Predicting divorce

“In the intricate dance of relationships, it becomes apparent that men and women hail from different planets, each with their own unique emotional language. Men, who predominantly reside on Mars, often prioritize independence and problem-solving, valuing their ability to provide and achieve success. Meanwhile, women, from the planet Venus, tend to focus on nurturing and connection, seeking emotional support and understanding. Recognizing and embracing these inherent differences is crucial to fostering harmonious relationships, as it allows us to navigate the complexities of communication and bridge the gap between our diverse emotional landscapes.”

John Grey wrote these words in his famous book Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, exploring the fundamental differences in communication and emotional needs between men and women.

These words served as a foundation stone in understanding how both genders communicate and infer from a conversation based on their natural distinctive attributes. The book and the words make even more sense today when people are questioning the longevity of marriages more than ever before and are striving to define their success — assigning new meanings to it. Apparently, we have evolved into the wrong side of the future!

If you were born in the 80s and 90s in Pakistan. You will still be able to re-live the vibrance and festivity we all once experienced attending the wedding ceremonies of our near and dear ones. Weddings were one of the most sought-after events in every household. Every middle-class house will work on it for years before the event happened. Society then was integrated and normal — before we went into wars against terrorism and sheer political polarization.

Time went past. We entered the new millennium and two decades after that our society took the form we could never have imagined back then. Amid roaring terrorism, religious fanaticism, and insane political polarization — our society continued to degenerate both — economically and socially.

The crumbling economy, pandemic, and rising inflation took a toll on the psychological health of the people, hampering their social and personal lives.

Marriages are still talked about, but more as a ritual than a festivity; a lot of the new generation questions its price, and logic. For many, wrapped in marital bliss, lies a pressing question: Can we truly foresee the demise of a marriage? During these grand beginnings, lavish gatherings, star-studded buffets, exquisite costumes, and exotic fragrances loom the sobering reality of divorce. While divorce rates continue to rise, the desire to understand and predict the unraveling of once-promising unions grows stronger.

Over time, the US has transitioned from a country where divorce was virtually unheard of, and building a successful marriage was considered a top priority, to a place with one of the highest divorce rates in the world. Despite increased access to marital education, marriage counseling, and family therapy, divorce is an ever-constant reality in our society.

In our society too, the idea of marriage as a lifelong commitment has changed significantly, gradually evolving into an emphasis on individual fulfillment and satisfaction.

The situation at home is gloomy too. Police reports revealed that 3,800 divorce cases were filed in Karachi alone during the first quarter of 2020. Similarly, 10,312 divorces, khulas, guardianships, and maintenance cases were reported by the District Judiciary of Rawalpindi between January and November 2021.

A recent survey by Gallup and Gilani Pakistan has revealed that the divorce rate in Pakistan is at an all-time high. The study found that the primary reason for divorce was lack of commitment, closely followed by infidelity and conflict in the family. It is a ripe time that we let our marital affairs be handled by specialists in counseling and psychological and conflict managers than elders who have no clue what is happening around us and mostly end up ruining the matter than solving it.

This trend if left unchecked will result in further eroding the family fabric in the society; leaving children to suffer.

Published in The Express Tribune, June 1^st, 2023.

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