John Wayne Gacy Survivor Jack Merrill breaks silence on abduction and survival story

Jack Merrill, a Los Angeles-based actor, is a survivor of an unthinkable crime: he was abducted and assaulted by the infamous serial killer John Wayne Gacy in 1978. After years of silence, Merrill, now 65, is sharing his story publicly for the first time in his one-man show The Save, which he describes as both “cathartic” and empowering. “He controlled me for one night,” Merrill says to PEOPLE, “but he did not control my life.”

Merrill grew up in Evanston, Illinois, with a father, Jerome Holtzman, who was a Hall of Fame sportswriter and inventor of the baseball “Save” statistic, and a mother who struggled with narcissistic tendencies. By age 19, Merrill had left home, living independently in Chicago and working to build an acting career.

On the fateful night of his abduction, Merrill was walking home from the YMCA when a man stopped his car and offered him a ride. Feeling uneasy but hoping to act cautiously, Merrill accepted. The man, later identified as Gacy, convinced him to drink a “poppers” substance. Merrill soon lost consciousness and awoke in handcuffs. Driven to Gacy’s home, Merrill was subjected to hours of physical and psychological torture. “He asked me if I trusted him,” recalls Merrill. “I said yes, and he took off the handcuffs,” showing he was keenly aware that keeping calm was his only chance of survival.

Gacy released Merrill at dawn, leaving him near where they’d first met. Merrill didn’t initially report the assault, and months later, when Gacy’s crimes became national news, Merrill realized just how narrowly he had escaped. “I made a pact with myself to get past it,” he reflects.

The journey to healing was complex. Merrill channeled his pain into his acting career, eventually relocating to New York, where he joined the renowned NYU drama department and later co-founded the theater group Naked Angels. Acting became his outlet. “You’re forced to express yourself,” he says, finding solace and honesty on stage.

Although the trauma resurfaced at times, such as during a Halloween attraction featuring Gacy-themed characters, Merrill has worked to forgive, even appearing on The Oprah Winfrey Show to discuss forgiveness for those who’ve experienced violence. He also reconciled with his parents, albeit gradually.

Today, Jack Merrill is happily married, sharing his life with his husband of 23 years and their rescue dog and hairless cat. The Save honors his survival and resilience, allowing him to relive his story but from a place of strength. He shares, “There are a lot of people who have gone through difficult things. I’m lucky—I’ve always been lucky.”