Billie Eilish has “never been a happy person”

Billie Eilish has spoken up about her struggle with mental health issues and being famous.

In an interview with Rolling Stone, published on April 24, the singer detailed her experiences of depression.

“My whole life, I’ve never been a happy person, really,” she began. “I’ve been a joyous person, but not a happy person. I experience joy and laughter and I can find fun in things, but I’m a depressed person. I’ve suffered with a lot of depression my whole life.”

The singer further admitted that, while she often holds onto the thought that these feelings will “pass,” they were important in writing her latest album, “Hit Me Hard and Soft,” “If I’m not suffering somehow, I don’t feel good about what I’m doing.”

She continued, “I feel like this album is me. It’s not a character. It feels like the ‘When We All Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go?’ version of me. It feels like my youth and who I was as a kid.”

The nine-time Grammy winner emphasized the importance of experiencing pain for her work, “A lot of my artwork is painful physically in a lot of ways, and I love it. Oh, my God, I live for it.”

However, although Eilish has found suffering to be rewarding, she also discussed the “ugly part of fame,” adding that she keeps a dog to fend off stalkers who have previously managed to enter her home.

“Just because [my dog’s] anxious doesn’t mean he couldn’t rip your face off if you come into my house,” she revealed. “It’s the ugly part of fame – the downside that normal, nonfamous people rarely think about.”

The two-time Oscar winner talked about the feeling of missing out on having an ordinary experiences, “I didn’t go outside for five years. How was I supposed to have any experiences?”

Despite her lack of experiences growing up, she expressed her determination to live a normal life, “If I do it right, I can exist.” 

Eilish’s upcoming album, “Hit Me Hard and Soft,” releases on May 17.