Scorn Republic: Women, Consumer Goods and Expiry Dates

It’s odd how even in the 21st century, some people define a woman’s success by her private life, as if her individual worth is somewhat less if she doesn’t have a husband. We are constantly subliminally given the message that there is some unspoken “best by” expiry date on women, which states that if marriage and children haven’t occurred by 30, she somehow isn’t good enough anymore. It’s a very narrow perspective on the whole biological clock ticking and plays an important role in nearly every aspect of women’s lives: their relationships, their appearance, their academic and career choices etc. Women are treated like fast moving consumer goods. And we certainly are not that.

As the world has evolved, so has the institution of marriage. Gender roles are less defined now and a more equal partnership prevails in a vast majority of unions. As women have broadened their horizons, they are now realising their self worth and gradually emerging from their bubbles, successfully shattering preconceived notions of sacrifice. And that’s a good thing.

As anyone will tell you, while family is very important, it shouldn’t be the yardstick for the measurment of success of happiness. Not that it doesn’t have its moments, because as far as I see, marriage is about two people being held hostage with each other of their own will, then further being held hostage by their offspring who, while being cute, completely hijack any semblance of normalcy in their lives and somehow makes everything about them.

While it’s great to find the one person you want to annoy for the rest of your life, marriage, if it’s a walk in the park, the park would surely be Jurassic! It’s a new annoyance daily that you learn to live with and accept. For example, men and women can never agree on the perfect temperature for a room, the best thing to watch on TV or what to eat for dinner. Did you know sometimes the worst sound you can hear is snoring or chewing, if you hear it every day for the conceivable eternity with no end in sight?

The reason I bring up the reality of marriage, is because of growing pressures that South Asian girls face when they are bearing their “best by” age in this part of the world. The parents, in their desperation, choose to roll out red carpets to rishta aunties, broaden their social circles in hopes of snagging a suitable boy and take other, equally offensive measures to find a match for their “ageing” offspring. What’s the hurry, guys? And why not let women take their time in finding a mate who is comfortable and compatible for them?

Then there is a whole taboo that still surrounds the enigmatic “love marriage.” While the world has now evolved to the thinking that men and women both, should seek out their own forever-companions, we, rooted from the subcontinent are still stuck in a place where we believe “parents know best,” and in the off chance that we do find a person we are willing to spend our lives with, we invite the scrutiny of extended family and neighbours. Not only that, the poor person has to go through rigorous background checks and equally grueling clearances to be deemed fit enough to marry. And then too, arranged or not, divorce rates are steadily creeping up. Maybe the institution of marriage is flawed in that case? The number one reason of divorce is marriage, without a marriage, a divorce can’t exist. But we will talk about divorces and the factors and stereotypes that surround that as well.

The next few articles will be addressing these mysterious phenomenons, the rishta trolley culture, the arranged marriages vs love marriages, and the need to see a woman settled in her early twenties, not to mention the attitudes that surround divorces, in our cultural set.

Stay tuned!

Scorn Republic is a bi-weekly satire column commenting on trending topics and societal happenings.