Passion and privilege: Armeena asks Twitter whether love marriages are a luxury few can afford

Actor Armeena Khan once again took to Twitter in search of answers to the starlet’s questions related to love and marriage. After previously asking her fans and followers to weigh in on whether love marriages are better than those that are arranged, Khan added another layer to the debate, asking whether marrying for love is a “privilege” afforded only to a few.

The Janaan actor tweeted, “Is marrying for love a privilege? (This is not a statement but something the husband and I were discussing). What do you guys think?” A large majority of the responses were of the opinion that love marriages are indeed a privilege, however, the reasons for why this was the case were quite varied.

One user responded to Khan, explaining how no matter your socio-economic background, the pressure of an arranged marriage is felt throughout Pakistani society. They wrote, “Yes, at least in our society, even educated people are emotionally blackmailed [into] arranged marriage. It's okay to be in love, it's okay to make a choice, it's okay if you make a wrong choice. Wrong choices are made in an arranged marriage as well.”

For another user, love itself is a rarity and privilege, one that most people cannot lay claim to. They tweeted in response, “I definitely think so. Love is a gift and to be able to have that with someone who feels the same is an honour.” Adding how societal restrictions often don't allow people to independently form romantic connections, they added, “I don’t think a lot of our older generations were able to have the freedom to marry for love.”

A user responded by saying that not only is marrying for love a privilege, but so is leaving a marriage in the absence of it. They tweeted, “It is and sadly so is divorce. After just over five years of my marriage dissolving, I don’t think I would have been able to survive [if I didn’t have] the support of my parents and [was not] financially stable.”

One user weighed in, highlighting how while love may grow with time, arranged marriages allow for a stable foundation. Citing their own experience, they shared, “I only met my wife once before we [got] married and that was 21 years ago. Our love has grown over the years. If you only marry for love, what happens if love falls out?” Echoing a similar sentiment, another user wrote, “Love grows as the marriage progresses provided the partners are loyal to each other and [are] content with what they have.”

Explaining how love is rare in marriages that happen solely due to societal pressure, a user tweeted, “Finding love is a blessing. Marrying for love is a blessing and a privilege. In a world where the majority marries just for the sake of marrying; how can this be denied?”

Previously, the Bin Roye actor tweeted asking her followers about their thoughts on arranged vs love marriages. She wrote, "Do you think arranged marriages work? No shade, just a question."

"Marriages will only 'work' when women are made to compromise. Because men don't ever have to compromise. On anything. For women, it's a gamble. Doesn't matter which type it is," a user shared.

Another one opined that arranged marriages can surely work if one asks suitable questions before taking the plunge. "I think arranged marriages can work if you ask the right questions from your partner from the get-go and make sure compatibility is there. It really depends mainly on your religious and cultural values. Without that…no marriage can work. Period."

A user remarked arranged marriages seem to work well in Pakistan. "In my opinion, more than 80% of marriages in our country are arranged, and I think they work. Nothing is ideal or exactly up to your expectations, you have to compromise in every relationship."

Arranged marriages are far from a new concept, and they’re still practised in certain parts of the world. A 2017 study, conducted by NBC, shed light on why arranged marriages may work in some countries. "India, Pakistan, Japan and China have the highest percentages of arranged marriages," said Dr Joseph Cilona. "For example, in India, it is speculated that as much as 60% of marriages are arranged."

And while research on the success rates of arranged couples is thin, one study done in 2012 shows the divorce rate of arranged marriages is less than 4% — as opposed to around 40% of marriages in the US where partners chose who to marry on their own free will.