Do arranged marriages work better in Pakistan? Twitter weighs in

Starlet Armeena Khan kick-started a debate on Twitter after the Janaan star asked about her followers' and fans' opinions on whether the arranged marriages work or not. The Bin Roye star tweeted, "Do you think arranged marriages work? No shade, just a question."

Arranged marriages are far from a new concept, and they’re still practiced in certain parts of the world. A 2017 study, conducted by NBC, shed light on why arranged marriages may work in some countries. "India, Pakistan, Japan and China have the highest percentages of arranged marriages," said Dr Joseph Cilona. "For example, in India, it is speculated that as much as 60% of marriages are arranged."

And while research on the success rates of arranged couples is thin, one study done in 2012 shows the divorce rate of arranged marriages is less than 4% — as opposed to around 40% of marriages in the US where partners chose who to marry on their own free will.

Armeena's query was met with interesting responses by fellow tweeps.

"Marriages will only 'work' when women are made to compromise. Because men don't ever have to compromise. On anything. For women, it's a gamble. Doesn't matter which type it is," a user shared.

Another one opined that arranged marriages can surely work if one asks suitable questions before taking the plunge. "I think arranged marriages can work if you ask the right questions from your partner from the get-go and make sure compatibility is there. It really depends mainly on your religious and cultural values. Without that…no marriage can work. Period."

One tweep commented that marriages require sacrifices, regardless of being love or arranged. "Both kinds of marriages required sacrifices. Sacrifice of your ego, opinions, most importantly apni man maani (free will) sacrifice. Both have their own advantages but to live through one must be determined to adjust his/her life in accordance with partner."

One more shared, "Success of marriages mostly depends upon how much both (usually more from girls' side) compromise and sacrifice for each other and how well both understand each other."

A user remarked arranged marriages seem to work well in Pakistan. "In my opinion, more than 80% of marriages in our country are arranged, and I think they work. Nothing is ideal or exactly up to your expectations, you have to compromise in every relation."

One more asserted, "By the time you get to know your partner you've already had a child. and by the time you hate them you've had 3 more children, attended 7 weddings and had 18 other family functions. So, yes."

"There are a lot of factors that can come into consideration when we evaluate the success of a marriage. I think its a little outdated to just compartmentalise a complex relationship like marriage on just the basis of a shared history of the two together," one said, adding, "As long as there is respect, honesty, and you back your wife up where needed such as if your sister, mother, aunties make fleeting comments which are unnecessary and hurtful. If you stand up for her once, early on, they won't do that again. Always give each other time and space."

One Twitter user continued, "There is no guarantee for any marriage to work, arranged or love. Yes, it can work if both people have entered into it wilfully and learn to have mutual respect and love for each other over time. Marriage is not all about love when there are other things you fall in love with."

Few thought marriages in their entirety is a gamble. "Arranged marriage or love marriage. Both are kind of a gamble. But arranged marriages work more because I think too many people and their feelings are involved. In love marriages, everyone is like you should have asked first."

Another tweep quipped. "Marriage is a gamble be it love or arrange. Every relationship requires efforts if two people are willing to put that in, it will work."

For some, marriage is a synonym for taking a leap of faith. "Someone once said that marriage, regardless of it being love or arranged, is a leap of faith. It’s sheer luck. Sometimes someone you’ve known for years turns out to be a stranger once you start living with them and sometimes a stranger will turn into your best partner with time."

"Yes, because those who arrange it support it to work. If you do love marriage the same will ruin the relationship," one user concluded. 

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