If you tell yourself you’ve done it all, you’re as good as dead: Hadiqa Kiani

Singer and actor Hadiqa Kiani recently spoke about her relationship with music, struggles with ageism in the industry, as well as the joy of adoption in a recent interview with a local publication.

Reflecting on where she is in her career journey, Kiani shared, “I am at a turning point in my life.” She added, “This is my journey and I am not apologetic about it. Whatever choices I made in life, whether they were related to music or life, they are what define me. The mistakes, the failures, whatever success, whatever turmoil I went through. The heartbreaks, the divorces, the adoption of my child, life threatening situations, my mother’s paralysis diagnosis. I have faced all of this, but at this turning point in my life, I feel alone because I am alone now. I want to make new music, which I have done recently. This new music isn’t for the viewers or the listeners. It is for myself.”

On venturing into the world of acting with Momina Duraid’s Raqeeb Se, the pop icon shared, “If Momina had offered me a role that I did not relate with, chances are, I wouldn’t have accepted it. But God was so kind. She gave me the role of Sakina. I explored myself. I took out all my emotions through Raqeeb Se and Dobara. It was cathartic. It was me breaking out.”
Explaining how she can be her truest self with her art, Kiani shared, “I have been conditioned to be told what to do since childhood. Music and then by extension, acting, were the only things that were purely and truly mine.”

On relating to her character Mehru in Dobara, who learns to live and love following the death of her husband, the singer shared, “‘There are so many Mehrus, including myself all around me. They come to me at airports and weddings telling me they see themselves in Mehru. Their husbands are with them but they just come up to me and blatantly say it.”

When asked whether she has struggled due to the industry’s rampant ageism, Kiani responded, “Sources very close to me told me a decade ago that my contemporaries in music had already been sent to their graves. They told me that I had achieved all that I possibly could and that I should be happy with that. I was in my 30s. But even when I was in my 20s, I had been relatively older due to my mature nature and my mind. People used to call me ‘aapi’, ‘didi’ and ‘baji’ even then. Now that I am actually closer to old age, I feel young. It’s all in your head. If you tell yourself that you’ve seen and done it all, you’re as good as dead.”

On embracing her son Naaday Ali, whom she adopted through the Edhi foundation following the devastating 2005 earthquake that rattled the country, Kiani recalled, “In July 2005, I told my sister I wanted to adopted a boy. Naaday Ali. I even knew the name with full clarity. My sister told me that I was creating more trouble for myself because I had my whole life ahead of me and that I would be complicating it. Then the earthquake happened.”

She added, “I had been through my first divorce. The script had already been written by God. He gave me [my son] as a gift and blessing. I am so grateful.”

Elaborating on the difficulty of adopting in Pakistan, Kiani explained, “I had to go through a lot of difficulty after the adoption. I had to go through a lot of issues to get his NICOP, but NADRA has now made things easier.”

She went on to add that “if you don’t have that motherly feeling, you won’t have it for your biological child either. It becomes a matter of necessity. [Adoption] is different because it is your own choice, and when you choose to have someone in your life who is not from your womb, then that love is something else entirely. It is unconditional.”