10 things I hate about KESC

1.   Load-shedding and its carefully handpicked hours. If you’re thinking of oversleeping on a weekend, KESC will jerk you up sweaty and disoriented at 10am. If you dare to crawl into bed for a leisurely siesta at 3pm on your only day off, KESC will surely ruin your plans and if you’re planning on watching your favourite show at 9pm, don’t even bother!

2.    The tall claims. Each year I hear there will be no load-shedding the next year. I think KESC optimistically assumes that by next year the majority of us will be dead by the heat thanks to the lethal combination of load-shedding and global warming. Hence, no load. Therefore, no shedding!

3.   Its effect on my nephew. The fact that his first words were, “Light gayee” instead of “Mama” is plain sad. Even sadder is the fact that his second words turned out to be “Light aa gaye” and still not “Mama”. His mama is very upset and we’re all hoping his third word isn’t the expletive his grandfather uses each time the light goes. Fingers crossed!

4.    KESC’s never-ending dramas. If KESC starred on Star Plus, she would be the sad Bahu. Her husband, the government, would have a severely dysfunctional relationship with her. Her saas Wapda would demand huge sums of money all the time. The playful dewarani SSGC would keep her on her toes.

5.    No real resolutions to the drama. Even when all of the issues in KESC’s life are resolved, there is always another rift, another fight, another breakdown waiting to happen.

6.    KESC’s resilience and bravado. Despite the death threats, my daily curses, and the range of expletives it receives from the entire city, KESC does what it must without fail.

7.    Our own resilience and bravado. Fully knowing that our calls to their customer support, our violent protests on the streets and our daily curses are in vain and do not change a single thing about KESC, why do we bother with them in the first place?

8.   The price hikes. The fact that we have to pay more and more for less and less is plain retarded!

9.   How people who live close to certain other people in important positions in certain secure areas get 24/7 bijli. Enough said.

10.   The fact that I have to write this while the bijli is gone and I am drenched in my own sweat hoping, just hoping, that maybe KESC will have mercy on us tonight and I will eat my dinner in peace with the lights on, watch the latest episode of The Office and hear my nephew finally say “Mama”!

Published in The Express Tribune, Sunday Magazine, September 18^th,  2011.