I never auditioned for ‘Om Shanti Om’: Deepika on acting debut being 'served on a platter'

The reigning queen of Bollywood, actor Deepika Padukone recently sat down for an in-depth interview with Vogue about her early career, mental health and the legacy she wishes to leave behind. Most recently seen in the Amazon Prime original film Gehraiyaan opposite Sidhant Chaturvedi and Ananya Pandey, essaying the role of woman battling childhood trauma, Deepika has been open about her battle with depression since 2015.

The Bajirao Mastani actor shared that, for her, opening up about her mental health came hand in hand with speaking up for herself. “Speaking out about my experience with mental illness and standing up for what I believe in, I think all of that happened around the same time,” she revealed. Explaining how the mental illness left her feeling completely debilitated, Deepika added, “I remember just waking up feeling completely unmotivated, directionless… I didn’t want to face the world… Life just felt meaningless.”

She spoke about how it was difficult for her to open up about her struggle with depression and, in fact, accept that she was depressed, Deepika elaborated how her seemingly perfect made her feel as though she could not struggle with mental health issues. “I had this blockbuster year and everything was going perfectly well. I was in this relationship [with the person] who I’m married to now. And everything was perfect. Like, how could life be any better?” she said. “I think that’s probably how it seemed to everyone around me, including myself.”

The Piku actor added further, “I struggled and I suffered for many months because I didn’t know anyone who had been through something like this.” On how her mental health struggle led to her uncovering a kind of greater purpose in life, Deepika explained, “I felt like if I shared my experience and even just one person was like, ‘I identify with these symptoms,’ then my purpose would be served.”

The actor, who started the LiveLoveLaugh Foundation to help people suffering from mental health issues, elaborated further, I think that focusing on the importance of mental health is what my calling is… It’s work that I will continue to do. And hopefully the foundation will survive even beyond me.”

The actor shocked fans after opening up about the problems she faced with regards to her mental health. It took her lots of emotional breakdowns and counselling sessions with psychologists to realise that she was clinically depressed.

Having gone through such a tumultuous time in her life and losing a close friend to a similar ailment, she decided to start an organisation to help people manage and deal with psychological problems.

The actor also spoke about her Bollywood debut and how she had her first experience “served in a platter”. The actor starred opposite superstar Shah Rukh Khan in Om Shanti Om in 2007. “I remember just sitting at the edge of the sofa, being so nervous, and almost in a daze. I couldn’t even process what was happening,” revealed Deepika about her first time on a film set after she was scouted by a producer during her modelling days. “They never auditioned me,” she shared, adding, “Even today, I look at [the director, Farah Khan,] and I’m like, ‘What were you guys thinking?’”

The actor continued, “My first experience was almost served to me on a platter. I was so well presented and so well taken care of that I thought that’s just the way it’s going to be; that the director would always make sure that I act well, and that my diction is on point and I’m looking amazing.” On how subsequent experiences were not as rosy, Deepika shared, “It took me many, many films to realise that’s not always the case. There’s parts of it that the director will bring, but there’s a lot of it that I need to bring to the table [myself].”

Deepika ventured into the world of production with the 2020 film Chhapaak, which was released under the banner of her own Ka Productions, which she established in 2018. On donning the producer’s hat, the actor shared, “I think it really gives me an opportunity to change a lot of things that I’ve seen go amiss as an actor. Things are just brushed under the carpet,” adding, “I’m that person who will always question why things are being done a certain way, even if they’d been done the same way for many, many years.”

On how she focuses on fair working conditions, the actor continued, “I think it’s important for the crew to be compensated for [overtime]. And if you do go over, you have to ensure that everyone gets at least a 12-hour turnaround. You can’t finish at midnight and then expect everyone to be back on set at seven in the morning.”