magnetic, terrifying persona. Yadadamean?

On Raw, you can watch CM Punk drop pipe-bombs, and the World Champion Gunther dominate the sacred square ring with his vein-popping chops and hard-hitting powerbombs.

You get brilliant stories and characters who you can follow, who will not disappoint you, whose journeys will show development and growth, and you grow with them. You get Drew McIntyre's pettiness, Liv Morgan and her love affair with Rey Mysterio's son Dominik, and Rhea Rhipley's rage.

If that doesn't entertain you, we have John Cena on his retirement tour going all out this year to try and win the record-breaking 17th world title. With WrestleMania coming up in April, the world is abuzz with many great stories coming to a climax and many new stories springing up soon after.

Did I say being a wrestling fan is more fun than being a cricket fan? Because it is. We relate to being disappointed and heartbroken when Brock Lesnar broke the Undertaker's undefeated WrestleMania streak in 2014, or when Roman Reigns won the Royal Rumble in 2015. But those days are gone. This is the Paul Levesque aka Triple H era. And the only question that matters is: Are you ready? When the tears have dried up, and you're ready to mend your heart and find happiness in life, are you ready to put on a wrestling show and chill out in the evening?

As Morty in Rick and Morty might say, "Nobody exists on purpose, nobody belongs anywhere. Everybody's gonna die. Come watch wrestling."

 

Paap Culture is a space about cynical commentary on bizarre pop culture happenings.