How ‘being authentic’ changed my life

Sidra Iqbal, known for her poised demeanor, shared her transformation journey from being an insecure peoples' pleaser to a confident, composed and self-loving individual.

In a heartfelt talk on The Express Tribune podcast, aired in association with Dove, No Damage Beyond Repair, Sidra Iqbal spoke openly about the difficulties she faced as a child. She admitted to have concealed her real feelings and opinions in order to avoid conflict with other people. "I was highly pampered at home, and felt overly sensitive about peoples' opinion of me," she confessed, adding that suppression of her real feelings compounded her loneliness she felt being the only child until she was eight years old.

To channelize unwanted emotions of loneliness, fear and anger, she hopped on the platform of public speaking and debate while still being a student during her teens. She created an 'alter ego' typical of Sasha, an altered Beyonce, who she said faced similar difficulties in her early years of singing. "I was able to get over my sensitivity, my shyness, by actually facing the crowd," she said.

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Though Sidra could overcome her social anxiety by facing what she feared the most i.e. speaking before a large audience, she developed an extraordinary appetite for approval and applause while she 'accidentally' ventured into the showbiz industry as a television anchor. It was the time she had just returned after winning an international debating contest in London. She was tasked to host a live transmission chunk of PTV and that too in the graveyard shift, with Junaid Jamshed as the co-host.

"I was not even in college at that time. I had a hate relationship with TV since my childhood years during which I frequented studio and production sets where my father used to lead as a director and many people from artists to cameramen routinely received verbal thrashings for their faults," she said.

While still doubtful about its success, "I appeared and the live transmission not just went off but went well," Sidra said, adding that what followed is 'history' but during her maiden visit to PTV as anchor, she encountered legendary Bushra Ansari who said that she always knew that she was built to face the camera.

While admitting that her entry into the media industry was a self-fulfilling prophecy, Sidra confesses to have experienced a heightened need for praise and approval, terming it Phase 2 of peoples' pleasing.

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She elaborated her struggle seeking external validation stating, "It was very important for me that my team, viewers, and others give me positive feedback. But that in itself is very damaging, feeling like you're working only for others' approval. When you do not get good feedback, your identity, your 'self' suffers a lot," she said reflecting on her desire for reaffirmation in her early years in the TV.

Reflecting on the damaging impact of comparison, she advised youngsters to stop comparing themselves with others in terms of looks, ratings, paychecks and other parameters. She said that comparison leads to negative emotions and jealousy and may also lead to a superficial personal growth inflicted with imposter syndrome, a state of mind finding irrelevance about one's achievements as they happen to be given without due effort. She said that she was the victim of the syndrome during her early hears in media until she discovered that being true with a little imperfection was the key.

"Every person is unique and everyone knows where he or she should belong," she said, adding that the greatest achievement is being able to be authentic about your feelings regardless of what others think. If you are not true to yourself, you are a hypocrite, and healing and repair starts when one resolves to embrace both positive and negative emotions without concealing them, Sidra advocates, saying that the formula has transformed her into a mature, composed, fearless, and friendly human being.

Published in The Express Tribune, January 6^th, 2024.