Open letter addresses Jaun Elia’s turbulent relationship with family

Few poets are afforded the kind of iconic status conferred upon the late Jaun Elia. With themes of lost love and suffering so deeply threaded throughout his work, Jaun’s poetry has served as a balm on the bruises on many a broken heart. His simple yet searing words have built for him an army of fiercely dedicated followers, not just of his poetry, but of the poet himself, often exalted to the level of a martyr. 

During his lifetime, Jaun’s turbulent personal affairs were often considered an open secret. After his passing in 2002, the stories became lore, adding another layer and far more intrigue to Jaun’s couplets of pain and alienation sitting ready on the tip of every jaded young person’s tongue. 

19 years after the poet’s demise, his daughter with esteemed columnist Zahida Hina, Fainaana Farnaam, has broken her silence on her father’s volatile temperament, as well as the complicated and ultimately fractured relationship she shared with him. 

Fainaana shared a detailed note on social media on the occasion of her father’s death anniversary (November 10), initially addressing how the speculation surrounding the poet’s life as well as the reasons behind his tumultuous familial affairs has negatively impacted herself and her siblings. The Express Tribune tried to reach out to her to get a closer understanding of the issue but she did not respond. Here are a few translated excerpts from the letter and the original can be read on the following link.

A tale of anguish

Explaining why she maintained her silence on the subject of her father all these years, Fainaana shared in the letter that the deeply personal nature of the matter always deterred her from speaking publicly about it. 

"[My sister] Sohaina and I often wished to speak about the matter, because our silence led to people saying some very painful things that could not have been further from the truth. The issue with [my brother] Zeryoun, Sohaina and I is that our parents are famous, and their fans often consider it their right to talk about the lives of famous people.” 

Fainaana explained that in her younger years, she was unaware of the problems brewing between her parents. She revealed that the illusion of a picture-perfect family was put into question for her one night when she overheard her parents arguing. 

'In the morning, I asked my mother whether she and my father were fighting. It was a question because even though I had heard everything myself, I could not believe my ears. The reason behind this was that I considered my mother and father the most ideal couple in the world. My father was my idol and I loved him endlessly, even more than my mother. I did not anticipate that tone of voice from him.”

On how the situation only deteriorated from then on, Fainaana wrote, “That was a very difficult time for us, and my mother, myself and my siblings heard and endured things said by people that were very painful. This was because my father would sit everywhere and say whatever he wanted about us, and people would believe him.”

"I don’t understand how people never understood that while Jaun Elia is their favourite poet, he is my father. I could not search for life in his verses, He was my life. We needed our father Jaun Elia, not the poet, and our father was lost somewhere.” 

The gradual decay 

Speaking about how her relationship with Jaun crumbled over time, the poet’s daughter wrote, “He would forget how old we were or what grade we were studying in. He would not remember our birthdays and mixed up our names, sometimes confusing them with those of his nieces.”

On how her parents’ differing religious backgrounds and other reasons led to further issues, she added, “My father could never accept my mother. His family never accepted her because she did not belong to Amroha and was not Shia. Because of these reasons, the rift between my parents widened. My father also could not accept the fact that, with time, my mother’s fame was increasing.”   

Shedding light on why she changed her name, no longer wishing to go by her father’s surname, Fainaana wrote, “When I received my exam forms for the ninth grade, I decided that I wanted to change my name. My name was Fainaana Jaun.” She continued, “I was 16 years old at the time and it was a painful decision for me to make, but I knew that the relationship I cherished most in the world was gone while both my father and I were still alive. My father died for me that day and the meaning of life changed.”

"The name Farnaam was given to me by my father as well. When I was born, my father named me Fainana Jaun. Everything changed for me when my relationship with him broke down. Because of my father, my identity changed. Therefore, I was adamant that the responsibility of giving me a new name should also be shouldered by him.”

Blame it on the bottle 

Sharing how Jaun would blame his outbursts on alcohol despite being fully lucid, Fainaana wrote, “My father would say that it is not the poet’s job to engage in day-to-day domestic tasks, but the truth of the matter was that he wanted to run away from his responsibilities.”

Narrating an incident from the time she was four years old when her father took her to a late-night event at the house of a poet despite her mother’s reservations and returned home without her at 2 AM, unaware of his daughter’s whereabouts, Fainaana wrote, “I wonder what my mother went through at the time.” 

"I have never come across a person more fortunate than my father,” she shared, adding, “God gave him all the honour and fame, but he could not be happy because he did not value the relationships in his life. A man who does not belong to loving parents or his children does not belong even to himself.”

Following Fainaana’s detailed note, Independent Urdu reached out to Jaun’s family members for comment. Most stood by his daughter’s account, with his relative, journalist Siraj Naqvi saying, “I have no relationship with Zahida Hina. She isn’t even from Uttar Pradesh, but I can say with complete honesty that Jaun Elia did not handle his household affairs well.”

With Naqvi blaming the bottle for the poet’s woes, he explained how Jaun's attitude led to him becoming somewhat of an outcast in the family. "It's true that Jaun's addiction to alcohol destroyed him. If anyone in our family displayed such problematic behaviour, the person ended up being completely ignored by the family members. Just like that, Jaun Elia was also ignored by his family."

Another relative, Haider Naqvi, boiled down the poet’s volatile and neglectful nature to his anguish over leaving Amroha following partition and the trauma of migration. “The love for one’s land has a different quality to it, but Jaun’s love for Amroha was extreme.”

Salim Saleem said about the poet's love for his land, "When, in 1988, Jaun Elia reached Amroha, he stepped out of the train and lay down on the floor. He threw the dust from the ground over his head and cried ceaselessly. He would cry in memory of Amroha, but also did not want to return."